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Who's side do I take, my mothers?

Here’s the deal my mom has an incredible boy friend he’s great to me and my siblings loves my mother unconditionally and I love him very much. The only thing is he and my mom fight ALL THE TIME, they’ve even gotten violent both of them. The truth is in most fights he is right and my mom is wrong but I have to side with my mom. The one time I didn’t side with her she threw her martini and hit me uncontrollably in front of a crowd. I’ve been trying so hard to get her to change and realize that she is wrong but things just keep getting worse.

I just wanted to know, is it wrong of me to always take her boyfriends side? How can I get her to change and be a happy person rather than a psychotic a$$.

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Answer #1

Uhm, dont pick sides? It’s not really your place, and they shouldnt be involving you in this? You siding with him is definitely not going to help anything. I want you to think about this from her point of view (yes, yes, I know, she’s just wrong and you dont know why she does what she does), but indulge me for a minute. If you had a teenager whom you raised, and this kid is constantly trying to change you and make you realize you were wrong (and you didnt think you were wrong), how would you feel. Yes, I know, you’d be able to see better and you wouldnt treat your kids that way. But lets pretend for a moment. How pissed off would you be if your kid was constantly trying to change you?

Oh and you cannot change anyone. You cant. You can change yourself and how you react. But you cannot change her. Attempts will drive you crazy and lead to arguments and anger. I think it brings a lot of peace to accept that we dont have control over others. Only ourselves. Not that it is hopeless. Change yourself and you’ll change her. Start reacting differently. And also, she’s not being psychotic. She’s doing it for a reason. Try to figure out why.

Answer #2

You said a lot when you said “she threw her martini glass at me”…does she have a drinking problem?

If this is the case then I’d be honest and tell her…boyfriend is right on…

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Answer #3

You shouldn’t have to take sides just because of blood relations, if the boyfriend is right then he’s right. You need to point it out and prove to her that she does have problems she needs to work out. Possibly have a intervention with the boyfriend involved? Maybe this will solve things… But if not, I’m sorry and I hope for the best.

Answer #4

I’ve tried that, she’s doesn’t listen to me when I talk. She got really drunk one night and all she could say is “I COME FIRST, I’M THE ONLY PERSON THAT MATTERS HERE.”

Answer #5

I’ve tried, she still doesn’t care. Thanks for the help.

Answer #6

sit her down and tell her what she is doing to your family. tell her how she is hurting you. no parent can over look that

Answer #7

then you need to talk to her when she is sober

Answer #8

im sorry, truely

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