What to do if your parents are forcing religion onto you?

Thanks :) I know I will but it’s gonna be a long 3 years

Have you talked with your dad or mom about wanting to return to the counseling you were in before? Try to negotiate with them. Tell them how glad you are that they’ve recognized the difficulty you were having before, and that they’re taking it seriously and giving close attention to make sure you don’t return to self-injury, and that you’re trying to give church and youth group your best shot, but the transition is hard for you and makes you feel like going back to cutting sometimes, even though you don’t want to. Tell them you know you could handle it better if you could continue the counseling you were in before and ask them to support you in trying to heal emotionally and spiritually by letting you go back to that, while you continue trying to form new connections and friendships at church. Do this soon after the obgyn appointment that you mention in your status update, when your mom has learned that you told the truth about not being sexually active yet.

Maybe (use your judgment) you could also say that a relationship with G!d can only be real for you if you find your own way into it, so they need to let you try to figure out for yourself, like they’ve already had a chance to do.

But you have to tell them the truth. It’s fine to hold some things back, but don’t try to deceive them. The trick is to find a way to express your own needs and feelings in a way that doesn’t clash with them. Draw on the fact that you’re agnostic, not atheist. Can you be open to what they’re putting in front of you, not as a believer, but with an interested curiosity about it, instead of being overcome by a kind of judgmental, knee-jerk resistance to everything about it? Chances are (referring to your status update again here) that you, too, want to have a sense of purpose and to believe that things can be better. Even non-religious people can find spiritual depth and wisdom in scripture.

I did tell my mom I wanted to go back to my other counselor but she just said no and that she wants a christian counsel so that they can get a word from god on what they should say and stuff and help me get my heart right with god. And they didn’t put me into counseling themselves I asked many times and they denied it and didn’t put me in it until I had to go to the hospital and get stitches cuz I cut open my arm. Then last night when I was putting an ice cube on my arm cuz I felt like cutting my mom walked by and rolled her eyes at me then yelled out “well put away th le razor blades” in a sarcastic tone. And when they did find out I was cutting they were mad and grounded me…

That ice cube thing sounds like a great idea! Do you find it helpful? Your mom’s anger and punishment don’t sound very helpful. But as I suggested before, there’s a good side to it too: She’s taking your self-injury (and the emotional pain that goes with it) seriously, rather than being in denial about it. I think you can probably understand how sad and frustrating it is for your mom to see you wanting to cut yourself and to feel like she doesn’t understand why and doesn’t know how to help the daughter she loves so much. It’s that sense of helplessness that really makes her angry, more than your cutting. Annie, you might be able to help your parents get out of the trap of feeling polarized with you, as though you and they are on opposite sides, because you’re really not. But to do that, you have to be able to step outside that polarization yourself and find another way to look at what’s going on between you. Part of that is for you to try to understand how it is for them, and to trust that they do want to help you and are trying to do that in the best way they know, even if they don’t have a clue how. Another part is to try to ally what you want with what they want, instead of setting your agenda against theirs. If they see you participating willingly in the Christian counseling and other things they’ve arranged for you, and see that you continue to ask to return to your other counseling in addition to that (not instead of it), but without making it a point of opposition between you, maybe they will become more accepting of the idea that it, too, could help If, on the other hand, they think you are counterposing that “good” counseling to their “bad” religious counseling, they will certainly continue to just see it as a threat. I obviously can’t guaranty that this is a way for you to get your parents to let you return to your previous counseling, but I’m pretty certain that the difference of attitude I’m trying to describe could make things easier between you and them.

As an outsider based on your posting Annie, I can see both sides of the coin and Hayyim’s response and advice is excellent. He basically is saying everything I was thinking…more eloquently LOL, but words to the same effect. What we don’t understand, breeds fear. And as a parent, that fear is amplified many times over when it involves your child and a sense of panic helplessness, in what to do. Although you may not see it in their actions/words….that is, what it is. Every action has a reaction, and yours are based on your part in it, as theirs are theirs. When you rebel your pushing and the response usually nets you someone pushing right back. That doesn’t resolve anything it just escalates into a bigger shoving match. Someone has to take the first steps to crossing that bridge in meeting half way. If you want it to change, that has to be you. And the only way you can do that is to keep an open mind and communication with them. Letting go of the resentments you feel you are being forced into, and opening up your mind, might help if you reflect on this quote by Richard Bach….. You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don’t turn away from possible futures before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them.

Okay… as a fellow ex-cutter. I KNOW what you are going through. I still have moments of weakness so I’m not going to lie to you and say once you stop you wuit forever. Just know that you have to find something else that can help you cope. Or you can realize that it DOES affect the people around you. Your parents shouldnt do the things they are doing because, as human nature, we want to do what they dont want us to. its like saying” DONT LOOK” and then you look!!! So having strict parents isnt going to help. I’m NOT telling you its ok to keep cutting but if you have to then cut in inconspicuous places, Love. As for the whole religion thing. I know how you feel because I have UBER christian family members. I still havent told them and I’ve been pagen and its been almost a year. I would say your best bet is to fake it. Its harsh but my life has been so much easier by pretending. I know what i believe in and yes others disagree, but they dont matter and I dont have to tell them $h!t…. you know? They just want to help in the only way they know possible but its better to “try” and fake it than to keep turning against them and have to go the rest of your life without any help from them. Let me know if you need to talk somemore. I’m here for you!

you have your own mind and your own voice..use it

Yes the ice cube thing does help… I’m kinda stubborn and I know I need to get over that to be able to go to church with a good attitude but every single thing I say like if I’m having a problem my mom goes into a lecture about god… It’s just kind of annoying about how much pressure there is…. I’m not sure what is gonna happen with the counseling cuz nothin has yet…

When I did wanna cut it was just like I wanna cut but now since they check my arms and everything I’ve just been over eating and that really sucks cuz I know it’s gonna catch up with me… I think I have some sort of anxiety or ADHD but I talked to my mom about I and she’s like well those are just evil spirts and you need to be prayed for lol…. I hate to have to pretend though cuz it’s like why shouldn’t I be able to express myself in the way i choose to. Why should I be forced into something I don’t believe in? It’s just so frustrating

I ignore it and tell them straight up that they’re pushing it on me and that I don’t believe in what they believe. My mom does this to me all the time.