What do I do when I am married but love someone else?

So my wife is my best friend, and I do love her but we fight a lot and dont have much in common. She was the first lover I had and we got married very young so I feel kind of like im missing out on a whole aspect of life and I feel way older than I am. Whenever I think about leaving her or anything the only thing I can think about is that I couldent stand to see her unhappy, but is that worth my unhappyness. I also recently reconnected with an old friend that I have always been madly in love with since I first met. I know my feelings for her are not purely physical, I’m starting to think about her more and more everyday but she dosent know my feelings at all, and she is also my wifes best friend. I dont know what to do at all in my mind I feel like I would be happier with this old friend that I have strong feelings for and we have a lot in common. But I also dont think I am physically able to tell my wife about it or to leave her, I also am not even sure if my friend likes me at all and who’s side she would take if my wife and I split. This is driving me insane I dont sleep anymore and I’ve started drinking a lot.

Answer #1

What do I do, I love my wife and we did indeed talk about separating, but I had a change of heart and believe we can save the marriage, the problem is she is infatuated with a married man. While I go through so much stress, he is romancing my wife. I spoke with him a while back and appeal to his good side to stop contact with my wife, he said he would. But my wife continued contacting him and he also continues contacting my wife. Question, should I let her wife know she is married to a cheat

Answer #2

get a divorse… but I bet that once you leave yor wife and hook up with this new girl and you’ll want your wife back and probably she wont b there for you!!!

Answer #3
  1. stop drinking, now.

  2. you shouldn’t lead your wife on like that. communication is key, so tell her that you think your marriage is going sour. you two can then possibly try to work it out and go to marriage counseling, and if worse comes to worse, get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Answer #4

So, you divorce your wife and you and this girl hook up… where does that leave your wife? If you are truly unhappy with your wife you should tell her and try the counseling first, as tinatodder said, and if that doesn’t work you should get the divorce, but leave her best friend out of it! Also, quit drinking before you get too far gone, you are just setting yourself up for failure! I hope you make good choices!

Answer #5

You are in love with somebody but you do not know if she could reciprocate your feelings or not. And that is absolutely unsure that you would be happier with her after few years than you are now with your wife. Since this girl is the best friend of both you and your wife you may stay around her just enough. In your situation I would try to convince them to make 3some fun few times, but that is a question if you are mannish enough to reach this aim. If not, the only way for you is a platonic love to this woman. I could hardy imagine that she would take the husband of her old and good friend. To Making some common fun together seems more possible to me.

Answer #6

Well…I am in a VERY similar boat myself…except the person I am falling in love with is a woman…and my best friend. But I haven’t reacted on my feelings and she knows how I feel and feels the same. I will not do anything until I can figure out what I need to do with my marriage. I made that commitment to my husband and I owe that to him. You should do the same with your wife. It sounds like you want to know you will have someone…whether it be you stay with your wife or whether you leave her and go with her friend…and emotions can certainly take the best of you…trust me I know…but be strong and hold to your morals. This isn’t a time to be selfish…too many feeling’s are at stake and in situations like this…it’ll blow up in your face. People usually only cheat to fulfill something missing in their marriage…give yourself time to grasp these emotions you are feeling and THEN make your decision. It’ll be worth it in the long run.

Answer #7

hey…pretty much I am in the same boat. I was feeling its me…while I read your situation…Even I got married to a girl around 4 years ago who I never saw before and neither we had any relationship. Anyways, we have a kid too. I wish I was not married on the first part, but that is a reality now. I have been in touch with a Chinese girl since past three or four years. I fell in love with this other girl, dont know how, but did. She is currently in another state doing her studies. We both have a good compatibility, pretty much same tastes. Its just not a lust or infatuation, but we also have some common kind of goals…career-wise and in terms of standards of life, family values and all. Whereas, me and my wife always fight over same things. She does not seem to be career-oriented nor have plans for future. Just lives in today. I am finding it hard now to not think about this Chinese girl and losing interest in other things. I dont know if I can get divorce as I dont want to hurt my wife (though she hurts me always). I am in such a situation, dont know what to do. Cannot live without the girl I really love and cant even tell my wife I need to get separated. Besides if I tell her, she will not divorce me and that is what is eating me from inside. I am feeling so helpless. I never had such a feeling that I have now for this Chinese girl. What should I do?…What would you do in your situation ?? Probably we both need a same answer.

Answer #8

I have the same problem, but my situation is very complicated. I’ve been married with my wife for over 2 years now…our marriage has been rocky, little fights that last 10 minutes or so, but they are important ones. Until recently, 3 months ago, its gotten a little better, and we always wanted to start a family and told ourselves this is the perfect time, and I think a baby will help us be closer. So now my wife is 2 months pregnant, but recently, something has changed. I have started to have strong feelings for this girl I have been working with. We have been working together for 5 years now, and we never really talked or opened up, for some reason. On my part it was always shiness, on hers, I dont know. So recently, we started to work closely together and we talk more now. My feelings for her have grown, to the point where I think about her often. What do I do? Do I take a chance and take this girl out for some lunches and hope to find out why im feeling this way, which is amazing? Or do I try to stay as far away as possible from this girl and try to work things out with my wife, who is also pregnant? I really need some advice on this.

Answer #9

I’m in the exact same spot. I married a nice guy on the rebound from a break up from the guy I really love. Now, it’s like daily torture thinking about him. But, he’s also married now so that’s not a possibility. BUT, I am still unhappy in my marriage and I could find someone else I really love - even if it’s not my ex. It’s very hard to stay in a marriage where there is no love. I refuse to have sex with my husband as I don’t like having sex with someone I don’t have feelings for - it’s “icky” to me. I am also planning a divorce as I don’t think counseling will help - counseling can’t make me have feelings for. Well, I guess I am in some sort of counseling - I’ve been talking a lot about this and other things with a close relative who is very wise. I guess my biggest fear is growing old and regretting that I stayed with someone I didn’t love and wasting so many good years that could have been spent with someone I do love. I guess I’d suggest the following:

  1. Get Counseling and stop drinking - you’re only trying to escape your feelings.
  2. If you know counseling isn’t going to work, stop having intimate relations with your wife. It’s unfair to her to continue intimacy when you’re going to bail.
  3. Plan your divorce. Divorces take a lot of paperwork, time and planning. You’ll need to find documents (like W-2’s, retirement documents, etc.). Find and fill out a divorce questionnaire, especially if you have kids. It might be a real eye opener and help you face some tough realities of divorce and maybe you’ll decide to work on it.
  4. A divorce without kids is tough. A divorce with kids is aweful. Ask yourself: can you stand to be apart from your kids for 2 or more days? How will you feel when your wife finds a new mate? What if she re-marries?
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