My 15yr old daughter is so hostile, and rude, and disrespectful. She terrorizes the whole family. She's been given "tools" for effective communication but refuses to use them. She knows I find her rude/hateful behavior devastating enjoys "pushing my buttons"...I also suffer from a very painful illness, as well as depression and my entire family is dead-my two girls are all I have which makes her behavior and treatment of me all the more devastating. She screams at me like an animal for everything. She terrorizes her 17 yr old sister as well at times.oh, before anyone asks, - there are no issues of substance abuse in this picture at all from anyone concerned and yes,--I'm sure... Why is she doing this to me for seemingly no reason at all?her excuses are irrational . I've said all the phrases your "supposed to say" in these situations, and done everything I know how to do, (I was a drug and alcohol therapist for cryin out loud so im not a total idiot...but cannot help my own child communicate with me?) im devastated, and when I tell her she has hurt me she just storms off and slams her door. Never has appologized once for her behavior despite my appologies when necessary. I tried to get us family therapy but she refuses to speak in therapy. Can anyone please help me here, im loosing my mind, my self esteem, and the amazing amount of love I used to have for her slowly. please help me
Well, if I had any kind of guess, I'd think she feels as if she's locked in a box with no freedom to do things she wants. I know she wants to love, but in her mind, she hasn't found a reason to. I'm also sure that deep down, she feels sorry, but is afraid to express it. I believe she feels that by her screaming and, basically, throwing tantrums, still, it somehow empowers her and makes her feel more in charge.
The teens of today are a different breed than they were 20 or 30 years ago, unfortunately. More of them fight back and scream and yell than they used to. Unfortunately, I only see it getting worse. However, this is only because of how they were brought up. If you raise a child in an enclosed environment, meaning not allowed to go play with friends or have an enormous amount of fun, they have a tendency to rebel later on in life without regard to consequences. If you raise them in a disciplinary (spanking and such) environment, they have a large tendency to respect authority as they mature, but they still may rebel, just not as much. Then there's the "I don't care" environment. The name I've given to those households that just don't care much for what their children do. There's no way to, really, rebel in this kind of household because the parents don't give them a chance to.
Seeking a family therapist is, as you noticed, pointless. She thinks there's nothing wrong. The best thing to do is sit down one-on-one and try and work things out. She may have a high amount of resistance when you tell her to "sit down so we can talk," but you'll need to keep working at it. She's got a thick outer skin that you need to chip away.
Of course, there's always the other angle. Maybe she's got a boyfriend that's the bad seed. Since she refuses to talk to you, however, it's hard to find out. If you know she's got a boyfriend, tell her you'd like to meet him. If she refuses, well, not much you can do about it. If she says she's single, well, she's either lying or you know it's not a boyfriend with a different view on how a household should be run.
Need to lay some ground rules, though. Need to start grounding her. If she ignores it, call the police on her and report her as a runaway. One way or another, she'll learn. If you have to, let them keep her in jail over night. That can, usually, knock a little sense into the disobedient. Jail is no place for teenagers, nor is it a place for girls, but it certainly isn't where you want to be as a teenage girl. It may create a little more enmity or it could break her. It's a chance and a choice you'd have to be willing to make.
Parents have the power to ruin their kids' life, just as kids have the power to ruin their parents life. You have to figure out just how far you'd be willing to go to open her eyes to reality.
Another thing (last suggestion) you can do is, if you can, ask her what she thinks is wrong in the household. What does she think is causing her to be so rebellious. What kinds of things can you do to make things less stressful in her life while at the same time finding things she can do to make your life less stressful. Everybody's got something they'd be willing to give up or change, you've just got to find it.
Hope this helps some. If not, maybe I can think of something else. :) Good luck.
okay I'm seventeen, and when I was younger I was extremely disrespectful to my parents. I regret it now, they are such amazing parents and I don't think I could ask for any better. they are christian, my dad has really really bad eyesight so he can't work a regular job but he works for the salvation army in the winter to get money for the Christmas presents that my sibblings and I don't deserve, and my mom works a full time job to help support us, and my dad gets money from the government for his disabilities. I don't really know, I guess I used to think I was better than them. they didn't go to college for four years. only two each and then they got married, and I've always wanted more, I feel so selfish now that I know how ignorant and immature I was. I wanted a piece of the action as well. I hung out with the wrong people and did the wrong things because I didn't want to be alone. sometimes it could be a good idea to just listen you your daughter. take her out of school early once a month and take her out for a mother/daughter lunch. it's sometimes uncomfortable for kids to talk about what is going on in their minds in therapy. I have a therapist but my parents go in separately than me not at the same time in the same room, because I'm not comfortable with that. however, you need to make sure you keep morals and rules down tight, I used to hate it, but without those things to guide me I would be in a black hole of a mess right now. and I'm acctually almost where I need to be in life to be prepared for college and the future that God has planned for me. :) if you have any questions you can send me a message. and if you message me I'll gladly give you my email address so you can reach me with any questions on how to respond to her behavior. I might be able to relate... I hate to admit it, but I used to be horrible to my parents.
Hello, im sorry for you to have your illness. and im sorry that your 15 year old is mysteriously going off the rails.. but who is her crowd..have you considered who she is jamming around with at school? does she act like this at school. send her to boot camp.she needs to realise that your the mother,and she needs to start RESPECTING HER FAMILY! she is quite brutal and seems to be in the rebelling stages.. I was like this at 14,I bullied my mum sometimes and then I would cry after..as I realised it was wrong. just rereading and im 16 and mature [ at times ] but she needs to be banged.. she needs to grow up,if she cant handle simple things..how she going to be in the real world.I would resent her if I was you,all those years raising your daughter and she turns around and throws it back in her face.. force some action and take control..listen to your music player lady..put on those songs that make you feel like dancing..and TAKE WHAT YOU BOUGHT OF OF THE ROOM.she wants to play the big bad wolf..then let her live her own way. thats all I have to say. Good Luck! :)
Geez im reallyy sorryy! Im 15 and I sometimes yell at my father I dont live with my mom. So she mite just be angry because she dont have a father figure in her life. Or have you tried talking to her bout HER life? The best thing a parent to do is be a part of her life try to get her to open up to you. Tell her no matter what you say I wont get mad talk to me as if I was your friend. Like try to relieze what she is going threw. Stress can be a big part also puberty but now days a lot of girls are insecure bout them selves maybe its not you maybe this is a deep emotionaly problem with your daughter. I bet she is going threw a lot of what normal 15 year olds should go threw. So the best thing is to try to get her to open up bout herself to you. Find out whats going on her life. And help her make a change. Mother your daughter and be there for her, dont let her go on her own.
I hope I helped.
Well, considering I am 15 I can definitly answer this question. She wants attention, she may not realize it but she does. She wants to be alone with you and tell you about her problems outside of the family.What you need to do is talk to her and you two should plan a small trip to go somewhere maybe even the movies or out to eat. Somewhere where you can sit and talk. I think she will really enjoy that and if you have other children do it with them to but first if she gets jealous easy, plan something for her and her friend or your other children while you and your other child go out.
I was raised under strict rules by my father whereas my mother was kind and warm hearted. Maybe you arent being strict enough with her so she is getting everything she wants. I know I would get mad when I was 15 but when I did , it wasnt that bad, my mum just gave me guilt trips and so it made me feel bad. Try telling her one day she wont have you and shell be alone in the world and will always regret what she did. Take things away from here to punish here, for crying out loud people, punishment can help! take away tv, and stuff like that,
You are the mother. You tell her you do not like the way she speaks too you and if she continues she will get introble. Take away t.v , phone , going out. If she is really not listening then put her in a boot camp of some sort. Foster care for a while untill she is ready to listen. Be strict, and let her know you will no longer let her talk to you this way. Yours truly, Demika Ray
its a teenage thing...but you need to disaplin her...mabey things are going bad for her at school or something...try talking to her and dont stress when she screams...you the mom you have control not her...
Maybe she is missing the father figure.. and she is taking advantage because thiers only one parent to tell her off,so its like fire v water
