married and wanting to have an affair,a little excitement .Like w

Well I've been married for quite a few years and have 2 kids.Husband is a great guy but I'm not in love with him.I don't want to leave my marriage for a number of reasons,kids financial reasons and my family would flip.I'm just not sexually attracted to my husband.I want some excitment.I've tried rekindling my love for my husband to no avail.I've had an affair and enjoyed it but felt really guilty because this other guy got married and his wife got pregant.Now I've established this close friendship with this guy at work and want to have an affair and he does to but afraid because I'm married.Should I follow my heart like the saying goes and go for the affair or just deal with my life the way it is,which isn't really bad.I just want to have some excitement and the feeling of being with someone my age and my interest which this guy is.The age difference between me and my husband is 10 years.Another reason I like tyhis guy is he is sooo cute and very sweet,and innocent seeming.Does this make any since?

Answer #1

I am a white male and my wife is begging me to have sex with my friend who is black. He and I work out together at the gym and I know he would love to screw my wife. The truth is, I would love for him to ram his massive penis in her. I know she loves me but I do know she would love to be intimate with him. Should I just let her?

Answer #2

I say go for it!! You’ve got nothin to lose!!

Answer #3

Well…having an affair is unethical, but who am I or anybody else to judge you. We all fall short and make mistakes. Life is too short to not have some excitement, I would just suggest not doing something that could affect your children or cause a ripple effect that you may deeply regret later.

Answer #4

What is selfish? SELFISH? And what is it’s opposite? Is it’s opposite better?

Answer #5

Wow - just read all of this.

I too am contemplating an affair. Married 19 years - actually love my husband and he says he loves me but … there is no passion. No sex. I miss that, I crave it and feel so worthless without it. All appearances are that we have a good marriage. We don’t argue, we parent together. We laugh. But we don’t have sex.

For several years I just accepted this was my lot in life. I’ve a very quiet person my husband is the aggressor. I started buying new lingeria, I made little suggestions - they went unnoticed for the most part.

Then a couple of years ago I got up the nerve to bring it up. He said he was shocked - didn’t know I was unhappy. Told me to be more direct. That worked for a short period of time. Then he said he felt like a sex toy and that perhaps I needed to buy some of those. This was my problem and I needed to handle it myself.

That hurt - but I did. I never wanted to make him uncomfortable. Last year I broke down and said it wasn’t just the release it was that I needed some affection as well. It has gotten to the point that if I held his hand he felt I was trying to initiate sex and he wasn’t in the mood.

I’ve asked about health issues - he won’t see the doctor.

I’ve lost weight, I’ve changed my appearance. I’ve thrown myself into projects but I’m still not satisfied.

Heaven only knows why I love him but I do. This year we have had more sex then in the previous two - but once a month just isn’t enough for me.

I feel like I’m always bringing up this issue and he gets so defensive now. I don’t guess I know how to communicate.

He has said he does not approve of my new cloths - the tops are too low cut. Hell - I’m a 47 year old woman - I’m not shopping in the teen department! but I put the things away that he commented on and bought some more conservative things. He didn’t like skinny jeans - well they feel good - so I’m wearing but I wear a top out - I am your typical middle aged mom! My uniform is shorts and t-shirts.

My bedtime attaire has become more sexy but he doesn’t comment on that and it doesn’t seem to stimulate anything. I mentioned I bought something with him in mind and his response was ‘You don’t have to do, I don’t care what you wear.’

So what’s the point?

Why shouldn’t I look somewhere else for a little excitement?

I hear these men and I see the women writing too and I’m still confussed. You all make sense.

I just want to be held and desired. I want to put my hands all over someone and have them appreciate that as well not reject my touch because they are too tired or they aren’t in the mood.

An affair sounds sooo appealing. Dangerous yes but … how do I tell my husband of 19 years -

Honey - I want to have an affair with you. Meet me for lunch for a quickie. Ripe my cloths off and let me crawl all over you and do things I’ve only dreamed of doing. Let’s sit in the car and neck for a little while.

Somehow I think the man would laugh in my face.

Answer #6

Totally Understand…I am there!!

Answer #7

Totally Understand…I am there!!

Answer #8

Totally Understand…I am there!!

Answer #9

hello, I have been married for almost 20years i married my usband when i was 16,we have a good marriage,however I have been having an affair,and i didnt relize it untill now but its been almost 2 years,he makes me smile and very happy in bed..I wonder why Iam doing this i guess

Answer #10


One thing i thought about, to do along with anything else you may want to do or think about is speak with your husband about your feelings. When you both have time and the desire to speak?

It’s difficult for my husband and I, close to impossible, but I think that that would be a great thing to do. To learn more about yourselves and what you want.

do you respect each other? Just a question which is important.

your list is good. and you are right.

sometimes you even get answers from the questions you ask yourself.

Hope all else is going well for you.

Answer #11

Sure it makes sense. It makes lots of sense. If you want this soo bad. Just leave him.

Answer #12

Has any thing worked yet? Just started and love/hate stills is a fun game.

Answer #13

if he is having an affair, I want to have one too…

Answer #14

“I’m just not sexually attracted to my husband” - maybe because its the way you want to see it… try to work things out with him..what if he’s doing this to u? would you be happy about is 2 short so make the most out of it..

Answer #15

why dont you leave him before you have an affair an affair hurt everyone ,what happens if you catch a disease or something in that nature or even worse you could do all the right things and still get something

Answer #16

I say,talk to him about it.if me and my husband were married that long I wouldnt want to ruin it.its been too long.thats like me going up to my b/f and saying hey we’ve been together 4 a lnog time but I want you to freak me and if you dont its over.its dead wrong.dont rape him but talk 2 him.

Answer #17

Thanks for the advice but that ashley isn't me.I'm not looking to meet strangers for an affair.I was attracted to this guy at work for several reasons but nothing came about us which is good.I still work with him.

Answer #18

I don’t know what its like to be in this situation at all, but I heard this thing on tv about this guy wanting to cheat and this lady was like “just look at the other males all day and go home and give it to your husband’” but… I guess males change by the sounds of the posts here.

Answer #19

ok here it goes you either stay with him for all the rong reasons,which is so wrong for so many reasons, if you do have an affair then you are making it worse for urselff and doing that to your husband is completely selfish and totally not fair for sake give him respect. Though if it’s over for the both of you there is no love for him leave him do it the right way, ow and remember you’r kids you cant stay in a lovless relationship for them because they will get older and they are not stupid they will relize your lies. Or the other option is spice up you’r sex life roll play pretend you’r strangers. Take care okxx

Answer #20

Go root like rabbits in the back seat of his car just try not to think of yoor husbands face aye might put yooh off

Answer #21

no wonder I never got married.. Womanlike you Qball

Answer #22

I never thought I’d even get into this situation, but I have been involved with a man for 2 1/2 years now. We’re both married, and we both have children. This man worked with my husband. Our families have even done things together–including going to church together.

I guess me/him were both looking for a little excitement. We met each other one time at a store while I was w/my husband, but then had secret contact through texts/emails, then eventually on the phone. Two months later, I met this man in a hotel room. I was at ease the second he kissed me. I still remember that day like it was yesterday…

This was supposed to be a “dare”, but it never ended. We’ve probably been together at least 40-50 times. He did move 1000 miles away from me over the summer, but when he came back to town last month–we hooked up a couple times.

I am SO in love with this man now—I have been for all this time. He feels the same way about me. Due to religious reasons & his child, he is struggling–as am I. I KNOW this is wrong, but it feels SO right. He won’t walk out on his son–he wants to be with him all the time, and couldn’t be if he was divorced.

Our spouses are both very good people–neither deserve this, and believe me–it’s HARD to deal with this. Most likely–your marriage will just get worse if you do this because you will be filled with way too many emotions–it’s so overwhelming. AND then–if you fall for the “lover”…you will find yourself only wanting intimacy w/that person and NOT your spouse. This is true for both me and the man I am seeing. We are both hurting and suffering inside.

I can’t tell you what to do. As wrong as this is–me/him both talked today about how it’s so hard to deal with because we DON’T even regret doing it. We have to live our lives in a daze to get through this. If you develop feelings for your lover, you will forever compare them to your spouse–and you probably won’t even want to be with your spouse anymore.

I know some of you think me/him should both leave and be together. Easier said than done. He’s gone–not living anywhere near me anymore. It feels RIGHT being together–not just w/sex, but with everything. We really connect in every way. This man sweeps me off my feet, and I just love him. Had he asked me a year or 2 ago to leave for him–I probably would have. Now–I’m not so sure. Even though I love him, I have kids and a husband. He has a child and a wife. We both grew up with a very religious background. We’ve both been with our partners for over 20 years. We both married people who were are best friends—not people we were passionate with or crazy about. As much as I care for him, I can’t keep being so selfish–I could destroy a lot of lives. Sometimes I guess I just wish I could always have totally love, peace and happiness in my life—he makes me feel that way. I am IN love with him in a way that I have never loved anyone else.

Be careful if you decide to do this. Yes–it IS fun and exciting. We have so much passion–it’s so HOT. At the same time, we’ve fallen in love, and it’s so beautiful–something it shouldn’t be…not if we’re both married to other people. And as sneaky as you think you might be–all it takes is for one person to see you, and then your perfect little plan could turn into a huge mess. Me/him think we’ve been so sly, but he’s told a few people–what if one of them tell? What if his wife finds all the letters I wrote him? What if my husband somehow gets into my email? Something could happen. It’s one thing to make a decision to leave, but WHAT if you somehow got caught? Your life could change in an instant. MY life could change in an instant, and really—as much as I say I love the other guy…I don’t know if I could handle it if everything happened so suddenly.

Good luck to anyone in this situation. Let me tell you from MY experience with this, it’s been a VERY tough road. It hurts being so in love with someone yet not being able to have that person. It hurts living with someone you are betraying. I have cried so many tears over the past 2 1/2 years. Some of you will think I deserve to cry…and maybe you’re right. This ended up getting so much more emotional than me/him ever thought it would.

Answer #23

Dont do it! If he finds out, you will lose your marriage and your kids. If you’re unhappy then it is better to get a divorse then to be sneaky. You would be lieing to your kids and yourself if you go sleeping around. Is a little excitment worth losing everything? Dont try to please other people…do the right thing…theres a reason why you’re feeling guilty. Dont be dishonest to your family…they are really all you have!

Answer #24

Start doing ATM(a$s to mouth), that should spark some excitement.

Answer #25

PLEASE READ! I believe my previous post accidently cut short. Like I was saying, I cheated on my husband and I can tell you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Where is our restraint? and when did we begin believing that it was up to our spouse to make our life exciting? This is a partnership that is fueled by love, admiration and respect for each other. Do you remember when you and your husband were first dating? Remember the lust, attraction, excitement. It would be only natural that those superficial emotions would eventually fade away and be replaced with something stronger and more enriching. In every marriage, the lust subsides. Why would you disrespect your husband, disrespect your children and yourself for the sake of recapturing something that you and your husband once had? I contemplated this for months and did research and read forums warning me of how STUPID it is to have an affair. The result? I did it anyway. I can begin to tell you how painful it is for me to look in my adoring husband’s eyes and tell him he’s the only man that captures my heart, my mind and my body. I told him about the affair shortly after it occured. Ladies, did we expect marriage to be an unwithering circle of hot steamy sex and roses? What the hell? I don’t know how I fell for such a lie. Marriage is powerful. You dedicate yourselves to each other to help each one become a better version of themselves. You create a new generation and partner up together in raising helpful, decent citizens and human beings. What power that is! The problem is that we have this fake, superficial idea of what is supposed to make us feel ALIVE. HOT sex in the car, feeling DESIRED by some man other than YOUR man. Thanks to television and in my opinion (Satan), we are fed lies in order to bring us to the edge and destroy what is the very foundation of this country: strong marriages and strong families. And we are led believe that we’re not hurting anyone…it’s something we NEED to do for ourselves. If you respect your husband, your marriage, your kids and yourself, you will GET UP and get the HELP you need. I wish I would’ve done that instead of being afraid to ask for help. I fell into the monsters pit and there’s not ONE day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I don’t have the perfect husband, and I am not the perfect wife. But we TALK a lot now and we’ve identified each others needs. Mine are the need for affection and sexual fullfillment, conversation, recreational companionship. His are the need to feel admired and respected by me. Every person has needs that their spouse is ABLE to fullfill for them. It begins with communicating those needs DIRECTLY and making a COMMITMENT to fullfill them for your spouse. That’s how you know you love them. If you are willing and working towards meeting your spouses needs, even when it requires some sacrifice on your part. The lust and the need to feel DESIRED? Give me a break. The affair will bring you that for a short while. INFATUATION IS SHORT! Don’t you know this already? Remember the dating days with hubby? It is bound to wear off and will either be replaced with true love and commitment or a tiring of the person. Before you know it, you will be running off to find the next affair and hurting everyone you love. Rekindling the fire with your spouse is possible, but it takes commitment. There’s nothing sexier than having sex with the person you will grow old with. Every time is a renewal of your vows and a renewal of your commitment to build a strong family. Get creative and get professional help. If you’re still not willing, then it’s not possible that you love your husband…it just isn’t. In that case, a separation is best for you, for him, and yes, for your children. ANYONE READING THIS, please don’t make the mistake I did, and if you’re in an affair already, CONFESS to your husband, and both of you GO get good counseling. Marriage today is under attack. Either you can stand strong and save yours or you can listen to foolishness and regret. I wish I made the right choice. I guess I feel like maybe if I write this, I can help some women make the right choice and it will help me heal. Please, if you can do anything after this, separate lies from truth in your mind. Look at your wedding pictures and remember the days of infatuation with your love. Fortunately, those days have become a beautiful marriage with limitless potential and not just ‘another fling.’ Here is a website that has been extremely helpful in dealing with affairs and their affects as well as helping you understand your marriage and your spouse so that you can AVOID an affair. They deal with EVERYTHING regarding affairs, including emotional needs (which seems to be why most women are having affairs), sexual desire with your spouse, ending affairs, etc. READ all you can! There are tons of articles about this, and I believe it’s the first step, then you should go get a counseler/coach to hold you accountable and help you both save your marriage. Best Wishes to all of you.

Answer #26

It’s that damned dopamine release that’s got my brain obsessed with an affair! I know I shouldn’t, but I want to - I crave that first kiss high.

I almost had an affair. The delivery guy that comes by my office occasionally is quite nice to look at. I wasn’t trying to flirt, just saying, “hey, how’s it going” when one day he said, “are you going to invite me in?” I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. The next time he came by, I did invite him in. My heart raced! I stammered, nervous, flustered… But, when he kissed me, I didn’t pull away.

He came by a couple weeks later. I can’t believe how hard my heart was beating (and that wasn’t the only thing hard in my office) but, after kissing for a couple of minutes, I ran out of time, I had to leave.

I asked how he does it (he’s married, too) and he said, “just don’t think about it.” Well, I thought about it so much I decided I could “not think about it”. It’s not because I don’t love my husband, I do. It’s not for a lack of sex at home; it’s the quality of that sex. My husband, try as he does, just doesn’t get it. There is more to my body than the northern hills and the mid-town tunnel. And stop jabbing your tongue in my mouth! I want someone to make love to my whole body, make out, explore; what so many of you have mentioned.

So, here’s the part that leaves my head in a spin. I finally decided to “do it” and the delivery guy won’t come by any more. It seems he’s had a change of heart but he won’t tell me why or what happened.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I see his truck drive by or he sends a substitute to do his work and I spend the next hour wondering what I did or didn’t do or what he’s thinking. I’m sure it’s for the best because at least I’m not cheating on my husband.

The dopamine still kicks in if I see him on the streets, and it’s helped me keep about 5 lbs off, but those two kisses are fading from memory.

I don’t feel guilty for what I did, some of you may say that’s wrong. I think it’s part biology; we’re wired to want sex with attractive men.

I feel a little guilty for what I want to do; that’s the cultural stereotype setting in - be faithful.

I have no answers but I appreciate being able to read everyone’s comments and releasing my own thoughts.

Answer #27

Rekindle your fires within yourself. I don’t think the problem is your husband at all, I think you may have married because it was “the right thing to do” instead of marrying because you were madly in love and couldn’t picture your life without him. Marriage is merely a lifelong partnership. Its long suffering, not selk seeking, and you become one when you marry someone. Having sexual intercourse with someone other than your husband is merely a temporary appeasement. It doesn’t last. So many things can happen…stds, aids, unplanned other children…think before acting. Do some searching within yourself. Self reflection. We as humans are never satisfied. If our hair is curly, we want it straight…if its straight we want it curly. We are either too big, too small, or just not right. Now here you are with a man women would kill for and you’re trying to cheat on him! (Not judging you though) but some women would die for their man not to cheat on them! Your boredom can get you in a hell of a lot of trouble and possibly ruin your family. Maybe you guys should seek counseling together. Men do it to us all the time but ultimately the kids are going to pay the price in the end. Now that you have married him, you have to stay and stick it out for thelong run. Buy some sex toys, take stripping classes and do things to build your self esteem. Does your husband tell you how beautiful and sexy you are? Give him a lap dance. Get a hotel and plan a date and act like its your first date with your husband. Imagine if your husband was having an affair on you and saying that you bore him or he is not in love with you anymore. Before you go elsewhere, you have to try sweetheart. A marriage I so serious!

Answer #28

roundaboutalley -

Thank you.

There is a man that is interested in me. A friend of mine through some volunteer work - doesn’t even know my husband so that is good.

We email one another daily and have shared a passionate kiss. It was absolutely wonderful and yet the scareiest moment of my life.

He knows how committed I am to my family and has even said that he doesn’t think I could live with the guilt. He is married also. His wife just doesn’t enjoy sex - period. He knew it and married her and they cuddle and kiss but that’s it according to him. They have no children and she has no idea is so frustrated that he is looking for someone to have an affair with.

So - going into it - I know up front that it’s not a serious situation. That’s good and bad right?

I don’t need serious - I need to have some stimulation that isn’t my own.

But I do have children and I do have responsibilities and I do love my husband.

Flowers just arrived - 2 days late but a dozen roses were just delivered to my house - do I forgive him and put off the affair?

See this is the thing - after a month with no attention and feeling like I was rejected yet again - the man ends up coming back to bed one morning and we have amazing sex. The evening before I had decided to tell my friend that I would meet him at a hotel during the week. Well - I backed out.

Now - this - last night I decided - go for it. What do I really have to loose? Would my husband be hurt - yes if he ever found out but would he leave me? No.
Could I live with myself - I wasn’t sure - however I was so hurt I was willing to risk it.

Now the flowers are here - what a mess.

I still don’t know weither to move forward or not - now - I don’t feel I can - I have to try once more to get through to my husband that all of this matters - but I need sexual attention as well as the flowers.

BTW the card has apologies and happy birthday but doesn’t say I love you.

Should I read something into that? He has called and said he loves me - again - I just don’t know any more.

Answer #29

I can identify with all of the ladies who have reponded to this question.

I am going through a hard time as well. My hubby is my best friend and I can’t imagine being married to anybody else. But eventhough I love him dearly I do not think I’m in love with him anymore. I have been feeling this way for over a year.

The past few months have been even worse. Lately he has become downright inconsiderate. He rarely initiates sex. So I have been making an effort to initiate instead eventhough I am not particularly attracted to him anymore. When we do have sex, he’s done in five minutes and makes no attempt to delay his orgasm. He then rushes off to the bathroom and dissapears, leaving me high and dry, frustrated and sometimes crying alone in the bed. When he cooks meals when I am working nights, he no longer makes enough for me or leaves me a plate. He didn’t even get me a card for mother’s day. We barely talk anymore and the only time we spend time together as a couple or a family I have to suggest it.

About 6 months ago, I started talking over the phone and via text and email with a very sexy manager from another branch of the same company I work for. We have gone out once, but we’ve only hugged. When one of us has to stop at each other’s branch, he will hug me or the one day he even told me how amazing my breasts looked in the top I was wearing. The one day I texted him after I stopped at his store to tell him how hot he looked that day and he repsonded that I looked really hot, too. All of the signs point to his interest, but he seems hesitant to seal the deal. Another male friend I talked to says since he is a single man, he may be hesitant at becoming the ‘back door man’.

It’s hard because I am feeling rejected at home and now by my potential affair. I feel like I am a yo-yo with my ‘affair’. For a week he’s in constant contact, hot and heavy, then radio silence for two weeks. Just when I begin to forget about him and move on, poof - he is calling and stopping at my store again.

The worst part about all this is, is that you would think it would be fairly easy for an attractive 29-year-old-woman to find a fling. Not so much.

I am just so frustrated and my usual good self-esteem seems to have dissapeared. I am miserable and lonely and feel sometimes like I am in high school again. I just want someone to spend time with me, someone to enjoy who I find sexy and who finds me sexy, too. I just want to feel alive again.

Answer #30


Happy Birthday to you. I am so sorry about the day. I know it wasn’t the present, it was the fine details, wonderful gestures of love and understanding which is capable of moving a mountain! So what’s wrong with listening to the woman inside you? I totally read what some people wrote about not having an affair and completely understand, but things are not so easy. sometimes it takes a while to separate from someone. sometimes you need 100 proofs before you finally get it. Our society is not conditioned to live alone and that is scarry. I’ve been through a divorce already, no kids, but it was very difficult for both of us. We are close now but who can tell if that will ever happen.

I say, don’t be afraid, try going out for dinner, see how that feels. Even to have a man recognize you across the table will be an improvement. The feeling of you wanted to get dressed up is a turn on…

I don’t want to say that a man’s opinion of you gives you worth, because to feel worthy is composed of so many parts, but it will feel nice, and you will know that you CAN feel something different for someone else.

In the mean time, also do things to pamper yourself. What ever that may be. Have someone give you a message, or get your nails done or what ever it is that you would consider pampering yourself and in the mean time…see how else you feel.

Answer #31

It makes total sense that you find another guy cute and attractive. It makes absolutely no sense to have another affair.

You say you are not in love with you husband? Well, the 'in-love, attraction' stage is a phase that helps you commit to each other until you find deeper love. One who continually hunts for the 'in-love' feeling will have many affairs and honeymoons, but no relationships.

You husband is not your entertainment director–there to make your life exciting. That is all within you and therein the answer lies.

An affair is just and band-aid on a deeper problem. And if you continue to act on 'he's cute and I'm bored' impulses you take a chance of losing your husbands and children's respect, not to mention your own.

And an affair with an office worker is a BIG no-no. Should you part badly, you still have to work together.

Should you follow your heart–you ask? It's not your heart that's calling—it's lust and an emptiness inside you. You, the inside you, is what needs working on. Find a competent counselor and dig for ways to fulfill yourself. You'll be surprised how feeling differently about yourself can also make the world look different.

You are looking for a quick fix, and ignoring damage you can do to others [and when we damage others we hurt ourselves–and you are setting yourself up for some hard life lessons]. And it will be your kids who end up picking up the tab for your lust for fun.

Not what you wanted to hear, but the truth.

Blessings and good luck

Answer #32

Perhaps wait for your instincts to tell you something else? What is your feeling when you close your eyes? It’s great you had amazing sex with your husband.

Flowers are great, but there has to be more than that, no? I’ve been having an affair since April. We’ve been through lots of up and down. Emotional about our time together and apart. Sometimes I delete his number from my phone, don’t here from him for a week or two and then he calls again. He says I am non-judgemental about him and life. But there are things I would love in a relationship whip I don’t get from him and I am learning about that. But sex is great, our talks are awesome, and I feel great when I am with him. Hate the sneaking around and when I spend too much time with him, I start to feel the guilt. That part I do not like.

But it is all a learning experience, and we are very comfortable with each other. In a way, we create a fantasy for each other. We are both married, both have kids, the same age and sometimes we speak about our families. He makes me laugh which I love and at this point, I am leaning alot about myself. Sometimes it allows me to tolerate aspects of my other life.

Our partners don’t know. I would be mortified if they ever found out. If I were dating him like any normal relationship, the gult would not be there. That is disturbing.

Feel your heart and see what your image tells you. Do you think you need to decide now? Is it about making a choice? Because you love one, does that mean you can’t have an interest for another?

you don’t need to go all the way. Just have a nice meal or something aand that may guide you in a better direction.

Answer #33

I have one simple question that I am confussed with..Been married for 20 years, my wife is very attractive and gets a lot of compliments, is slim etc etc. I am 51, and would have sex every day if I could…but she is very busy. I work in a college and exposed to a lot of females. For years I have just flirted with the odd student, but more worryingly and recently have had brief encounter with a married student who said her marriage was not good, and now have fallen for a younger student who reminds me of my wife when we first meet. A bit mad and fun to be with..and with a few issues (as we all have). And I cannot keep her out of my mind…I wake up thinking about her..I want her to text me…I have arranged to go out and have a meal with a few other students for a cover up..At christmas ended up at a party holding her hand…I asked her out…she said stop it you are married…but we have been out for lunch since sex yet. SO the question is why am I doing this…it is consuming me and how do I stop myself (even if she is not interested) I have this urge to have an affair WHY…???

Answer #34

roundaboutalley -

I know others continue to say that an affair will always be found out but … somehow when your marriage isn’t a priority for both - I can’t see how unless you are thoughtless and unkind. You’re right though - it would be the worst for the family and kids to be hurt and that is where the guilt lies.

I’m feeling calmer - and I’m not going to make any rash decisions about rushing into someone elses arms for comfort.

That’s not even remotely the ‘reason’ I’m interested in an affair. And as trashy as it may sound - it’s just a product of being horny! lol - I say that but it’s about wanting to feel desired and alive. I have gotten to a point where I just want to feel … something!

My mind keeps telling me all the things ‘I know’ -

  1. you can’t rely on someone else to make you happy
  2. you can’t make someone else happy if they are not
  3. there is more to this then a physical - itch for lack of a better word.

And I will slow down and take more time to look at this - but thanks for the encouragement to follow my heart.

LOL - just which it could decide which way to go before I get dizzy going in circles!

Answer #35

Forgot to tell you… what was the answer to my own personal drama and how did the wife and I finally work it all out?


Yes we tried “swinging” once, we went to mardigras and she shared what her bra holds with all that tossed beads to her, we both fantasize about celebrities or other people that we know we will most likely never have and we both realize that regardless of what either of our desires are, that s3x only lasts as long as it lasts and that love lasts a lifetime.

My wife’s favorite shirt (to wear around the house) says, “Relax, it’s just s3x!”

We still have issues, sometimes I talk about a hot woman I noticed at the Outback Steak House a little too much and sometimes she comes to me and reminds me that she needs a little reassurance that it is her that I want and only her that I love. Anyone else that she or I want is always open for discussion between us and if the feeling is right (the opportunity surprisingly hasn’t happened in the last several years) then we would let the other go off and have a night of passion and excitement without the other being present. However, for the most part we (and especially SHE) is not really interested in doing anything without me… She is interested in doing things with me and others from time to time and honestly…

I could not be happier!!!

Communication is the key to Love, Life and True Happiness!!!

Good Luck!

Answer #36

Well, I’m seemingly in the same situation. My husband is almost a decade older than me and my co-worker is my age. He too is expecting a baby. We both talked about what could happen if we continue our sexual encounters, but what the hell. I choose to have fun because I know I don’t want to leave my husband. The only way things won’t work out is if you start to fall in love with this other man. If you can avoid that,you’ll be fine. Have fun just kickin’it girl. Just think of it like this, you don’t have to do all the things you would normally do in a relationship because it’s jst sex. It’s not like you out freaking everybody. You just have one guy out there. I thought I would feel extremely guilty, I even cried the first time we did it, but now it’s like going to the spa. It’s part of both our daily routine. I call him, we meet, badaboom, badabing, we do it, and then home ,work or school. My husband doesn’t suspect a thing. My husband and I really don’t have a sexual relationship. I don’t understand why, but thats cool, I’ll get physical somewhere else. That doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband, because I really do love him, but physical attraction just isn’t there anymore. Anyway, remeber to keep it simple if you want to have an affair. Whatever you do DON’T FALL IN LOVE. You already have somebody at home, Unless you feel like going through the whole dating stages AGAIN!!!!

Answer #37

great to know i’m not the only woman with these feelings. I ran into a guy last summer that I was so in love with back in my early 20’s. We talked for a while and that was it. Then in January he called me and we’ve been talking and meeting once a week since. Nothing happened until a few weeks ago we kissed and groped like teenagers! Since then we’ve met more often. Problem, he’s married and so am I and we both have kids. He know’s now how I felt about him all those years ago. Neither of us want to end our marriages, but neither of us is in love with our spouses. We are holding on because of our kids and we don’t want to break up our families. We both want to advance this to sex, but we are both scared of the consequences and if we will be able to stop at some point. (like before we fall head over heals in love with each other) He makes me feel so good and sexy. Something I’ve been missing for so long. My husband is a great lover, but I don’t love him. Truth be told I don’t know that I ever really did. What a tangled web we weave for ourselves.

Answer #38

hi, I am a daughter of a father who had an affair and it destroyed my family. you say you want excitement and whatever- not sexually attracted to your husband…thats crap, think of your two kids…I know things may be bad but be creative because me and my sister are stuck in a horrible family life and it was all because of my father’s affair…it also messed us up really badly with relationships I can’t get close to anyone and she gets to close to quickly because she never had the father-daughter relationship everyone should have and I’m afraid I’m going to get abandoned again, but enough about us…THINK OF YOUR KIDS! that’s all I am saying.

Answer #39

I think that you need to believe your feeling, I think your desires don’t lie. What I do feel is that most men do. They love sex and how it feels and many stop at that. As for a commitment, leave that to the women, but they get their hearts broken DURING the relationship, men get their hearts broken AFTER the women feel they can’t take it any more. That is where it all stands. Don’t lose who you are!!! You can;t depend on guys to make you feel better, at least with most of them. take care!

Answer #40

Are you still looking for a great way to reconnect, find some definite excitement, and figure out what you want? Tune in, turn on, and drop out. You can reanalyze what you thought you knew and decide for yourself what you really want. Chances are though that this isn’t a problem anymore considering it was posted 4 years ago.

Answer #41

After work tell the man to stay walk straight up to him or into his office and graphis balls all tight and tellhim you feel horny and trust me when youre going throgh your first orgasim youll no you did the right thing. After you do that he wil beyours

Answer #42

Dont be a fool. If your husband id there for you, supporst you, etc., then he loves you. He may just not be good at showing it anymore because that happens after you get married. You fall withing the same routines of life and the love life fades. Rather than put energies into a cute guy, put energies into your husband. Plan a trip or vacation, do things together you use to like to do. Dont expect change to happen overnight. It took time to fade so it will take time to gain it back. It will require work and especially on your part since apparently you realize this is yhe problem and your husband may not realize it because he feels he is doing right by you. Maybe its in the back of his mind to want to do things for you too, but it takes a lot to motivate guys sometimes. Women like to get up and do things and guys have a harder time getting motivated. Its a stage of marriage so you are not the only one going through this. Sometimes certain people react more sensitively to this stage of the marriage. If you have an affair you risk losing everything, even the chance to save your love. The words Until Death do Us Part and For better and for worse are the vows you accepted when you got married. That means there are going to be times of good and bad I a marriage so do just get up and run away because of it. You will be a stronger person for working it out. It takes time. If anyone tells you to end the marriage then dont listen to them. In todays modern society its easier to give up, run, and end a marriage as soon as something goes wrong because nobody wants to take the time to work anything out.

Answer #43

Okay, talk to your husband and tell him that you love ohim but are feeling the sexual attraction diminish. Tell him that if he can tell you something he wants you to change for him, you tell him something you want him to change. Perhaps lose some weight, or learn some new moves in the bedroom.
Work with what you have. Because sooner or later someone will find out. Your kids look up to you now, but would they if they realized you were sleeping around? Because that’s what you’re doing.

Answer #44


Answer #45

maybe talk to him, and its not that you want someone else but you want it to e like old times, see you married him because you love him, right? and there was also passion there as in you would go out and there would be an air of surprize, but im assuming uve got into a pattern of…well nothing, get him to take you out, book a baby sitter for the night and see if after that is rekindled whether you feel the same, if so, maybe tell him and see ehat you can sort out

Answer #46

I know this sounds selfish but go with your gut feeling… If the chemistry is there, and all the elements for romance, you should by all means try it.

You never know. If you both like the experience, you may be changing your life’s direction. You will never know until you try it.

What matters is your happiness and fulfillment as a woman. If you both lost the spark, maybe it is time to try someone new. Just make sure you and the new guy are on the same page as far as expectations go.

Do weight the consequences of your actions. Nothing in life is easy. If you fall in love with this new guy be prepared to face that reality and be able to explain it to the family when the time is right.

Answer #47

I have read some of the answers here. I sympathize with you, men forget we are women once we get married. My husband sees his wife, the mother of his children etc. He forgets that part of the reason I married him was the passion we had when we were dating, the attention he paid to me. I say go for it, have an affair , have as many as you need. We live only once and men need to start understanding that the women they married still love to be with them but they stop reciprocating. It is why I have come to realize marriage is a bad idea for women, when we are young men are attentive, they marry us and then try to make us their mothers. You are not his mother and you deserve to live the life you need to have.

Answer #48

I have read some of the answers here. I sympathize with you, men forget we are women once we get married. My husband sees his wife, the mother of his children etc. He forgets that part of the reason I married him was the passion we had when we were dating, the attention he paid to me. I say go for it, have an affair , have as many as you need. We live only once and men need to start understanding that the women they married still love to be with them but they stop reciprocating. It is why I have come to realize marriage is a bad idea for women, when we are young men are attentive, they marry us and then try to make us their mothers. You are not his mother and you deserve to live the life you need to have.

Answer #49

you are a back stabing trader if you want to get with another guy then do it but get a devors first.I mean how do you leave with your self? thats mest up to have a affair becase he porpobly still loves you and want you to be happy?the only advise I can give you is go get theripy so you two can work it out togerther and if I leads to a divors then you will not fell gilty being with another see you and good luck.

Answer #50

I have two bits of advice to give to the women writing into this site. The first is based on my situation as a married man. LEAVE YOUR HUSBADS! The thought of my wife having an affair is terrifying, but the thought that my wife is unsatisfied with me as a husband and is fantasizing about another man/men is many times worse. And don’t you think he can sense it. Don’t you think he’s going to bed every night wondering what he did wrong or what more he can do. If he doesn’t, then you should feel no remorse for leaving him. If he does, I can tell you that while leaving him would cause tremendous acute pain, it would also release hiim to find someone else as well. The second bit of advice is based on my humanity. We go through this life only once and for a very short while. I know that we are educated to put family above all things, but following and finding passion is something that should never be suppressed. Don’t let better-than-thou moralists tell you otherwise. I would rather regret the things I did than the things I was afraid to do.

Answer #51

You selfish women not one of you mentionned a word about the guy, that sweet guy who is all that your husband never was, and yet you will not have any regards for him, use him and dump him. Well that guy is the best you will ever have, much better then your controlling ugly husband who makes you think that you cant get any better. You women are hopeless and heartless. Do everyone a favor, you decided to marry a great man because you can find better and yatta yatta, then stay in marriage and keep living your fake dream and dont go destroying other guys. I hate this.

Answer #52

So this story repeats it self. Cheating, staying together for the kids, fear of really being alone especially when you aren’t 20 any more.
In an affair for the past 5 mons. What I get out of it is feeling sexy again. Holding someone with passion even if it’s only for a short time. Knowing that I can love and that someone can be wild about me. Something I don’t get from my husband. I adore my two small children. Don’t want to run away to to with another man. It will just end up where I am with my huusband. If this true passion does not last for ever, at least I know I can get it, feel it, smell it for a few moments. Better than nothing at all. Sounds sad but it’s all I have right now.

Answer #53

Are you serious. Its called holy matrimony because thats exactly what it is a holy santion. You sposed to be together death till we part. You already going to burn in hell, for haveing one affair. And if I was the devil I would make it so painful theres not even words for it. I hate people like you who cheat, if you dont love your husband tell him, get a divorce then you can be as much of a slut as you want. think about how you would feel if your husband did the same thing to you, if you were in his shoes and found out. I bet you wouldnt be to happy would you. or if your children found out what there loveing mom was doing behind daddys back. you should be ashamed of yourself. I know that the first date feeling is incredible the nervousness excitement, the addreniline rush, but it will always fade no matter who you end up with in the end. you cant bang everyone forever, theres a point where your wrinked and no man wants a old, wrinkly skank. so I would suggest you think god everyday you wake that you have a loving husband and a good family. and hope he doesn’t strike you done.

Answer #54

YES YOu LIVE IN A DREAM WORLD IT IS NOT YOuR Husband that is wonderful it is you and hes just and idiot sitting at home all day long and scratching his balls.

Answer #55

Love is such a weird word. I think its just a chemical high from your brain that makes you attracted to sumbody. Pple fall out of love so quick and its stupid. But you did marry this guy and he is takin care of his kids so that a gud thing. Don’t let that go. If you want to have an affair, then go ahead. Its your life

Answer #56

wow marriage doesn’t mean anything to anyone anymore. affairs are a sad thing. why do people even get married. I think people should read there bibles and get close to God. There’s more to life than just good sex. Whatever happened to love…

Answer #57

He is soo sweet and innocent and you are not, you are about to destroy him, and they you will blame him and feel bad for your husband, when hes not necessarily the one whos been hurt the most… and hes probably not doing much to revive your sex life. Keep that in mind, ok?

Answer #58

And all guys are assholes?

Answer #59

russellplatypus had the correct answers. I am a male, honestly here researching to find all sides to the same story I have already lived, too many times.

I have a great friend, his wife became a good friend of my wife, now she is cheating on him and plans to leave him, they have a 3 year old son.

I am not actually married but I still refer to her as my wife, why? We were once married, she cheated on me, unfortunately she cheated on me several times. Eventually I divorced her and left. However, I am old fashioned in the since that I believe you only truly love one person and that you should only be married once in your life. We eventually ended up back together and have been for many more years. I may be insane when judged by others for going through as much as I have with my “wife”.

I can confirm that her cheating on me was not the worse part of it. It was the dishonesty, the questions in my mind of what I did or didn’t do that caused her to run off with another man. The feeling of worthlessness. I tried to convince her that we needed to stay together for the kids, that we needed to go to a counselor or therapist. I suggested that if she just wants to have s3x, then make sure that I know about it, I suggested we take our relationship into the taboo world of swingers or even a one sided open relationship. I suggested everything and offered her the world and even offered to keep my relations only with her while accepting her “sickness” as part of what life had dealt me.

We were married for 7 years, we were divorced for 6 and we have been back together now for 5 years.

I can tell all the women who are reading this looking for advice that your best place to find advice is not on the internet, it is in your husband’s ear. Regardless of what is going on in your life. No matter how hopeless you think it is, no matter how offended you think he will be. I can promise you with ever fiber of my existence that the odds are in your favor that your husband will react better and more than likely even have a solution for you and/or the both of you if you tell him the hardcore truth.

Yes, it may start an arguement, things may fly and emotions may erupt but after the dust settles and you both look in each other’s eyes and discuss your situation (be sure to let him know you are asking what to do) then you will find a solution.

Do not be close minded about it.

There are many options to happiness.

In some instances just the very fact that you admitted your desires and you had an arguement will create just the right juice to get you both back in the sack and creating amazing “make up” magic.

You may find yourself in the swinging lifestyle. You may find yourself at a nude beach once or twice a year (not cheating) just finding some excitement with your husband.

There may be fantasies that you can provide your husband (everyone knows what men want and trust me ladies it isn’t that bad if you try it - just ask my “wife”) and god knows that men, believe it or not, will go to the ends of the world to please their woman sexually, if only the women try to do the same for the men. Sorry ladies, our biggest fault is we are creatures of habit and laziness. You will have to break the routine to get life back in the relationship.

The only negative thing that could truly come from you confessing your desires to your husband is if he is truly unworthy of you and does not want to help you through your desires… in which case, dump him and move on.

Passionate happy parents are much better parents than bitter unsatisfied yelling and screaming not to forget cheating parents!

Good Luck!

Answer #60

Ok, I haven’t been married, but I know the feeling of being with someone and wanting/having an affair. Honestly, I felt guilty for some time after but being with one person was just boring. I’d go for it personally, but you have to make sure your husband NEVER finds out and your kids NEVER find out. make it a purely social, I need a lil excitement but I still love my husband and family thing.

Answer #61

Youngwise -

You make sense and I wish you peace now that you are trying to rebuild your marriage. Time after time people that have affairs have admited it was a mistake. There will always be an allure though and I believe each couples story is different.

I agree with you and always have felt that we are responsible for our own happiness however, when you are part of a couple there are things that are tied to another person and their responses to you.

And as good an idea as couseling might be - I believe both parties have to be open to working with someone and well … frankly that isn’t the common thing that I have heard happening.

In my case it’s not even an option to be discussed.

Congratulations on haveing such great communications in your marriage - it’s not the same for all of us and it’s easier said than done.

In my life - I’ve hit a wall - 1) My husband is happy with life the way it is and isn’t interested in discussing any changes he sees no need 2) My family is happy and funtional and I don’t want to disrupt that.

Have I heard the message - ‘Acceptance is key’? - yes - again easier said than done.

So the delima remains - is an affair wrong? - I think everyone agrees - it’s not the answer to any problem and yes it’s ‘wrong’ - socially and religiously.

The bottom line - noone can make the call for you. You will either give in to temptation or not. You may feel guilty OR you may not. You may find that it wasn’t worth it or it maybe what gives you the courage to go on. You might then delve deeper and find the ‘real’ questions and answers in your marriage. Or you just might take whatever you can get out of life and keep moving.


Answer #62

Wow this is really old, but, that’s pretty selfish if you ask me.

Answer #63

NO! dont do it I beg you. think how your husband would feel. how could you do something to someone that has done nothing wrong. even if he cheated on you you still shouldnt do it to him. may be its just bc of the same thing over and over. you really need to talk to him about this. if you dont love him then you shouldnt be in this marriage. if your worried bout finances then get a job if you already have one get another. if you do it think about all the people you hurt. your cheating on your husband that has loved you and think of your kids. when their grown what are you going to tell them if they ask why you and daddy got a divorce? if you do that you will be looked down upon for a very long time. please…dont do it.

Answer #64

first of all, I understand where you are coming from for not divorcing afraid of hurting other people, but hun, you are already hurting everyone. imagine one day yoru kids find out and your husband, family..ect.. you would be ashamed. listen. I am an expert on these things and reality is, you can never say you are NOT sexually attracted to someone. See, you have to spice things up in many ways. and in fact, there is something behind it all, its not jsut the sex. Your husband must have done something to you that has killed that feeling of desire and passion. contact me at my email I can tell you what to do really if you are still interested in saving your marriage. other wise, dont stay in a relationship you dont care about and forget what everyone else says. YOU will be the one alone at the end. dont let that happen. and if that guy is just a lust. that proves that you somehow care about your husband. so take a break from the relationship and you both can date other people. anyways, long response I gave, but I hope you can take one of the advices. :) take care,

Answer #65

Jesus, seems like the best solution is to not get married in the first place. What’s the point? I have been engaged twice but can never actually go through with it for the exact senarios mentioned above. I don’t want to get bored because I will most likely have an affair and I would rather avoinf the whole damn thing. What a fantastic mess we create for ourselves…

Answer #66

If you want that feeling, you have to find it within your relationship. It is absolutely wrong to hunt for that feeling with another man. Ask your husband to help you fulfill your fantasies. Dress up, play “games”, do soemthing crazy, just no cheating. It works. TRust me.

Answer #67

Maybe you are just bored. Did you ever think about spiceing things up. Such as maybe try role playing, taking dirty or a threesome. You might find out that you do love him. Besides my parents divorced and my life sucked after that

Answer #68

Well, as the saying goes, “the grass ALWA YS looks greener on the other side.” You should probably do, NO, not what your heart tells you, but what is RIGHT. There is not a single marriage that is a “bed of roses” and where it is all “lust and love.” It takes work. Could it be that YOUR disinterest in your husband has put you in this dilemma? We women cause so much of the problems that we have.

Answer #69

1st of all you don’t need to let other people knoe about this sort of problem in your life! try to luv your husband again! what made you love himin the 1st place? try to work out your problems. be honest and open and that might help!

Answer #70

well if this guys wife is pregnant then you should not be in the picture. Unless he would leave his wife for you.

Answer #71

well if this guys wife is pregnant then you should not be in the picture. Unless he would leave his wife for you.

Answer #72

I’m in the same boat as you… I have many emotions and thoughts flying through my head… and my heart… it’s sooo hard!!
I wish that whatever you decide to do.. is the right decision for you…

Answer #73

Sorry to say this but it is a sin! That is commitin ADULTERY!!! talk to your wife/husband about it and pray to God tohelp you. with God NOTHING IS IMPOSIBLE!!! hope this works!!!

Answer #74

no affairs! damn it, I’d like to see more than one fu*king relationship go right these days. theres cheating,and divorices,its all unfaithful.

Answer #75

He is soo sweet and innocent and you are not, you are about to destroy him, and they you will blame him and feel bad for your husband, when hes not necessarily the one whos been hurt the most… and hes probably not doing much to revive your sex life. Keep that in mind, ok?

Answer #76

It seems so many have forgotten what marriage is, it is not something you do with someone because you fell in love and the sex was great. These are poor and counterfeit reasons to get married if they are the drive behind the decision. Trace the roots of marriage back to the bible, and understand why God put certain rules in place. When traced back through millions of failed relationships, sex before marriage is a key point in disguising a potential mate as “The One” It gives false readings of emotion, you feel in love with this person you know nothing about. A few years later you realise you have nothing in common and then make a mockery of the sacred vows you took in the church. Holding out on sex in a relationship and giving it the pedastal it deserves is very rewarding, and makes it something you are less likely to take for granted and abuse through mindless lust or internal suggestions of boredom. Sex creates such powerful strongholds in our lives and is the reason for millions of broken lives and relationships. If your lust for sex and excitement with others overpowers your professed love for your partner, then the problem lies within you. Sure its difficult if your partner wont cooperate, but is still not a reason to allow closeness to develop between you and a colleague or that person in the grocery store you always see, this behaviour is unacceptable if you are married. You allow that closeness to develop saying “ But I wont cross the line she/he is just a very nice person” or she/he understands me, or whatever your bulls**treasoning is, you know subconciously how its going to end up, being in a position where you just cant resist. Because as we all know, “It feels so good when its like that doesnt it?” Bad deal, very nasty business and totally wrong. Out of orderits funny how when we are contemplating cheating sometimes we talk to our friends sometimes like we are children asking if its ok to have a sleepover, we know its wrong, we are just looking for signatures on our petition to make that foul decision we desire to roll with. We have no excuse. The problem should be addressed with your partner in a loving and private way, seeking help from either doctors or counsellors, not some moron you work with who says “Go get laid you will feel a lot better”, and then people think its ok to “Not tell your partner it will only hurt them and they need not know”, What a foul attitude that is, masquerading as a caring and loving concealment box, YOU KNOW, and in the end your partner will know, and whether you believe it or not, you stray from your partner of many years, you are literally destroying something sacred you have always had between each other, monogamy. And its not until you lose that, that you realise how relevant and important it was. You start swinging, you will never get out of it, and it will mutate into something more and become a stronghold you can only deal with and never get rid of, just like herpes. We should all take responsibility for our own thoughts and desires, and stop looking for excuses as to why its justified to break our marital vows, and indulge in mindless counterfeit lust. The more you want it, the more you will want it, so if you think you can just enjoy the thrill of wanting it, but never actually do it, you are wrong. If you are married, take your mind out of the gutter, if your partner has a sexual problem, then focus on getting the right attention for it. We all know at the end of the day there is no excuse for adultery, and trhats what everybodys whining is about, looking for the excuse

Answer #77

I heard an expression once: once a cheater always a cheater… are you going to prove that true? What I think is you should do it the right way this time. If you have the gutts to have this thrill, have the gutts to just move on first. Leave because you are unhappy, not just to have another man. Guilt is a hell of a thing. It looks like you have some sort of conciousness, and you should listen to it. Don’t drag innocent people into the potential issues.

Answer #78

Dont do get excitement with your hubby every man loves sex so do that its way easier than him finding out and you two gettin and divorce and putting your kids through that and then there is always who gets custody and what not so dont be stupid!!!

Answer #79

Don’t have an affair you made a promise to your husband that you will love him for as long as you to shall live. Marriage is a sacred thing. God made sex so it could be for two married people. Tell your husband that you would like to do more exciting things and maybe have a date night once a month. by having an affair you could end up getting a divorce and that is such a hard thing to deal with my parents did and it was awful for the whole family.Ask God to help you through this and he will. Start going to a church and build a relationship with the lord. He will help you make the best decision. You can always trust him. Just think how you would feel if your husband was having an affair. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer #80

MEN, did you just read the comments from the some of the ladies here. DO NOT GET MARRIED. Much more better living alone then marrying - “ modern, liberated women“ -.

Answer #81

Dear Confused, No, you don't live in a dream world so much as a 'sad world.' You sound sad. There is hurt somewhere inside you. I'm not sure you can rekindle love for hubby without exploring why you don't love yourself, first. Give it a try–what do you have to lose?

Again, Blessings and good luck

Answer #82

sorry you shpuld not do this with your hubby..its really bad..y you r doing affair..if you don’t like your hubby then why did you marry him??u should not do cheat with anyone mind it..if your hubby does the same thing how would you feel???m sorry if I hurt you but its really bad…

Answer #83

simple. tell him you cant have him (makes you want him - trust me.) Yes marriage isnt just about sex. but one of my parents had an affair and it broke down my family.

tell your husband the spark is missing and do something youve never done before with him - rollerblading, sailing, anything which is adventurous for you.

both start to tell things which you didnt believe you could tell him - theyre must be SOMETHING he doesnt know about you (but something personal not sexual.)

Personally im against the concept of cheating mostly because I’ve been in the recieving end, and seen it break down good marriages and good families.

good luck

Answer #84

roundaboutalley -

To answer the question - no if you tell him - it’s not an affair right?

I do want to feel something. My birthday was yesterday and noone even said Happy Birthday. I’m so hurt - when I finally said something of course my husband said he was sorry and ‘you know I love you. Go out and buy something special.’ - that’s not the point. It’s at a point where I just don’t believe in him any more. I don’t believe there is any passion left there. And I’m so hurt and tired of working on this all alone that I’m ready to give up. But the woman inside of me wants some attention - so an affair. While as you say is not a solution - it would do something for me - it would help me feel alive again. Because at this point - I’m miserable and feel worthless.

Answer #85

It pains me to read this stuff. A few months ago, I had an affair with two different people. I am a young mother of 2 and my husband is 12 years older than me. It began with this lie in my head that an affair was something I ‘deserved’. I committed my life to this older man, I didn’t capitalize on my youth, etc. So many lies. The affairs were exciting, the lust is intoxicating, but the pain and the guilt afterwards is beyond what I can describe. I confessed these affairs to my husband shortly after and I couldn’t bare the see the pain in h

Answer #86

why dont you just put excitment back into your marriage rather than hurting your wife?? wouldnt you feel guilty?? I mean it makes sense, but its your wife…

Answer #87

I don't have too much advice…actually I was looking for some myself…I ran into this gorgeous guy walking back to work from my son's court hearing…I was very upset…red eyes from crying, puffy nose…and he stopped at the corner and just stared at me…and i slowed up and he caught up with me and introduced himself…i was instantly mesmerized…he walked me back to work…in the elevator we kissed…tongue and all…oh my god it was so nice…well it has been 6 days and all i do is think of him…i have his number but im afraid to call him…what if he doesn't remember me…hes 24…im 35…married 13 years…my hubby is 10 years my senior…sometimes i want to test the waters….sounds dangerous? i do want that thrill…but im fat…dont have the latest fashions…but you can bet on payday im going shopping and getting my nails done…and lingerie to hide my tummy…am i being crazy…tell me the truth..

Answer #88

Thanks kua2u.You are right.No hard feelings here.I do have a low self esteem and it feels great that attractice guys show interest in me.I know that entering into another affair is not a good idea and I'm really trying to stop it before it gets started.This other person talked to me today and said he is afraid to get involved because he had a bad experience once.Well thanks again for the advice.I've really tried to rekindle the love for my husband but it's just not there.I just don't get it,he's a wonderful husband and really tries to be the best and give me excitement yet I still want the dating feelings.I guess I live in a dream world huh.

Answer #89

i know exactly how you feel i’ve been asking myself the same thing, isnt great to be with someone your own age? i found out this week it is this guy is a couple of months younger than me but hes so sweet nice,and of course cute we kissed but we didnt have sex yet not sure if we will or not i want too i’m just scared the biggest mistake i made in my life was being with someone so much older now when i want to go out and have fun he’d rather sit around the t.v and as for once a week sex that lasts about 5mins its not even worth it anymore.. well good luck

Answer #90

Ashley MAdison is a money making venture that is taking advantage of guys that are looking for an extramarital affair. The “affiliates” are people posing as possible female partners that entice the men to purchase credits to talk to them. They make money from the credits that are used to email or chat with them. The interest from females on this site has a direct correlation to a man’s willingness to spend money. Very few relationships (if any) develop on this site. When the exchange of money for credits stops, so does the female’s interest. For instance, why are females allowed to send “collect” messages that require men to pay to respond. Men are required to buy credits prior to sending a message, except for “winks”. The system is designed around the weakness within men to pursue other women. If you don’t believe me, check it out for yourself.

Answer #91

Would you tell your husband of 19 years? If you do is it still an affair? I think an affrair is great to feel sooo much again. Wonderful to know that you still have something that could turn someone else on. This you don’t get from a book or a friend telling you. You get it from the experience if you aren’t getting it from my husband. I for example got my hair cut today. My husband did not notice and if he were asked what I am wearing, he would not know. This sucks!!!

An affair is a quick fix to a bigger situation but for me, it helps.

Answer #92

FInal thoughts from Dr. Phil “If you’re in a relationship, and you just really don’t want to be there, you really want to go run and play, then I’ll guarantee you, you’re better off to just do that,” says Dr. Phil. “Don’t stay together for the children, because that is no gift to those children. To grow up with parents in an emotionally barren relationship that is defined by deceit, deception, and bitterness — that’s not a gift to children. They’re much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, and lying, and fighting, and living with stress and pressure.”

Think of your children, not your own selfishness!

Answer #93

I think that is really bitchy of you to do that to a person who Trusts you with all of his heart I would never do that to my man imagine how he will feel if he finds out do you really want to have that on your shoulders to know that you betrayed the man that you married and imagine what your kids will think of you they will look back and say god my mom was a fucking slut I really think that what you did was wrong and it will be even wronger to do it again especially if it is with someone you work with if you end it bad you still have to work with then.

Answer #94

thank you all now you’ve all given me another reason why not to trust women and I was thinking about getting married at age 25 or something with my asian honey now I feel like you female are just nasty if you marry some one you do not cheat you get a divorce your only using his money b!tches like you make men sign prenups b!tch

Answer #95

You know - the original post might be 4 years old - but there are still women and men that wrestle with the issues discussed here DAILY.

A lot of us talk about RISK and Worth and while those things have to be considered. I also think many people feel TRAPPED in marriages. It’s easy to say - get out and be honest about things. OR add some spice.

If you have every tried to speak up or add spice to your marriage and failed - OMG - what it can do to your self esteem.

Having an affair - or even just flirting with someone new can change your attitude about yourself so quickly. Should it be - intellectually I can say no that shouldn’t - but in my life - the reality is that when I feel good about myself and I feel like I’m still sexually attractive - I’m a happier mommy. I’m even a better wife - if it means I’m making a home my husband wants to live in.

My husband is older and he just has lost so much interest in anything sexual. It’s very sad and I have been trying for so long to find a ‘cause’ and a solution but it’s just not there. He isn’t willing to face it - he is HAPPY with things the way they are. Do I feel trapped - yes - I do. Will I leave no - I won’t. Am I ‘trolling’ for a man - no I’m not. But I have developed a friendship that has sparked me to feeling better about me and although it has ended. Very nicely I might add. The brief contact with another man being able to have passionate kisses and someone to listen to my thoughts and desires … it was a wonderful interlude in my less than perfect life.

I think roundaboutalley and I agree - being selfish means you are more concerned about your own desires and welfare than others. If you are in a marriage where your spouse is content to live without romance, your children are taken care of, you are working together and functioning as a family unit - wouldn’t it be selfish to upset the apple cart if all you really needed was a little friendship and companionship that could be discrete and you could come back to the family a happier person?

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