I'm a father at 13, what should I do?

I got a kide and im 13…what should I do

Answer #1

well first how long you been with her are you sure its yours

Answer #2

stay calm, for sure.

Answer #3

DUDE!!! whoa…

Answer #4

join the military

Answer #5

You need to go to your parents as well as hers.

Adoption or Abortion. I would not advise keeping the child yourselves. I answered a question to a girl that wanted to get pregnant at 13? and below was my answer, and I’ll throw it out there again to show why you simply cannot care for this child.

I became a mom (not by choice) at 18. I am now 26 and just recently had my second child. Some things NO ONE warned me of, were the expenses. This is going to be lengthy but bare with me, and please read through it.

Let me lay out some expenses for you, and then I’ll explain my experience.

Total cost for giving birth: $85,000 Total cost for infant care: $ 15,000 Total cost for hospital stay: $60,000

If you bottle feed: Formula: $250/month (minimum) Bottles: $ 25.00 (for about 5 or 6) Bottle liners: $25/month

The bottles and the nipples MUST be sterilized otherwise your baby can get “thrush” a bacterial infection whereby white spots appear on the lips, tongue, and inside of the mouth.

If you Breast Feed: The average breast pump: $150 The special packaging: $50/month The bottles: $25-$35

Then we move on to other necessities: Diapers: $120/month (at the very least) Wipes: $40/month

Extra Options: Wipe Warmer: $15.00

Carseat: $60.00 Stroller: $120.00 Cradle: $65.00 Crib: $200.00

Diaper Bag: $15.00 (for a cheap walmart one)

Pacifiers: $4/ for two – Trust me, babies lose pacifiers, they get worn out. You will find yourself buying LOTS of pacifiers.

Baby bath: $20 (cheapest) Feeding chair: $60 (cheapest)

Protection Kit: $45 - this does not include the stove guard or baby gates. This is strictly outlets and cabinet locks.

Baby Monitor: $40.00 (cheapest)

Bed set for your baby’s cradle: $35 Bed set for your baby’s crib: $60 Mattress for your baby’s crib: $100

Baby needs clothes: At minimum you would need the following:

8 onsies 8 sleepers 8 shirts 8 pants/shorts 8 pairs of socks 8 Bibs 2 hats If winter - 1 snow suit Mittens Total cost: $320 W/out winter gear: $250 … Mind you this is the BARE MINIMUM. You would have to wash EVERY mid week to ensure your baby had clothes

So, for your babys first month of life, you are looking at: $161,408 if you do not have insurance. Also - mind you this does not include all of your doctors visits.

Cost of one ultrasound: $450 Cost of one non stress test: $300 Cost of one office visit: $90 Cost of one office visit with Pap test: $150

…Should you have a high risk pregnancy, the costs would be even greater.

Then there is also maternity clothes. For a minimum wardrobe from walmart (we’ll say 7 outfits): $210 - not including panties, bras, and shoes - as your feet will swell, and your shoes will not fit.

Then there is also your prenatal vitamins that are $20.00 for 60 capsules? so two months… So thats give or take another $80-$90.

This does not include YOUR expenses such as groceries, shampoo/conditioner…

Then theres rent… your average 1 bedroom apartment in the slums in Illinois is at minimum $500/month not including your utilities.

When I was 18 … I worked full time and could barely afford to live.

My Rent: $620/month for a two bedroom Electric/Gas/Water: $154/month Car Insurance: $78/month Monthly expenses not including clothes for my daughter: $450/month

  • Are you prepared for severe back pain, and potential back labor?

  • Are you prepared to learn what a placenta is and what it looks like?

  • Can you handle not having ANY sleep because the baby needs to eat every three hours and you need to wake up to do so? (and I am not exaggerating).

  • Are you prepared to give up your friends and your life because you are now a fulltime parent and have other responsibilities I.e. a child that is fully dependent on you?

  • What about when this baby is sick, how are you going to care for it? Are you prepared for LONG nights of crying for no reason and high -pitched screams that wont stop and you cannot for the life of you figure out why he/she is crying or how to make them stop?

  • Which also brings me to the point of daycare.. I forgot to mention at best its $120/week.. and thats for a potty trained toddler… not an infant.

  • Are you prepared as a father to pay child support?

  • Are you prepared to take care of this child and not force it upon your parents.

… Are you prepared for dealing with a child later on in life that resents you because while he/she was growing up… so were you?

Have you thought about:

  • Where am I going to work
  • How will I get the baby to the doctors
  • How will I feed this baby
  • Where will I live
  • How will I pay all the bills
  • What will I do if this child gets sick
  • How will I handle waking up every three hours, doing laundry so he/she has clothes, making bottles, sterilizing bottles, and keeping the house clean… when will I sleep?!

… Take some time to think about all of this. Be fair to the child as you are the one that has to sit down and explain to him/her why he/she cannot have the cool new shoes, why you live in an apartment and not a house, why theres no food in the pantry, why mommy/daddy is crying on the kitchen floor, you are the one that has to decide do I buy them clothes that fit or do I feed us this week.

Think this over carefully. Trust me, it will be a mistake if you have this child. And dont be selfish and think “Well me me me”. Think about the child - its not fair to them

Answer #6

wow.. are you serious? that’s like my own brother getting someone pregnant.

you need to tell an adult, so she can get help, like fast!

Answer #7

your crasy

Answer #8


Answer #9

Go see your priest or pastor or rabbi.

Answer #10

I agree. And 13 year olds having sex? Good god what is wrong with the world.

Answer #11

my girl is pergnant and she is 13

Answer #12

You acted like an adult, now you must BE an adult - step up and take responsibility and secure this baby’s future !!

Answer #13

Do you already have the child? Or is your girlfriend pregnant? How old is your girlfriend?

Answer #14

talk to you parents or close frieds. if you have no close friends or family then talk to a support network in your area. remain strong, the life of your child depends you

Answer #15

god, don’t they teach sex ed any more! did you know there are like STI’s out there. don’t you or your girlfriend have common sense!! at 13 you shouldn’t even think about having sex. my advice is tell your parents and let them deal with it, your only a child yourself, how can you possibly think to yourself that you could look after a innocent baby, I feel sorry for it to be born in this situation. the best of luck anyway.

Answer #16

you are very scared. but just think abt your girlfriend she is the 1 who has a child in side her.. you have got to stay strong for her..!

this is a very bad situation but make sure youu have told each of your parents know..!

good luck

Answer #17

And nothing is wrong with the world. Your over reaction is what is wrong. This stuff happens all the time. These kids are not alone. I would find a mentor to ease the shock to the parents because they will be shocked beyond belief at first. You need a mentor buffer.

Answer #18

I recommend that your girlfriend gets a medical checkup as soon as possible. Get her to a Family Planning Clinic, or a hospital.

It’s also very important that both you and her parents know this. Tell them NOW, as soon as possible, because this is very crucial. They will be the greatest form of support mentally and emotionally for you and her especially.

It’s not healthy to be pregnant so early in her life, and it’s only my opinion that she has an abortion. If both your parents are supportive and can help raise the baby, then by all means give the girl all the medical support she needs.

You can’t raise this baby alone, you need your parents help in this.

Answer #19

you need to stay with the girl, no matter what. if you think youre scared, imagine how she must feel. take her to a doctor to see how far along she is. discuss the possibility of finding an adoptive familt to care for the child. this way, you can finish your education and the child will be more secure financially. you can negoiate an open adoption, so that you can see your child and be apart of his/her life. however, it is yours and the mothers choice in the end. if you want the baby, by all means, keep it.

Answer #20

u were an adult to have se* so now I think you should pay the price

go tell your parents they will be mad of course but they will know what to do have your girl friend tell her parents soo that your parents and her parents can agree on what to do

I’m really concerned on what you were thinking in the 1st place to have se* I’m 13 also and that has never ever crossed my mind well good luck and next time be smart

Answer #21

No matter what you two decide , if the baby is already born support her , you may not be able to finacialy right away , but emotionally , the baby will need you so be there always If you the both split up , stay in contact with this child , cards, calls , visitation ,this will make you a great dad in the long run , this child will know you tried and will love you to the end good luck!

Answer #22

You acted like an adult by having sex… now you got to BE the adult and take responsiblity for what you did. 13 is wayyy too young to be doing that kind of stuff, but it’s a little late to think about that now isn’t it. When she has the baby, you 2 should care for it TOGETHER. Don’t bail out on her like some jackasses do.

Answer #23

talk to you parents or close frieds. if you have no close friends or family then talk to a support network in your area. remain strong, the life of your child depends you

Answer #24

what were you thinking having sex at 13 your out of your mind your to young but all you can do now is raise the child as best as you can and get help (preferably from your parents) good luck

Answer #25

go for adoption. you should not have an abortion and kill someone just because you were not responsible. at least the child would have a life.

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