What went wrong? Long story...

Okay. Granted this happened a few years back… but the wounds left were deep and the scars remain. I was in high school and there was this boy who lived in my neighborhood that I’d known all my life, but didn’t get really close to until my sophomore (his freshman) year. We became fast and good friends and since we lived in the same neighborhood, we would walk to and from the school on a daily basis and he would stop by with his dog on the weekends often. So when he asked me out, I was a little hesitant because I had recently broken up with my first, serious boyfriend and I also didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But after some consideration, I agreed, and so we began dating. Things were marvelous at first. I truly loved him and (thought) he truly loved me. We had trust, we had friendship, we had everything. It seemed like the perfect relationship. I knew that whatever I needed, all I had to do was ask him and he would do it for me. But after several months of dating (preceded by years of friendship), things started to go sour. Instead of walking to school with me, he got rides with a friend. Instead of meeting me after school to walk home, he avoided the hallway where my locker was located. I would call, he wouldn’t answer, I’d leave a message, he’d never call back. I would try to talk to him at school and he would avoid me. I was devastated. Our relationship was as serious as one could get. He wasn’t the first person I’d had sex with, but I was his first. The day I KNEW it was over was when I wrote him a letter that basically said: “If you care about me, you will meet me after school so we can get through whatever hitch this is in our relationship” and he never showed up. Sure enough, 2 weeks (less) later, he was dating someone else. His relationship with this new girlfriend lasted all of 5 or 6 days before he did something similar to her (even worse, I’ve heard). So my question is (nearly 9 years later) what went wrong? Why did he hurt me so bad if I didn’t wrong him? Why did he just start dating someone new without informing me of our break-up officially? I really have never understood and it haunts me to this day. Advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening to my story.

Answer #1

No one will ever know fully why he did this: he was just immature and not ready for a real relationship. It is his loss that he did not continue your relationship, and you had a lucky escape as he is obviously not suited with you.

He may have been scared as he liked you, he may have gotten bored, he may have been too stupid to see what a good thing he had, he may have felt he was too young to settle down… the important thing to do now is realise you will never know. Unless you can ask him directly no one can tell you, and he may not even know why.

Try and remember ‘nobody is worth your tears,and the person who is won’t make you cry’. this guy is not worth being upset about! He is not worth a single one of your thoughts, but it is understandable you still do wonder.

You need closure. Write him a letter explaining all your hurt and asking everything you need. Then go and burn it, bury it in a place special to you or rip it up. Let it all out and then let it go. If you still struggle maybe seek professional help from a counsellor. This guy is really not worth it, realise you are wonderful and he is the one who has lost out.

Answer #2

I’m sorry, I don’t really have an answer for you. It just seems to me that it was just a teen being a teen. Things didn’t matter to him as much as they did to you, that sucks. Sorry if all I did was state the obvious.

More Like This
Advisor

Sex

Sex education, Intimacy, Relationship advice