Why can't I ask a four year old "Why?"?

Hmmm,

Never tell a kid younger than primary school that he did something wrong with a smile on your face. They just don’t get the message if you do. You’re contradicting yourself. You are sending two different messages to the kid.

1. You smile means all is fine
2. You say something that means not all is fine. Confuses little kids.

I’d say: if the kid is in your care or playing with you and does something wrong, just tell him you don’t like what he does. Tell him he hurt the little baby frog and you are now very sad. Also make a sad face. If he stomps the flowers, tell him you want to look at the beautiful flowers and you want them safe and whole. If you are angry, say ‘I’m angry now’ and also look angry. At least a little bit.

If the kid stomps on your belongings, tell him you don’t want him to stomp on your bag because it breaks the things inside. Regardless wether the parents are present. If the kid hurts you, tell him to stop and tell him you are hurt now. Make a sad face.

Whatever you do, do it just after the incident. Little kids can’t connect your feelings to their own deeds if you talk about it 5 minutes later. They just don’t see that it’s a consequence of the previous action, even though they still remember what happened before.

If the parents are around and could do the educating, leave it to them. It’s their job.

hope I could help the sheep