Can anyone help a depressed anorexic?

I wasn’t meant to be here. I don’t want to be here anymore. Life just wasn’t meant for me. Why can’t it be okay to want to die? I’m just a stupid, ugly, fat, loser who is only causing others pain and agony. I’ve been anorexic for umm.. 25 years old- 18 years old= 8 years now. I’m probably 90lbs at 5’ 7.5” tall. I have a BSc. in Chemistry and Psychology to proof all those assholes in elementary school that I was NOT dumb- but I still feel I am. I am a people pleaser- I hated school and all the subjects except Gym and math. I only got the BSc. to please others. Now I feel empty and want to die. I want to act but everyone tells me it’s too hard an industry to get into. Plus, I can’t remember very well. I have a learning disability that was diagnosis in University- I have a poor working memory (it’s part of the short-term memory system). I am working full-time as a Lab Tech., but I work so much I don’t even have time to go out anywhere, plus I am too cheap. I am just putting my money in savings so that when I die I can give it all to my parents who paid for my University education. I hope they go on a really nice trip or buy themselves something nice. They have hearts of gold, are very caring, honest, hard-working people. I swear I was either adopted or a devil-child who unfortunately was born and ruined their lives- they are always worrying about me, and I hate that I put them through all this. I want to die and rest in peace so they can stop worry every second of the day.