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What do you think of my childrens story
In a world where the fog is made of pencils, there was a bunny named stew. This bunny was so funny, because he had a lot of money. He lived in a hole, to eat carrots from his bowl. And his spoon was made of gold because his father was very old. When stew the bunny came home one day, he saw that greg the frog wanted to play. So they hop hop hoped, far far away. Along the road they found 3 stacks of hey. But whos stacks were they? Stew and greg started to look around. Can you guess who they found? It was larry the horse. Larry ran with lots of force, around the racing course. Larry did good in the race, in fact, larry came in first place. When larry saw stew and greg, he went over to show them his strong legs. He started to run, and stew and greg thought it looked fun. But they could only hop, so it made them sad. They asked larry how to run, so they could show him what they had. Larry told them they would never know how to run, but they could ride on his back for some fun. Larry needed food, so stew and greg took him to the stacks of hey. But jack the farmer said he had to pay. Larry had no money, so he thought there was no way. He was about to leave, until stew said he would pay. And larry was so happy, he didn’t know what to say. Jack asked the 3 if they would watch his cow, while he washed his pig. They said they would, but greg thought the cow was big. Larry asked the cow, “what is your name?” the cow told him his name was shane. Shane was eating all the grass, hoping that some time would pass. When the farmer came back, he offered them some fresh corn for free. The bunny left to hop around a tree and the frog went to live in the sea, but the horse just had to agree, and stay to enjoy the farmer’s corn.
I like it =) the rhyme scheme makes it quite original and good for children (and to verbally narrate to them), however I agree with jackie that in places it seems a little strange. I think it is this little bit that needs adjusting if possible:
“But they could only hop, so it made them sad. They asked larry how to run, so they could show him what they had.”
As throughout the rest you have a consistent rhyme scheme where the middle and end of sentence both rhyme. But the ‘sad’ interrupts that here and you do no go on to rhyme ‘hop’ with anything. It just seems to fragment it a bit in the middle.
Otherwise though it is great and was very entertaining. Well done :)
(Oh, and it is spelt ‘hay’ not ‘hey’ when you have this definition :) )
LOL. THAT’S AWSOME! god how did you come up with this? well I really like it but I don’t really get the message. what is the main idea? also. what’s the title of this story?
I thought it was cute but has a wierd rhyming scheme you should get someone to draw pictures for it then it would be really good
xD its very good. Cute =]
cute. LOL
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