Does He Really Like Me or Does He Just Want Sex?

I’m in the Army right now and going through some training for a school and there’s this guy that I really like. It started when my friend and I were walking back from the PX with him and his friend John and he offered to carry my really heavy case of water. I started talking to him on breaks during class and I noticed he was really funny and outgoing with a great personality. My friend happened to be interested in his friend John, so after school we would start going out, all four of us, on long walks around the base. My friend and her guy started progressing a lot faster than it was going with me and this guy, and they would flirt a lot and it made me a little jealous. At this point, it seemed as if he really didn’t care one way or another about me, just as a friend. Well, one night my friend and her guy kissed. That night I sent him an e-mail telling him that I thought he was cute. The next night he seemed just a little bit more friendly. When my friend and her guy stopped to kiss, he and I kept walking. We walked all over the base and through the woods a little bit and finally he ended up putting his arm around me. We ended up stopping and then I kissed him, he ended up taking me into the woods and we made out for a while.

More of my friends started getting guys and so more of us would start going out on group dates together until eventually there were eight people and four couples. I noticed that whenever we went out the other couples would be really affectionate and a lot of hand holding and such, but he wouldn’t really pay any particular attention to me. He has an outgoing personality, as I said, and it seemed more like he would be making jokes to the whole group and making them laugh then paying attention to me.

One night we were all walking and the other couples had been holding hands for a while and it took him at least an hour or more to finally grab my hand.

Then there’s this other girl he is friends with. She is really pretty and very outgoing and loud and energetic. He always talks with her very animatedly and he always seems so excited to see her that whenever I see them together it just makes my heart fall. She already has a boyfriend, but it doesn’t seem to stop them from flirting with each other all the time. He even gave her a nickname that he calls her affectionately all the time. He gave me a nickname too, but he hardly ever calls me it anymore. He’s always smiling really big when he is around her and they are laughing and joking and he just seems so happy when he is with her, I don’t know what to think but that he likes her a whole lot. Today he got really mad when he wasn’t there when she went through his station and he made a big fuss about it.

The eight of us have all gone out to watch movies at the recreation center and we’ll get our own room and all sit together. All the guys will have their arms around their girls, and I noticed he held me when we were sitting on the couch.

Basically, he seems somewhat indifferent to me most of the time. I’m not energetic and outgoing at all like this other girl, and in fact, I am very quiet until people get to know me and then I open up well. That doesn’t mean he ignores me though, he smiles at me when he sees me and we talk a little. But he always seems focused on other people and telling jokes and stuff. He seems like the kind of person who is more interested in talking about himself than finding out about me.

The first time I met him he couldn’t stop talking about all the girls who wanted him when he was with the Navy and all the people he had sex with and it was like he was somehow trying to impress me with that information, like that would make me feel better about him.

I’m beginning to think that he is really just interested in sex out of me and that as far as a relationship goes it’s nothing special to him. My friend told me that her guy John who is good friends with him told him that he wants me to make the first move. But I would much rather he did, that way I would know if he was really interested in me to make the first move or not.

Then he confided in my recently that he hadn’t had sex in over a year and he didn’t want me to tell anyone because it would hurt his “manly pride”. He also told me he has a son with an ex-girlfriend who he is not with anymore and that he was afraid that if his friend John who is dating my friend found out anything was really going on with us he was afraid he might accidentally let something slip infront of his ex and she would take the baby and run-off. I’m not sure how this information factors into the whole scenario. His friend John is good friends with him back at home and is dating my friend now and is one of the ones we go on the group dates with.

I just don’t know what to think! Basically, I’m thinking his indifferent attitude means that’s how he really feels about me. I don’t want to go out of my way for him, even though he told his friend he wanted me to make the first move, I would rather he came to me. But I am beginning to think that is not going to happen. It’s really hard because I have to see him everyday in class and I have to see him talking to this girl all the time. She even comes back to the barracks at night and she sleeps next to me then she will tell me something about them and I just try to laugh and make it sound like I think it is amusing, but it really hurts me inside. She knows that we are together, but maybe she thinks it’s just innocent what she says. Afterall, she is dating another guy. I just can’t control the pain it causes me though. The way he acts around her is the way I wished he acted with me. But I am afraid I just don’t click with him the way they do together. I know there’s not much I can do about it if we just don’t click, but I want to know if I should try to pursue a relationship or is it just not worth my time?

Answer #1

look some guys just want sex really thats the reason the get with you but some but very few are with you cause they like or love or just wanna spend time with you. If he is pressureing you to have sex then maybe thats just what hes there for. but since your older and guys are older that might be your cause for not understanding if he really wants to be with you. i say wait it out and if you like this guy and he stays around that means he likes you. i always say what happens happens.

Answer #2

if you find someone who reads the whole thing the ull get help.

Answer #3

um hello, the guy has been in a relationship before he knows what it’s like to be in love and for him to have a child with his ex means that they were intimately involved as well. Seems like if he had it his way he would be back together with her . He is stalling his relationship with you because he doesn’t like you as much as you like him your convinient for the moment . Honestly it sounds like he is settling for you and you deserve much better do not waste your time.

Answer #4

hey… im not an expert on this but I read the whole thing… and I read some of the answers, and what I think is that maybe you should talk to him. dont change who you are for him just talk to him about it. then maybe he’ll understand and let you know how he feels. Honestly, I only agree with some of the answers I have read, some of them dont even sound like they read the whole thing or they just dont understand where your coming from. But hey, I get it. I’ve been through this but the girl he’s talking to seems like a friend. He likes talking to her. He is comfortable around her and it is hard to find someone of the opposite sex to be comfortable around, but there is always the possibility that he likes her. that possibility will never go away, but tell him, you want to be more than what you are, you want to be comfortable with him and you want him to be comfortable with you, but the biggest thing is to talk to him about it. Maybe this will help but maybe it didnt. but hint hint.. if you can ask total strangers what to do… maybe you should ask him… sincerley, -Me

Answer #5

wow that was very long, well it sounds like you need to try to be louder around him, try to see if you talking and grabbing his hand first will make a difference, I know you don’t want to make the first move but maybe possibly he doesn’t want you to feel that you are being forced or pushed into anything you should talk to him about this because it seems like he has no idea and maybe if he has some idea then he’ll change it. You could say something to this sort “I see how you treat her, I would really like you to be that happy around me” Or “You know I really love it when guys just hold my hands and aren’t afraid of kissing me in front of people.” Or “I love it when guys are happy to see me it makes me feel good inside.” Yeah I think the last one should work good luck on that my guy just left for the army tha’s been pretty difficult but I’m hanging in there he should be back sometime during christmas :) but anyways good luck with everything and if you want you can get back to me or whatever.

Answer #6

i read the whole thing. and well… hmmz, all i really want to say, is dont have s*x with him yet, wait, date for a while, then maybe one day get and if that happends then u 2 can do what ever u 2 want…and if u dont want to sleep with him, then dump him..because…i would hate to kinda be ignored..and if it takes him like a hour to hold ur hand or grab you…then i would dump him, oh and woot!! cool ur in da army…me and my brother are planing to go to the marines…i start training in the 9th grade… (going to the 8th) well n-e ways…good luck!

Answer #7

too complicated…find another boyfriend!

Answer #8

I believe that if you have to question a relationship..then it isn’t working. If it’s good, you know it’s good. Dump him.

Answer #9

My sister and I were in a branch of a para-military organization called granite state rangers, our branch was called granite state raiders. The organization was made-up of about 25 guys, my sister was the only girl there. My sister is one who is always going for guys. She is the opposite of athletic, so the only reason she came was for the in-shape military men. I’m not camparing you to her, don’t worry. Any way, our organization’s commander was this 43-year old ex-army airborne ranger, and he had a strict rule about no dating, especially between ranks. Now, of the Granite state raiders division, I was faster than anyone else, including my seventeen year old commander (I’m 14) I was a little less strong, I could do the most sit-ups, and I was the smartest one there, and I am not tooting my own horn, I am smarter than High-schoolers. So My sister, knowing the policies and knowing how badly I wanted a promotion, proceeded to date our commander. She told him lies about me that worked their way up the ranks so I was put at the bottom of the list for promotion. So when our commander found out she was 13 he broke off the relationship, however that relationship bumped him from, I think a Major or a Captain to an E-5 NCO SGT. He became our gunny. My sister then proceeded to date a Lt. and commander of the Granite State Rangers division. And while I got more push-ups and no rank increase they were ready to give her command of her own unit! Everyone hated her guts. So as she continued to date this Lt. he decided that he, being 15, would have one of his commanders, being 16 and having a car, to drive my sister and this Lt. out to the Lt’s house. This got both of them stripped of their rank and severely punished. So, when it comes to the morale of the story, military relationships are like politics they never work. I know you will hate to hear this but I think the Marines have the sexist training correct.

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