I have been with my partner for nearly a year now I have a 4 year old son and he has 3 daughters from a previous relationship 9, 7 and 3. We have recently found out we have another little one on the way. One concern we have is how will my 4 year old son react?
Me and my sons dad seperated when he was 10months old. When we first seperate his dad was still living near by so he saw him like everyday. He then got into a new relationship, and moved away and could only get down every other weekend. when my son was 2 I got into a relationship, which wasnt that good there were some violence and my partner at the time started drinking, so I seperated for the sake of my son. A year later I got with someone else who was a friend of mine at the time we new eachother from primary school, but when we got together it wasnt all that great so that didnt last, he just wasn't one for kids and he was jealous and mine and my sons relationship so 3/4 months down the line we seperated. My sons dad is in a relationship with someone who has 2 boys age 5 and 7 and they have just had another little boy. When my son started staying at his dads he did use to clash with the youngest who is 5, at the time my son was 3 and he was 4. My son use to come home saying he was getting hit and kicked by the youngest little boy. I stopped my son going to his dads the weekend when they boys were there. Now when they see eachother they get along a lot better but still have there moments. The thing now is my son is acting like this towards my current partner and his youngest daughter, who is 3. When we explain to him its not nice to hit or kick people and it naughty he then dose the same to us. It gets to the point where we send him to his bedroom or to the naughty chair, but it dont seem to bother him. My relationship wit my current partner is completely different than my other relationship there is no arguements there's affection, but my son is becoming very protective and jealous and gets funny when people come near me and starts getting spiteful towards my partner. His behavior is now upsetting my partner and his daughters and is now causing problems. I have tried speaking to my sons dad about reece behavior and he says I have to be more strict with him but is way of dealing with children is smacking them thats why we didnt get on I dont agree with smacking atal. When my son misbehaves we have sent him to the naughty chair and explained to him what he done wasnt very nice or we take is favorite toy away and send him to his bedroom. Me and my partner are now at the point where we dont know what else to and is now causing problems with me and my partner and his daughters. We are now worried how he will be with the new baby. Any advice what we can do
How does violence (anything that causes pain is violence) help to alleviate the problem of him being violent. The stand in corner or the time out chair is the best way to punish a child. You just need to do it right. For the right amount of time and everytime he doesn't behave while sitting in the chair the time re starts. Then after the allotted time is up you ask them why they got put in the corner/chair. If they answer wrong or with a smartass remark they stay in the chair an additional alloted time. Then ask again until they get it right and not in a smartass tone.
Once they answer it right you then ask What have you learned? And they need to let you know for example "Hitting my 3y/o sister is wrong and I won;t do it again" Then you thank them, ask them not to do it again and give them a hug.
If they do anything else do the smae thing.
You mut ignore them but also make sure they are sitting on the chair or standing in corner and not having fun.
Merriemac you are a grown up now. Yes corporal punishment is more effective in the older children who were not raised from a young age to respect their parents. The respect comes from the use of the corner or time out chair.
Corporal Punishment for a child does nothing. You (the person your child learns from) are telling your child not to hit a sibling by hitting them.
A child does not have the mental capability to understand the difference and in turn creates a child who is more likely to be violent. You teach them at a young age and they grow up and respect you and listen to you when you tell them NO!.
One thing I've always found to be helpful is to talk to the child. You're telling him what he did wrong and I think that it's important to do so, but I think that finding out WHY he's doing it is also important so that you can work on it. By communicating with him you can learn what it is that's upsetting him so much. If needed, you can also reassure him that you love him and that neither of these people will take you away from him or replace him. (This may be something he's scared of, I'm not sure. But we ALL need reassurance sometimes.)
zudano I totally agree with you my dad use to always hit me thats why I wouldn't dare do it to my son.
Merriemac what are you teaching them when you smack them and tell them its naughty to do it, your confuse them they do learn from us adults your teaching them violence, and even thou your saying its naughty at the same time your saying its ok. This is why me and my sons dad never got on thats thats the way he deals with problems.
I agree fully with zudano,my dad hit us when we were younger and it didn't help a thing, in fact because of that he and my brother has a bad relationship.
Like zudano posted in her first comment, you need to follow through on discipline and persist, no matter what. Never give up on his time cause you feel sorry for him and also do try to talk to him or ask him how he is feeling (not while he is getting punished though).
Trust me, the stand in the corner and time out sh*t don't work. My parents beat my a$$ when I misbehave and it works.
No I haven't tried that one :)
