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What to do if my mom choses my father over me.

My mom has been married to this man for about 11 years. He’s been my father figure since I was 7 years of age. About a half a year ago I spoke up and told my mother about things that my dad tried with me. Sexual things. The VERY next night he was back living at home with us. Last week while my mom was at work he made other sexual advances towards me. I felt really uncomfortable and scared so I called her home from work. I called the cops this time also. He admits to it all so theres no question about anyone believing that he has tried things. He didnt go to jail, but hes out of the house. My mom talks to him daily like nothing is wrong though and I asked her not to talk to him. She said that she had other kids w ith him and she had to talk to him. They told about things that do not matter though. He will call and tell her about his day and just things that they do not have to talk about anymore, ya know? It really hurts me. My step dad and mom have not had a healthy marriage as it is. They have separated many times and gotten back together. She always takes him back no matter what he has done. I explained to her that if she takes him back this time I woiuld lose a ll of the trust that I have in her. I told her that I would feel like she was chosing him over me and I would NOT stick around. I told her that she would never hear from me again. On the other hand…I have a 9 year old sister that I would NOT want to leave behind in this situation. I’m 95% positive that shes going to take him back. Should I respect her decisions and act like nothing is wrong…knowing that it WILL happen again or should I leave? And what should I do about my sister? I do not want to ruin either of my parents lives, but at the same time I don’t want to ruin mine. Am I being selfish? HELP me =(

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Answer #1

You definetly aren’t being selfish and what you are going through is extremely difficult. Fighting about it with your Mom won’t help because she has her own problems to deal with and obviously she is quite dependant on your step-father and that is why she keeps running back to him. You’ve made yourself clear and now it is up to your mother to try to make the right decision for both of you. In the end, she might feel too lonely or sad to be without him and want him back in the house again but for the moment at least he is out. I highly suggest that you find someone to talk to that can help like other family members, the school concilor, the school social worker or psychologist. These people will help you deal with the hard stuff and give you ideas and advice as where to go from here. Try to take it one step at a time. Good luck!

Answer #2

first off your not being selfish…do you have other family…where is your dad…maybe you should talk to your family and see if they have any advice maybe they can help and take in your sister and you! good luck

Answer #3

You are a clever girl, you could avert your “dad”‘s molestation, and finally he left the house. I think this is enough. I do not think that you should tell your mother who to talk with by phone, or who to see him out of the house. You, your sister and your mother should live a nice family life, try to achieve a good atmosphere at home, and let your mother on her own way when she is out of the house.

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