Really good insults?

Does anyone have some really good insults, because like at school people always take the piss out of me so iwant something that I can come back at them with :D this is my best one, your birth certificuit is an appoligey letter from Durex && Do you bleed from your mouth every 28 days (hinting he/she is a c*nt :D)


Answer #1

At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn’t hit me in the face (: x

Answer #2

This is a good diss I just thought of it now,”you know I could sit here and wait for you to diss me back,but that could take HOURS,so im gonna go on with my life and you can sit here and think of a diss since you have lots of time no life and no brain,ill come back tomarrow,then you can “diss me”ill diss you and well start the same thing over until you find a life on ebay buy it and do something with urself

Answer #3

Hey(: here are some insults on the top of my head:

whisper loudly yur toilet paper is showeing

look at them with a sympathetic glare, then hand them a tampon and say “I understand”

god made moutians, god made trees, why the he!! did he make you?

why is your chest as flat as my back?

lifes good :D so do everyone a favor and go get one!

thats all I have right now(: hope I can help ;d

Answer #4

um revenge is not good to do. said so in the bible

Answer #5

OMG ! Thats well good :) Becuase I’m always like proper hyper at school.. Thank you so much :D

Answer #6


Answer #7

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

Answer #8

does your own mother dress you like that?

Answer #9

Well… Look some up on and you will find some.. :)


Answer #10

A funny one is when they say something really good say screw you and the homeless people living under your breasts (or you could say boobs)

Answer #11

No probs vintagelover :D haha I heard that somewhere xxx

Answer #12

you can say this (it mite not be that good)

if someone tells you in scool to clean their rubbish up dont do say this

do you have any cleaning in your vocabulary and walk away


Answer #13

you know I was so good at comebacks, but its been a while since I had to go to town with words… We used to have a club in High school - TSC “Talk S - - - Club”

LilFoofie - you had me on the floor - “So now we know why some mammals eat their children…”

You know I was at work the other day, scooping icecream for my team of Technicians… this brash one came up to me and said, he’re the scooper so you dont look like an idiot using a little spoon… I just said, I may look stupid with this little spoon, but whats your excuse for being stupid all the time? Shut them up.

If they are fat - You can lose so much weight if you let all that water out of your blow hole - then with your hand make your fingers like a spray over your head,

Whenver they sit down, pretend that they lifted you off your seat
rattle a cup or anything on your desk, yell”earthquake!!!” when they walk by. If they say “ F you!!” tell them good luck finding their tallywacker. Call them Jubba. Get in Sumo postition every time they cross your path. make oinking sounds. Tell them to go cry in their chocolate milk (this one is weak) ask them if they piss mayonaise what di you have for breakfast, lard and some butter did you… When you $hi+… you don’t eat it do you? If someon is absent and they ask “where’s john Doe? “Jubba ate them” when they look for something… tell them to check between Chin 3 & chin #4

Sorry, I only have fat insults right now since thats who is pestering me…

Answer #14

I reckon the best waay to piss someone off is to just agree with them. I know K gets to a load of people and “ahh oryyte n… or oryyte aii”

ii know ii am

Thats riich comiing from you !!


Someone calls you aa slag just say “Biggest and Best ;)”

Your just Pathetic tbh …

What you bumping your gums about now !?

Do me a favour… Fck Off !!

Let me know how thaa one turns out for you

Cry me a river, build me a bridge and GET OVER IT!

My name must taste good because its always in someones mouth..!

Next tiime my name enters YOUR mouth, choke on it b**ch!

Jelousys an addiction, go see the doctor abou tha !

dont bother telling me who my ex is seeing, I just feel sorry for the b**ch whos having my SECONDS (:

Grow aa pair !! :)

Suck my big toe …!

im a b**ch .. AND WHAT !?

ii really feel for you, its sad tbh, your being mean to me to make yourself feel better.. Awww bless .

You must have aa saad lifee

tell someone who cares!!

Karmas aa b**tch, she’l have you one daay :)(What goes around comes around)

riight well ii carn be bothered to write down anymore.. Hope these help (: x

Answer #15

-This is an A B convirsation, so C yourself out

  • Person: Denial is the first step!

  • You: Da-nial is a river

  • Person: what do you want?!

  • You: for you to get the hell out of my face!

  • If someone gives you a snobby answer and rolls their eyes, and you cant think of anything, just make the uglyest face you could ever make and just stay like that

Answer #16

if the person insulting you is a guy say “ I’ve heard you love to wear you mom’s panties”. now if a girl say “ gosh you don’t look like your age, because you look older!”

Answer #17

looks like highschool musical took a shit apon your face!
you little sh*t

your insults on a schale from 1 to 10:WHAT THE FUCK?

I really would like0 to know what makes you think a care so much you just told me nothin I cared about

I could give two sh*its less right now.

What the f*ck is growing on your face?!oh whats just uglyness thats been there.

if… someone insults what your wearing: yea but your mom likes it

if… a boy dumped you and you really loved them and they dupmed you in a really harsh way: yea I trusted you and you f*cked me over k byyyeee :]

if.. someone says “I was not talking to you now was I?”: your talking around me its the samething

if.. someone says they arnt your frind any more: good at least your mom loves me more

if… someone says you have greasy or oily hair: yea when I was f*cking your mom in the shower I did not have time to wash my hair sorry

if.. someone said your emo and your not: I let you think that if you want to think that just for like 5 seconds though…wtf no!+

Answer #18

if someone says something like “eww” or “you’re so ugly” say “what, you found a mirror that didn’t break when you looked at it?” but say it all innocent.

Answer #19

If you people haven’t noticed… these comeback lines probably wont work because they’re craptacular and it wont flow with whatever the other dude said… Comebacks also take creativity and that’s what makes them good…

Answer #20

Your jealousy is my energy, ever wonder why im so hyper?

Lol kind of cheesey, but never mind!!

Answer #21

‘Suppose so… But they started it :L x

Answer #22

If you want to know about mistakes, ask your parents.

You’re a good example of why some animals eat their young.

haha. :)

Answer #23

you are so ugly you make normal uglies seem super models .or… you are so stupid you should jump off a cliff when your mother saw your face in the hspital ahe said “somebody change this child cause he looks dumb” this insult is for o fat meanie. you are so fat a cow seems anorexic or…hmm I wonder how many children are in that stomach or for mean pretties. I wonder how many plstic surgery you had. or… you probaly are jealous of my prettiness you wear so much make up to hide your ugliness. or im so smart and pretty and you are so dumb and ugly

Answer #24

“you so fat…that you make SUMO wrestlers look skinny”
“You look so fake… you make Barbie look real!” “You so poor…when you walk through your front door you fall out the back door.” “You are so poor…you have a chocholate milkshake on layaway at Micky D’s!” “You so poor… that when people stopped by you said: Stop crowding my house!” These might be cheezy, but me and my friend thought hard! lol

Answer #25

I have a good comeback: say this to your enemy!

Last night I had such a happy dream; there was a removal van outside your house!

Answer #26


Answer #27


Answer #28

Just ask them: “Why you living?”

Answer #29

loook, if youuu want a goood insult then you have to use some NEW ones yeah, heres a few I learnt from schoool, you see my friend gets bullyed :(. but now she is popular because of meh :D. well:

x Shut yaa teff beforee I shut them for youu. x Look, I alwys wondered why you loooked different, hmm..maybe it’s becuse your an ALIEN x Did you not read the sign? No Dog’s Allowed, (try to look confused during this one) ,, Well why are you here? HopeeeIHelpeddd:) xxx

Answer #30

‘let me guess the case of your lack of life…umm… you happened looked in the mirror?’

Well my friend told this one to me, it’s good for when someones talking crap.

“If I wanted to hear an asshole I would fart”

I’ll have to think of more…

Answer #31

first of all you cant really get something to say back to them if I dont make sense you need to seee what they say first and then say someting back or twist what they said so they look ratarded and if that doesnt work look at this picture for your plan b

Answer #32


“u remind me of micheal jackson on crack” “ya mom you dumb b*tch” “you dumb cunttt” “whats up with your breath? tryna save toothpaste”

I use cunnttt allot.

Answer #33

Thats what your mum said when you were born!

Kind of good not the best insult in the world though lol X D

: )hope that helps: )

Answer #34


Answer #35

I cant really compare to lilpoofle…

Answer #36

Your jealousy is my energy, ever wonder why im so hyper? Ahaha I Like This One From Sarah!!!

Answer #37

I saw you the other day accros the road, you had a yellow coat on ? yeh my friend thought it was a bus…

Answer #38

Did your mom put shutters on your pram when you were a baby?

was this to stop people slapping you. lol …

a new haircut (girls) That haircut makes you look like a lezbine.

Answer #39

Lol love34, Shit is nature and that defo aint beautiful :D

Well, if they say anything about your mum such as “your mums an ugly pig” or a “yo momma” joke you can just say

Atleast I have a mum/mom you test tube.

all the other replies have taken mine :(

Answer #40

the best part of you went down your mother leg LOL

Answer #41

Just say: Go f*ck yourself. And flick them off, then walk away.

Answer #42

Im not being a b*tch…your just PMS’ing

Answer #43

Ever Heard of A mirror.? That one is just Something I say when someone calls me ugly.. Hope it helps some of you.

Answer #44

If it’s a guy?: Needle dick.

Answer #45

Nothing says fuck you like a punch in the face

Answer #46

I’m the rubber and your the glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you(:

Answer #47

im glad that you diden’t let somthing like a good day stop you from being an a**hole

Answer #48

Why are we bringing up the bible? Not everyone is Christian

Answer #49

Hey! I think walmarts is selling lives you should go getone,and leave mine alone!

Kinda cheesy but I love it

Answer #50

the nerd store called…they said they want your face back

Answer #51

hahahahahahahhahahhaha these are great lol

Answer #52

Oooo, I have one…

Your so damn short you have to get a running start to get up on the toilet.

Answer #53

If I wanted crap from you I would sqeeze your head!! random I know

Answer #54

flowerchild;; oh wow, if the bible to you to jump off a cliff would you do it?

and as of answer.

Sure, I’ve seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission…

Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

I’ve seen more life in a down and out’s vest.

You’re red shirt goes well with your eyes…

Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn’t you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you…but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You’re about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you…I was at the zoo.

I’d love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can’t count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn’t say Hi to folk, I’d say BOO!

You’ve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love…unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn’t have given you worse advice…

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact…so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

You started at the bottom…and it’s been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under…’RED LIGHT DISTRICT’

You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They’d all like to throw you down one…

Somebody said to me that you ain’t fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception

I hear you’re connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs…

Shouldn’t you have a license for being that ugly?

I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

Why don’t you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don’t have the film.

You’re about as good looking as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..

You! Off my planet!

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

You’re the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

I’d like to leave you with one thought…unfortunately I ain’t sure you have anywhere to put it!

Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?

Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?

When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?

You’re so bent you make roundabouts look straight!

I’ve seen better hands on a leper!

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

You’ve got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

You’re a habit I’d like to kick – with both feet.

So now we know why some mammals eat their children…

[some are corny :] ]]

Answer #55

If she’s a slut buy a condom or something and during lunch or somewhere where a lot of people are around but anyways go up to her and be like I think you dropped this you might need it for later :)

or tell her a good diet plan might be to spit instead of swallow since semen has 300 calories in it

or just make gagging noises everytime she walks by

Answer #56

I LOVE those insults! Although the Bible DOES say not to get back… I think it’s okay to have a little fun! Someone came up to me today in church, and said, “AH! Hideous!” Can you think of a comeback???

Answer #57

just say to someone,”The village called wanting thir fool back, I couldnt exactly understand thm but I think that they were saying your name”

Answer #58

Yeah I know. :) But like incase they said something, just so I have something in my head to come back at them with.

Answer #59

Now I know this one is corny and all but its one of my favorites.

Huh? You hear something? Sounded like a braincell dieing. OR… you could go with a new spin on a classic. Your village called, Told me they would pay to keep the idoit out.

Answer #60

If they are fat: Hey, is it true your first word was ‘Oink’ ? Your so fat you have your own zip code x

Other Stuff You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen… Shut up, you will never be the man your mother is (< kinda weak I no I’m only 12 tho ;] ) We all sprang from apes, I’m just sorry you didn’t spring far enough…

Mean Stuff Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? There is no vaccine against stupidity. I’d like to leave you with one thought, but you don’t have anywhere to put it… Go ahead, tell them everything you know, it’ll only take 10 seconds. I’m busy now, can I ignore you some other time? (this is a great comeback to anything they say, use it all the time)

that’s it for now, need to think of some new ones ;) Aren’t I the awesomest 12 year old ever? ;)

Answer #61

Wtf is wrong with you guys? Comeback lines takes creativity and if you notice… these comebacks probably wouldn’t work because they wouldn’t match what the other dude is insulting you in the first place… and some are old and craptacular.

Answer #62

just simply tell them,” the village called and they asked for their fool back I couldnt really understand them but I think they were saying your name” it looks even funnier when you “talk” on your phone then you “hang up” then say…

Answer #63

shut up! up where?

your a bitc*!

well a birc* is a female dog, and a dog barks, and bark grows on trees, and tress are nature, and nature is beautifull, so thanks for the compliment!

Answer #64

ignore em that always makes em mad or when they say something rude go oohh thankyou so much now if you excuse me I have to go heres my number nice meeting you and on paper right some random number like 888888888 andthan have a this at the bottom.:

I would not reccoomund keeping it below your chins it might get lost forever unless you decide to eat before you read it

Answer #65

someone insults you… yeah, well your fat,OR it’s not my fault your dad melests you, so dont take it out on me eh?

Answer #66

yeah, well your fat… OR look, it’s not my fault you dad melests you, so dont tak it out on me eh?

Answer #67

k, well i dont believe it fighting back, but an insult that always worked for me was, “u no wat, if i had to give u a penny for ur thoughts, u would owe me!” ill think of some more.

Answer #68

You easier than an easy button, staples would have you in stock but you are so cheap they would have to give you out for free. If I wanted a friend who gave out as much as you did i would befriend an ATM afterall everone has already touched one of those too :)

Answer #69

oh that chest one is hurtful, me being sort of a flat chested girl. :)

Answer #70

i like to get creative with it ^_^…. if its a guy somehow reference them as being MICROPHALLUS and let them figure it out. or threaten to BESCUMBER them….look it up its appropriate. and my personal favorite is calling them a corpulent bastard.

the beauty of these is that they will just be confused until they look them up. at which point they THEN will be pissed. and if they ask you what it means after you say it it gives you the opportunity to further insult their intelligence.

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