Should I move out to keep my sanity, or stay and go nuts?

Hey Everyone,

Being the scape goat in the family I have been tormented, abused (physically, mentally, emotionally and any other way possible) and ripped to pieces inside over the years of my life. I am 18 very soon to be 19 and I am losing my sanity here.

First of all let’s start with me. I can be a demanding person with high defense levels. I have trouble listening to the word “no” and I can be manipulating. I have been through years and years of counseling from physiatrists to school youth workers and family and children services. I have been but on and have tried almost every anti depressant on the market because I have been thought to have something wrong with me.

I have been through a lot of torment, abuse, and bullying in my life from neighbors, to boyfriends to parents to siblings to myself. There was a point in time where I was extremely suicidal and would cut myself to ease the pain caused by abusive ex-boyfriends and the unsupportive house that I live in.

It might seem like I am pointing the fingers at everyone else, and I am aware that most people out there do blame everyone else and do not take responsibility for their own actions. I have had many of people come into this house and witness the cruelty, cold hearted comments and unfairness shown towards me and all that has been said is “you need to get yourself out of that house.”

Let me introduce you to the family I have to live with.

My so called “Mom” is judgmental, cruel and blunt. I have been overweight for the majority of my life and she had me on a diet at the age of 7. She has gone as so far as to take pictures of me when I was crying, or upset when I was little and shown them to me later on in my life and had the nerve to say “see what you were like, and still are?”

The only time I am able to talk to her is when she is having smoke breaks in the garage. Just so happens that I have Asthma. After she was done her smokes, she would go back in side whether I was done talking or not and go back to her regular “cleaning the house is more important than anything else attitude”.

When I have needed a supportive mother she would always be criticizing everything that I do as well as my weight. I try to have a decent conversation with her and it ends up in an argument over my weight and what I should be doing to change it. I know she means well in some strange way but she has not stopped to think that she might be destroying my self confidence, while she tells me to get more of. She never had a mother influence so I am not sure if my mom knows how to BE a mom in the first place.

My dad however did have parents, parents that were never good to him. His dad would always be beating him and he was the middle child and stuck out like a soar thumb. He has taken some of his lived misery out on me. He has beaten me until the point I needed to go to the hospital for urgent care. I have had many concussions from his abuse. He has had medical problems so he uses that as an excuse to use hash to minimize his problems. If he hasn’t had a “fix” he gets very edgy and violent.

My parents together did not raise their 4 children properly. They always spanked us (which I am totally 100% against. I am living proof of just how much it can screw a child up.) They never followed through with other punishments like grounding or “no TV.” So now that we have grown up they can’t spank us anymore, and since they always said “you’re grounded” and never did ground us, all us 4 never take them seriously and we do what we want. There fore they have lost complete control of their children and all they do is tell us that we are such unruly children. All they do is tell us all how bad we are and how screwed up we all are which can be extremely damaging.

My 2 brothers have been favored due to the fact that they are not close in age and never fight. My older brother (21) has been smoking since he was in elementary and has been in trouble with the law, drugs and gambling and didn’t get his OSSD until he was 20. My younger brother who skips a lot (15) has now got himself into the habit of smoking and doing drugs. Because of the age difference they don’t really fight but they have picked on me about my weight.

My sister (16) is a whole other chapter itself. She has a major stealing problem. She steals anything she can get her hands on and also has a criminal record for stealing. She has been stealing my jewelry, money, hair things, socks, underwear, you name it, and she’s stolen it for years now. She even steals from my parents. I have to lock my things up in safes so she doesn’t steal it. I have no sense of privacy I have to hide everything. We fight like cats and dogs but she is the younger daughter so she gets away with bloody murder. I am the older one so I am expected to be better behaved but my parents don’t realize what that does to me. My sister has always been favored over me. She skips school and has flunked so many grades and gotten kicked out of 2 schools. She also smokes and does drugs like ecstasy, weed, hash, and what ever else I don’t know about. She is always having unprotected sex with all sorts of different guys. She takes off for weeks at a time and never gets in real trouble for it.

And then there is me, who doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs or smoke, graduated with honors and is able to work and keep a job as well as save money for my future education plans. I was forced to grow up at such a young age and I never really got a chance to be a kid. The only problems I have are my weight and my attitude (which they think I have but I feel I have every right to have towards them).

I have about 2.5 grand saved up for school so far in my account and I am not sure about what to do with it. Either move out and get myself away from this extremely dysfunctional family and keep my sanity or stay here because it’s free, and literally go loony.

I know how to change my frame of mind and think “they are just people I live with; the rent is cheap so just bite the bullet and live with them a little longer to get by even though I don’t like them.” But how long am I supposed to put up with this insane house? When I say insane, I mean INSANE. People yell at the top of their voices until they have strokes, people yell until they are blue in the face and lose their voices. This doesn’t happen “occasionally” it happens a few times everyday. People have no respect when you are trying to sleep.

Lately my fiancée has been noticing a difference in my mood. I am going from one extreme to the other. I am getting so irritable I will start going crazy over stupid little things like when I can’t get something out of my eye. I can’t do anything in this house with out having to hear about it. I barricade myself in my room because I don’t want to associate myself with them. I have to make food and eat it in private in fear of people’s rude comments. I am so wrecked in side I don’t know if I can heal myself. It’s going to take time. I know moving out isn’t the answer but it might be a start to the healing process. I don’t think I can lose weight because I am being constantly bombarded by my family to lose it. I am so stressed out that I don’t think my body will allow me to lose weight no matter how hard I try.

My parents don’t let me do anything. My fiancée is having problems with his truck and is offering to teach me stuff, and my parents are complaining about it. It’s like they don’t want me to learn anything. We can’t do it at his house because I am banned. His mother hates me because I am fat. If you want to read up on this article too you can search for “My boyfriend’s mom hates me because I am overweight.”

My parents talk to me and about me like I am stupid. My dad would rather talk to my fiancée, someone who he has only known a short while rather than his own daughter. He has told my fiancée things about his life that he hasn’t even told me. I feel so unwanted here and I just can’t see a point trying to make things work here and putting myself through more suffering than need be.

If I move out my fiancée will move in with me. (Oh and I told my parents that I was engaged, and they didn’t say a word. They don’t think I am serious.) He will be making enough to cover the both of us so I still am able to save.

All my parents think about is me going to college. If I am not doing anything that involves this, than it’s not good enough. They have been pressuring me to go non-stop and I am not ready at all. I want to be able to focus because I am spending a lot of money on these courses and I was to do my absolute best. I honestly think I am too young to be going for a nursing program. Is there anything wrong with trying to live a little bit before I go dedicate my life to a career? I am not getting off track.

What do you think? Please comment.

Answer #1

You are definately not too young for a nursing program….I think you should pursue that full bore for the following reasons: 1) you’ll be an RN at a young age - commanding an excellent salary - your pick of where to work and probably what hours to work - 2) this would distance you from your terrible family situation and gives you time/space to make sure this boyfriend is right for you…..if he is, he’ll be there after your graduation true ?

My humble opinion, Good Luck and God Bless !!

Answer #2

I think that it would be good for you to move out like the others said, but not in with a boyfriend, that would be asking for trouble. If he really loves you he will wait and will help you find a place to move that you can afford.

Also I would recommend that you go to school if at all possible because it will be easier now than later when your married with children. Trust me on that. My husband is going to school now at 43 years of age and it is a lot harder now than it would of been if he had went ahead and gotten a degree when he was younger before getting married and starting a family.

As for loosing weight, stress can make loosing weight very hard as can real medical problems, such as pcos, thyroid problems, hormonal problems. There are things you can do that may help depending on what has caused your weight problems. One is to have meals at regular times every day, then eat small portion sizes, and don’t drink sodas or very much juice, and don’t add sugar to anything. and drink lots of water. Then find a track or someplace safe that you can go walking every day, and start a walking program. Start off with walking because that will help with your stress levels and it will help you to also loose weight at the same time. It can also help you to have a little time to your self that you can use to just think.

If you do not go to church now, I would recommend that you find one that you can attend, the reason why is because if you find a good church to attend you may also start building up a much needed support system, and many people have gone thru similar things and can help you see the benifits of staying or of leaving. And help you to see how that has panned out in their lives, some people do stay in these situations and regret it, others are able to stay in a situation and bring change to their families (but that would be very rare) then others leave and by leaving it helps not only themselves but their families, because a lot of times a family may not realize how they are really making others feel.

Also you will need to be the one who sets the example for your family, they need to see that there is a better way, and you can do that by moving out, because if you do well people will notice and even if you do not say anything to your parents or family others who know both them and you may,

Also it is not easy to do any of these things but it is possible. You can do anything that you set your mind to do.

Seek out people who can have a positive influence in your life, find a good church, join social clubs, (there are even clubs or groups for people who have weight problems and all kinds of support groups you just have to look for them, many of these are free. )

I hope that you do very well in your life, also I hope that you have learned from your family how not to treat your own children, you can learn both positive and negative from our families and both can help us with our own families.

As for spanking I do believe in spanking BUT not in anger or as the only form of correction, also it has to be within reason, not beating, and not if you are someone who can not control yourself, for anyone who uses spanking just as a means to release frusteration those people have no business spanking, as all that does is cause problems and rebellion. Most families are better off using various forms of restrictions or extra chores not just spankings.

Spankings should be very rare and only for something extreme, such as purposely running out in front of cars, after being forwarned because if the parent catches the child before they are ran over a spanking is normally going to be a lot less serious than being ran over by a car or truck.

Anyway I hope you seriously think about finding your own apartment, and going to school. Also if you decide to continue your relationship with your boyfriend you have to remember if his mom already does not like you, if you stay together you could be in for many difficult years ahead of you, and if you have children she could cause even more problems, as she may want to tell you how to raise your children.

hope things are getting better for you, I hope the advice you have been given has been helpful, I just joined this site today.

Answer #3

ok, first of all put the word fiance’ aside for awyhile. ok don’t get upset, just listen from experience.Put any idea of getting married out of your head,why? because you hgavce to take care of you and your future first.You need to move out, but by yourself. You can do this I promise. You will qualify for government grants,which should cover all expensis for college. Then you may qualify for housing and food stamps given your age and being out on your own and a full time student. Check into to it. Use your money to get a studio apt or one bedroom. You will be able to payeverything from working and any left over money you get from grants you get to keep. If you are still struggling you can take out loans for school and use them towards living because the grants are taking care of college.Just be careful how much you borrow to live on. You pay these back after you graduate and get a job. they can also be deferred. Anyways you can buy nice, decent furniture out of the clASSIFIEDS OR THRIFT STORES OR EVEN ON CRAIGSLIST.COM hAVE YOUR OWN SPACE TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD. Clear your head and figure ouit how you feel about yourself then. If you want to lose weight then change your diet and exercise. You will not be able to do any of this though until you get in a positive frame of mind. It just doesn’t work.Take a breather from your boyfriend. I am sure he gives you comfort and positive reenforcement, but find out who you really are without him. I mean discover your inner self and thoughts Be independant. You have always had someone looking over your shoulder critisizing you, enjoy the freedom of being happy. Make goals foryourself. College is a great start. Think of where you want to be in life 6 mths from now. How do you want to see yourself then.Write something positive about your life and yourself everyday and read them everyday. Stay away from the negitive until you are strong enough to stand up to it. You need to go out into the world and smile and have a positive attitude even when you feel negitive, fake it if you have to. Why? Because when people see the inner beauty they respond much better to you and it helps boost your self esteem up along the way.People can spot unhappieness and misery. They either want to stay clear or add to it.After you start feeling better about yourself, then start up with the fiance’ again. He will be shovcked and love you more for the real you hidden away. Don’t give up your job if you do live with him or your independance, it will drag you down also. You won’t have any self worth. And Please, please don’t get married so young. Wait until you graduate college first. If he really loves you he will support that. After you move out do not let you family have your address or phone numbver. They will still want to drag you down. Steer clear of them until you are stable again. Start walking, yoga,pilates, kick boxing, anything like that. It will help takes the stress away and you’re getting fit.Start taking a multi vitaman and knock out the pop. Start drinking lots of water, flavored if you don’t like regular.Drink crystal light, or anything with low sugar or no sugar. You’d be suprised how much weight you can olose by taking pop out of the diet. You also feel so much better. Once you get the weight off, add a glass or 2 into your diet daily. Stay away from fried crap too. late at night or lunches, and at school eat lunch meat sandwiches, cereal(like special K or something not high in sugar) salads, puddings or jellos. These aren’t high in fat or yougart w/ fruit if you like it.Stay away from the fast food. Every once in awhile is ok. See once you start losing the wieght and gaining muscle your metabilism biulds up and you digest food faster. The weight maintains. Get some 10 lb weights or 5’s to start and do weights also. this helps cardio and to have great shaped arms.These things will all help you fel normal again without any meds.You will find a yyou that is hidden behind all the pain. SWhed the past and start new. Once you do start using the past as a tool. You can become a stronger woman, a better woman. Chalk it up as a bad learning experience and don’t ever, ever dwell on it again.You are getting advise from someone with lots of experience and has been there in the low self esteem and negitivity. My friends tell me I am the strongest person and happiest person they know. I had to change my life and keep chugging in the bad times. I have faith in you and believe you can do this. Don’t bail if it gets tough, fight even harder. I am here with you. My name is Heather, I am 34 and have been through rape, single parent because of it,an abusive marriage, tons of guys hurting me, and parents who weren’t the greatest , going through collegfe in my 20’s as a single parent, and being on my own at 19. You can e mail me anytime. If you want to know what I have been through and done let me know I will tell you Just know I care about you and getting your life straight. A total stranger cares and wants you to have a better life for yourself. Anyone else reading her answered email, don’t email me. This is only a junk mail address. I will send her the real addy I use all the time privately.

Answer #4

you should move out an make your parents look like crap and then theyll feel bad because they thought that you had a good life with them but if you dont let them know that you are haveing a hard time even if you are then itll all be cool!!!

Answer #5

Report this to a professional about the abusing and get help… If u can move to a friend that will take you in and do them a huge favour later on. GOOD LUCK

Answer #6

Someone earased the e mail add I sent at the bottom of my comment. e mail me thriough here and i will give it to you. It was a junk e mail anywAYS THAT IS WHY i POSTED IT. IT INS ENCODED SO NOBODY COULD GET IFO FROM IT. SOME PEOPLE CAN’T MIND THERE OWN BUSINESS. HEATHER

Answer #7

I now what you mean I live wit druggo pearents who are drunk most of the time and can’t tell an apple apart from a cup!!! I have 14 siblings and we lived off drug money when everyone was here. to be honest a suggest to get a cheap trailer and move away to a new city and get a job if it all goes wrong you can just park the caravan live in it but get what you need from your perants…

Answer #8

Report this to a professional about the abusing and get help… If u can move to a friend that will take you in and do them a huge favour later on. GOOD LUCK

Answer #9

I do not think that you are to young to get married if you want to get married do it my best advice to you is this one though take birth control untill you want to have kids and are able to suport will one day be able to give them a much better life then you have had so far…I am not saying that you are not going to mess them up..we all kind of do ( no I do not have kids) it is more that you will mess them up less then you where messed up if you want to…you could mess them up just as much or worse the choice is yours…I am saying that you are not to young to get married because my grandmother was married at 17 and has been married for 46 years now and so I know that it can work out..most people in why family have gotten married young and it has almost always worked out…only twice has it not…( MY dad alone has six siblings and my mom has a few too huge family) Sadly with my parents it was one of the ones where it didn’t work out. But…it wa their chocie you see the great thing about relationships is that it takes two to make it work out and only one to mess it up. If you and him are both fully commited till death do you part and in sickness and health for richer or poorer then your age means nothing at all. It is about commitment and a willingness to make it work out.

I think that you should leave if you will help you to know if he is right for you and girl you need to get away from that stress that is not healthy at all and no one should put up with that. Not if you do not have are not responsible for their actions and are only acountable for your own..remember can no sooner control them then you could know their hearts.

My life has been pretty fu*d up…worse then yours actually…but none of that matter it is what you do from now on that matters you can not change the past and so don’t even try to…all you can do is live on…you didn’t choose your family none of us do..but you do have the chocie to choose who you want in your life and who you don’t want now. I sujest that you move and get on with choosing a family of choice. There are jsut some people who although they are your family do no t deserve to be in your life and should not be allowed in your life because they are not doing anything good..they are just hurtting you…the choice is yours but I do not see the point in allowing them to stay in your life if all they do is hurt you any way.

Moving out would be really great… I have lived on my own pretty much since I was 15 years old and it is not as hard as people make it out to be. Lol and just look around tons of people do it so it can’t be all that hard…it is very umm liberatting. A lot less stressful though but there is stress to it different ones though..then what you might be use to any way. I think that it would be goos though that you and you boy frinend live together and get a feel for what that would be like too it is good to have an idea…life is all about relationships though and getting along with peope…you have to learn how to do it.

As for school I am seventeen years old and I start college in January 2008…I am planning on majoring in Psychology..and am hoping to one day have a PH.d in it. I want to help people who have been through similar issues…such as your self. It is never to early to get an education though and the benifits are awsome to having it done and over with you can go straight into a career that is well paid and rewarding too..there is plently of time for fun and so don’t rush to just get in to that.

What has happened in your life is not your fault…don’ t blame your self.

As for your weight..what ever makes you happy…it does not matter if you are happy…it may not be completely healthy though so think about that…I think you sould lose weight if you are really over it…but you not going to be able to really do that living where you are now…there is jsut to much else you have to deal with.

You seem very mature and I wish you the best of luck in your situation


Answer #10

You don’t realize it yet but you’re too young to get married… have your whole life to be married, don’t rush into it. The partner that most of us pick as a teenager is NOT always the partner you’d pick as a 30 yr old. Right now you are scared and angry…..rightfully so, your parents didn’t have a clue what they were doing….but you are not in a place to get married. If he’s the “one” he’ll wait however long it takes. You don’t even know who you really are yet.

Your parents were probably young when they had kids and they did it without good role models, so they really don’t know what they are doing. Maybe they are trying their best, as dysfunctional as it is. Get some help first so that you can raise a healthy family and not make the same mistakes they did with you.

Education is great….it will give you options. Live cheaply wherever you can so that you can keep working and saving money. Many hospitals will let you work as a Nurse’s Aid (CNA) AND help you pay for school; this way you can see what being a nurse is like and get hands-on experience …and get help paying for school.

Many, many nurses come from dysfunctional homes. Many end up in codependent, dysfuncional and sometimes abusive (verbally, emotionally, physically) relationships. Beware. PLEASE read about the concept of “boundaries.” There’s a fantastic book about it by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend on Boundaries apply to everything in life, and are especially important for nurses and people in caregiving professions.

I’m so sorry that your home life sucks so much, and it probably would be best for you to get away from your family, but for now you need to live where it’s cheap. If you get your own place (or move in with boyfriend) then you’ll get caught up in lots of bills and never be able to afford school. Education is your ticket out to a better life. If you stay at home, spend your off time away from home as much as possible (and if your parents allow it).

I can hear how angry you are; maybe sometime way in the future you can find a counselor you like just so you can “vent” about your family. I’ve been there. Now that I’m in my 30s and am a parent (and a nurse), I’m finally letting go of the anger. Sometimes people are just doing the best they can….as bad as it is.

Don’t allow anyone to tell you you’re fat, or ugly …or anything disrespectful like that. If you demand respect, people will treat you with respect…..and you have to do the same to them.. SInce you’ve never had a good role model, you’ll have to learn the “right” way to treat people on your own……you sound like a bright girl, you can do it.

Your parents may never say it, so I will. I am very, very proud of you. As you said, you’re growing up in a very dysfunctional home…..yet you are managing to stay off drugs, not smoke AND get fantastic grades AND save money for school. That is awesome! It shows how strong you really are. Don’t let your family bring you down. Be strong. You can do it - you can pull yourself out of this mess and live a better life. It’ will be hard, but so wonderful. Good luck and I’ll say a prayer for you. I understand.

Answer #11


Answer #12

move in with a friend or family member and tell your imediate family you just need a break

Answer #13

dyu hv an email address could i mail u my anser plz my email addy is btww xx

Answer #14

You have been through so much. I understand that living with your parents and with your family is tough…but who said life is easy right? eventho this may sound very corney and cliche, i think it really means something…” what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” You are allowed to be angry with your parents for treating you the way they did and having to make you live in a environment like that. But honestly, you have to learn to ignore it all…avoid it all. try to avoid talking to them or being around them. for instance, dont be in the livingroom when they are around, dont be in the kitchen to eat when they are eating…just try to stay as far as you can from them. You seem very motivated, and you’re not too young to start getting to Nursing school, actually you’re at a age where most kids are going to college and working towards their career. I really hope you don’t put this off till later…its important that you have a goal and you start to achieve your goal right away. Alot of times, people lose focus on what they want and never get back into it. You’re at an age right now where you need to be saving up for future education costs (this is going to be a tough task, however it will pay off)…try to live at home as much as you can but go to a public library or coffee shops to start studying for ur nursing problems most of your days. That way you’re killing two birds with one stone. You get to stay away from your family as much as you can and you get to work on your career. As in moving with your boyfriend, I don’t think it will be such a great idea. The reason being… you are dependent on ur parents to save rent and its making it hard for you to leave eventho you want to…when you decide to move in with your boyfriend, you’re allowing yourself to be stuck in the same situation all over again with your boyfriend. You’ll be dependent on him and he will know that and use that against you if you guys ever get into problems. I’m really not trying to be cynical. I’m really trying to give you my honest advice and hopefully it’ll help.

you have to do things for yourself first then worry about others (like ur parents and siblings). I really wish you much success in life and happiness. goodluck

Answer #15

I just want you to know I totally understand, I am your age and in a very similar situation. Check out scholarships.. with my savigs and scholarships I’m going to beable to completly pay for my college. I am also living with my fiance.. who is paying for our apartment, but I am n charge of feeding the two of us. The freedom is totally worth the struggle.. and it WILL be a struggle. But the satisfaction of bringing yourself freedom and happiness alone is well worth it. Do some deep thinking… are you going to beable to support yourself incase of emergancies? (and i hate this question too… its over asked..) is your fiance REALLY, TRULY commited to you.. can you trust and rely on him as much as you can yourself? And as far as yourself onfidence… you can only be as beautiful as you think you are… dont let other people decide that for you. They don’t deserve that privilage. Good luck and much love–Meag

Answer #16

Dear sam88ca, yes you’ve been through a lot of things and your life you lived sounds troubling and trying. You said you sought out counselling prior…I’m sure this was more or less forced upon you. Well now you are an adult and it’s time to learn from the past. First most you need to seek out counselling now because you want to improve and plan for your future. We aren’t born knowing how to handle life and when life gets away on us we need to seek out those who can help us get it back on track. We can’t do this alone. Actions speak louder words and not only do you need to prove to yourself but to others with actions that you want to get your life together. No one can get you ready for college but you. If this isn’t what you want now than you will probably not want it later either. I don’t know too many people who want to go but know they have to, to get a good job. Your past was dysfunctional it’s up to you to make your future better. Now’s the time to stop looking at who did what but to look at what you are going to do. Sue…good luck

Answer #17

no one can change your life ultimately besides you. your past will make you a stronger person, but you have to let it. I say move out with your boyfriend, and continue to save still. theres no reaosn why you shouldnt move out in a situation like this if your over 18. if I got the chance to leave my house and be on my own, I would, believe me. you’ll be a a lot happier on your own making your own rules living your life how you want to. I think you’de much rather be sane than staying at home. (btw, stress makes it almost impossible for women to lose weight in any way, but in fact gain it. its almost guaranteed if you move out the stress will be taken away from you and you’ll have a much easier time attempting to do anything about your weight) =] hope this helped.

Answer #18

I moved out of my parents house and in with my boyfriend when I was 18 years old. I couldnt have made a better choice. I am one of 5 children and things were crazy and I was losing my mind. To make it all worse, my sisters boyfriend moved into my parents house to. That made me feel like an outsider because she is the only sister I had, and Ray didnt like me so he kept us apart as much as possible. This past year and half has been much much better. My parents and I get along so much better, and so do my siblings and me. I used to be the butt of every joke, the one ridiculed and humiliated. I hated my life. So, I suggest that if you are able to financially, you should get a place of your own. =]

Answer #19

Oh my gawd.I think move in witta friend ill you can afford a place.That’s really sad.I literally cried,seriously,because my best friend died not too long ago from being abused,cutting herself,and forced into drugs.I hate things like that.My sister is a little bit overweight,but I dont make fun of her.She’s my step sister.She’s 12.But honestly,I can be mean,but not usually,and when I am I still dont make fun of her.Move in witta friend.or relative,or sumbody you can trust that has never hurt you.

Answer #20

Well, I can totally understand where you’re coming from because that is pretty close to where I was in my life last year. If you want my honest advice I’d say move out and do it quickly, no amount of money (like the money you’re saving in rent) is worth damaging your wellbeing. However, I wouldn’t jump right into living with your fiance, find a roomate, you’ll probably end up with a friend for life and it won’t ‘cause undue stress on your relationship with your fiance like moving in together to escape an abusive situation will, dealing with a girl suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 24/7 is a lot to ask of someone. Also, definitely take time off before school if that feels right to you, living life to make your parents proud/happy is a recipe for unhappiness, it’s your life, live it the way you want to. When parents mess their kids up and then the kids don’t stop and take a stand for what’s right, they end up continuing the cycle with their own children. I’m doing my best to break the cycle in my family. I wish you all the luck, love and happiness in the world. Do what you feel is best for you, always.

Answer #21

girl i am one of 4 kids also! my dad is a drug addict n my mom is to…i live with my mom n she always critsizes me about anything she can think of…i am the middle kid n i am always getting picked on! i am tryin more then anything to move out but im only 14 n its not working to well for me…my mom always would say were grounded n never do it n all my siblings do watever they want to…all i can say is so hang in there gurl! move out n get out of that situation!

Answer #22

its easy for people here to advise sam on her future plans and how to change her life and heal because they havent suffered the psychological damage that she has endured over the course of her life. I’ve had similiar experiences but nothing to the degree of what you have, im astonished at how you can articulate your feelings and thoughts the way you do and it gives me hope. im trying to move out of my home environment because I too think that is where the healing is and a new beginning. people wouldnt give you the same optimistic cliche bullshit if they had to experience your situation. something im very confident in telling you is that doing nothing will make things worse and you will go down in a spiral of overanalyzation and thoughts that make sense to only yourself. do something so you feel a bit accomplished and continue to do something. when you are out of the physical cause of your depression start shaping your life to how you will be happy. I sincerely hope you happiness.

Answer #23

Your 18 soon to be 19 if you have the money to move out find a place and live on your on thats great do it start your own life make up your own rules better yet if you have the money instead of buying a trailer or apartment or something small to live in

find a house thats good for you maybe a 2 bedroom 1 bath or something

Answer #24

leave and don’t look back. being stuck in a house like that your whole life, you need to live a REAL life. do fun and crazy things and get a taste of how fun life can really be. Some families don’t have family reunions because they are so screwed up. I’m against spanking too. My parents never understood me either…

Answer #25

I Deaf so Talk Diffent move so wont hurt i hate people getting hurt

Answer #26

hey I kind of have the same problem with my family and my house my grand parents and my two lesbian aunts have moved in with us (I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST LESBIANS)(but maybee these two one time they started kissing and guess where it was? RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR! I WAS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING TO THEM but then they just said havent you ever seen two people kiss before? so I just stood out just looking at them blind to what she just said and I said yeah? and there are noises all the time my grand parents stay up until 11:00 at night and I say to them will you please turn the TV down and they say NO YOU HAVE TO HAVE RESPECT FOR US!! well hello? I need to get to sleep! I have talked to mom and dad about this and they say go to bed earlier! BUT I CANT DO THAT WITH 3 BLASTING TV’s IN MY EAR!! IF I GO TO BED EARLY THEN I STILL WONT GET ANY SLEEP SO I WATCH THE TV IN THE LIVING ROOM GUESS WHAT? THEY TELL ME TO TURN DOWN MINE AND SO I DO AND THERES IS STILL BLASTING!!! THEY GET MAD IF IM WATCHING A MEXICAN PROGRAM JUST TO PISS THEM OFF!! THEY DON’T WANT TO HEAR SPANISH BUT THEY ARE GOING TO SLEEP THEY SHOULDN’T CARE IF ITS A MEXICAN PROGRAM OR AN ENGLISH PROGRAM SENSE THEY WANTED THE TV DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! DAMN!! AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS LIKE THE BATHROOM SITUATION. SO DONT FEEL ALL THAT BAD I HAVE HALF OF THE PROBLEMS YOU ARE GOING THROUGH UP THERE IN THE BRAIN AND SUCH AND YOU HATE IT SO MUCH!!!SO YEAH! TALK TO ME SOMETIME AND I CAN GIVE YOU MORE DETAILS! ADD ME AS A FRIND OR SOMETHING BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING I FEEL WE NEED talk about together! because I just might not have the x-act same thing you are going through but we can talk about it BYE!!

Answer #27

I know it would be nice if we could have perfect lives where our family could always be what they need to be. But unfortunately thats not how it is. First of all, I’ve got to say that now that youre 18, and you see all of the problems surrounding you, youve now got to be an adult, and take responsibility for your happiness. It is true that misery loves company, and misery can come in the form of so-called family or friends. It sounds like you, out of everyone that you know, have been blessed with having a good head on your shoulders, and if my opinion counts, I would apply to any community college to begin your nursing career, and for most nursing careers, there is a loan-forgiveness program for anyone going into healthcare. Once you know when youll be starting school, use the money youve saved to get yourself an apartment and find a job or use some of your loan money to pay all your bills until you get your first healthcare job. You will be allright! Its time to move on. You should never let life suck for you, just because everyone else is miserable. Everyone, no matter what, has the option to be a decent person. If they dont, they have problems. Oh and get yourself a bible, and let God be your mother, father, and boyfriend.

Answer #28

torture you parents then live.

Answer #29

Report this to a professional about the abusing and get help… If u can move to a friend that will take you in and do them a huge favour later on. GOOD LUCK

Answer #30

Greetings fellow user, You may be having this problem for the folowing reasons, also I hope you enjoy my help, and rate my advice, Thank you very much, and enjoy the help below! -Well, make a long story short I think that you need to persue counciling, theres nothing wrong with counceling. -Hope my advice help you, Don’t forget to rate =)

Answer #31

gosh love I didnt even read all of it as its just so disturbing I think you are doing really well you have saved money not on drugs.well done. so what if your over weight hun you weigh what ever you feel comfortable with weighing its noones body but yours,if your happy with the weight you are everyone else should mind their own business and fix themselves. I think you should get out of that house-there is help out there for people dealing with what your going through,I think if you have a social worker they can help,also go and see the housing trust,emergency housing helps,there is a lot of help out there to help kids and also they can help with cheap rent,can help with clothing,food,furniture.than when you have the money you can buy nicer stuff. keep up the good work and good luck.

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