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How can I strengthen my relationship with my Mom?

My mom really doesn’t know how much I appreciate and love her. Because we are constantly arguing. Today is Easter, and we had a huge fight. I don’t want to fight with her. My brother and sister left home when I was just 10 and 12 years old. My mom and dad are all that I have because my brother and sister never come around anymore. And it hurts my mom that they don’t. But it’s like sometimes that she takes her anger for them out on me. She can’t say what she wants to say to them, so she tells me how much I hurt her. I don’t try to hurt my mom. The things I say are mean but it’s because I feel like she says mean things to me. I wish she just would remember that she is my best friend ever. I love her so much. What can I do? I can’t keep fighting with her because it’s making me look forward to next year when I’ll be 18 and run off just like my brother and sister did. And I don’t want to put her through that.

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Answer #1

megan md I’m not sure if you still check fun mail, but i truly underst and how you feel. My sisters and i are in the same situation. It’s three of us and my oldest sister left home to live with my dad at the age of 16 because my mom was so mean. the first opportunity i got, i married my child hood sweetheart and moved to california. my youngest sister always got along with my mom until no one else was at home to take the heat from my mom so she channeled her anger to my younger sister. i eventually divorced ..so did my oldest sister. we both moved back to missouri. my oldest sister remarried a wealthy man and moved to florida to keep a good distance from my mother’s negative ways. basically what i’m trying to tell you is that we (my sister and i) made bad decisions to get married early and move out of state to get rid of my mother. don’t misunderstand how much we love her. we would die for our mother and she had done a lot for us. she’s made many sacrifices to keep us safe and to make sure we never had the problems a lot of teens have, but there comes a time when you have to look out for your well being. it doesn’t mean you don’t love your mother. you just need to be happy for you. sometimes distance is better. my mother hated all three of us for leaving, but treated us like crap when we lived with her. she can’t have it both ways. having our own homes has given us the power to take control of our own happiness. we still call and stop by to say hello. i took my mom to chicago this summer and she made everyone miserable, but when its all done, she is still my mom and I still have my happiness away from her. my mother is controlling and has no friends, family members that want to be bothered with her attitude and we are all that she has. however, that does not give her permission to treat us like crap. to make this point with her, i leave her house when she starts to use profanity or upset anyone in her house at that time. This is my way of letting her know I don’t want to be around that negativity and will leave when she acts like that. we still communicate, go out to dinner, and talk on the phone, but we are all happier apart. being apart doesn’t mean you have to be out of touch. your mother has to learn to respect you as a person. just because you are her child doesn’t give her permission to treat you badly. just brush off her mood swings and walk away for a day or so to keep your peace of mind. she’ll get the idea eventually ..and if not, that’s okay, you take care of you and still let her know you are around when she needs you.

Answer #2

after 15 years of not seeing or talking to my mom i called her and she and my dad got back together and not she wants to leave and i do no how th stop her can someone help me i cant lose he again e-mail me at ashleyprew@yahoo.com or wades_babygurl@hotmail.com please help me

Answer #3

Thanks a lot for you guys that wrote back. Today turned out to be an okay day actually. I think that all it takes after an arguement is just for me to go upstairs and get out of her hair for awhile. And her stay downstairs and get out of mine. Then we’re okay until the next fight. I just don’t want it to be this way forever. But maybe it won’t be?

Answer #4

fighting with ur mom is a bad thing and a good thing. its good because u get to say stuff sometimes that u might mean and things u dont mean . u need to tell ur mom that ur not going to do what ur bro and sis did try to give her a great feeling and make sure she thinks ur the best daughter evr

Answer #5

I had an arguement with my mum today as well. I always feel really bad and sometimes just sit down and talk with her and we discuss things. She will know deep down that you don’t mean things said. They get caught in a moment and end up shouting about lots of irrelivent things to what the arguement was about in the first place. Just let her know how much you love her and maybe start doing more ‘mother daughter’ things together. If you feel like your going to be fighting with her just step back and listen to her then calmly respond rather than shout back at her, you’ll both just get more wound up.

Tell me if this was any help?

Answer #6

U see I understand you b/c my relationship with my mother is non-existent. Like I really at times could say that I hate my mother I have been through hell with that lady. I understand that you don’t wanna hurt her I think that you should talk to her like one on one a serious private talk and tell her how u feel. And after that if the relationship doesn’t progress then I would tell you to go ahead and do what you have to do.Tell her everything that you might do like everything be brutally honest with her. And see what happens from there.

Answer #7

my best advice is, next time your getting mad at her pretend shes ur friend. you wouldn’t say what you were thinking to your friend, would you?? its okay to THINK it but, just keep it to yourself. if shes taking her anger out on you then i’d just talk to her and let her know that you hate fighting but shes not doing a great job of helping out. It sounds like she needs you though. so, even though its not so fun going to the mall or the movies with your mom than your bf or someone still spend time with her if you want to get closer. good luck!

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