Who knows any good Chuck Norris jokes?

My Boyfriends name is Josh Norris xD ask google if it knows any?

heres a couple od halariouse ones!!>..

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer, Chuck Norris is always in control.

Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

:D

I know Hundreds!!! Heres a few of them.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s beef.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn’t even in a bowling alley.

Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can’t find bigger, better nuts than that.

Chuck Norris doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”

Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”

Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is the best a man can get.

These are just a few of my favs.

chuck norris invented all the colors of the rainbow except pink tom cruse invented that

I’m sure if you google it you will find tons.