How can I move out without hurting my parents?

I feel for your situation. They are saying to you that if you want to move out of their home, then you must be truly independent. I think at your age, it would be a mistake to do that at this time. It doesn’t matter that they are being mean and won’t cut the cord–these are the cards that are on the table. So lets have a look at them and make a strategy to play them.

I think your problem is that you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel–a difference between high school home life and college home life. You need to sit down with your parents like an adult. Tell them that you love them and thank them for their support. Tell them you don’t want to leave, but your brothers invade your privacy and space and annoy you to the point that you feel driven from the home. Then its time to talk about boundaries and expectations once college starts. At this point, all you know of expectations in college is that they expect you to live at home. What other expectations will they have? Don’t tell me, ask THEM.

At this point–you don’t have any boundaries and expectations set up in the household for living there while going to college. You will be working, going to class, studying and hanging out with friends. You will be having more freedom but you need to ask your parents what their expectations are of you once you begin college–and THEN you need to state what your expectations are for staying. You are growing up and it is time to start establishing yourself little by little. So for staying there, working and studying, helping to pay your own way, going to college under their support, ask that there be rules established for your brothers to abide by. You will need privacy to study and respect of your belongings. Maybe you can change rooms, have the basement, set up a personal space for you in the home and have a key to your door (of course you must offer to give your parents a copy of the key as well! Tell them what social activities you will want to be involved in, what your goals are, and what their expectations are. IS there a curfew?

You don’t have enough information established here to make this decision. Talk with your parents about how to best accomodate everyone–tell them what your concerns are in a non-confrontational way. Not, “You guys need to cut the cord”. Just frank statements about the kind of social life you’d like to have as a freshman in college.

They love and care about you and are giving you a huge gift of education. Take it from me–I’m an ex-foster kid with no family and was sent packing from the state when I was 18. No college, just work and struggle and hardship while all my college friends were settling into careers their degrees afforded them, I was working my way up the food chain at work fighting to get ahead. Thank god I finally go there, but it took me 5 years to accomplish what a simple degree would have. Think about this. I bet you can all come to an agreement and a compromise.