I feel like I've MISSED something...?

That’s right, not missing, MISSED. I’m still in highschool doing my last year, turning 18 in couple weeks. And I feel like I’ve missed something at the beginning of the year 2009. I feel like I have lost my common/conventional sense, I feel like I can’t comprehend anything anymore. I’ve lost my passion for filmmaking, I’m failing my subjects in VCE, I’m failing to be the best school captain I can be, I feel like I can’t get back to my normal state of mind anymore. And I keep blaming this because of the year of the Ox this year, because I get the worse luck this year, how pathetic am I to blame failer on a stupid superstition? Oh… I’m angering you superstition am I? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I solve this problem? Why can’t I find the secret after 5 months and still searching? Why do people think I’m just a mere whiner and complainer? I feel that something is not natural, I’m not feeling natural like I did before. And I think there’s something SERIOUSLY WRONG this year. Was the VCE designed like this for students to succeed? Then why can’t I succeed? Why am I failing when I got 2nd place best student of the school award last year? I’m a school captain, I’m popular, I used to be content, I used to not mind the work, but now I DO mind the work to the bottom of my suffering heart.

You call me a whining boy? You tell me to stop complaining and just deal with it? Afterall… thousand of other students are doing the same… VCE. Oh ofcourse I don’t want to annoy you with me silly complaints, maybe I’ll just blame it on the year of the Ox, maybe I’ll think that I missed something at the beginning of the year, but then it all loops back to where I just started my suffering. If thousands of kids are doing VCE then why haven’t I solved my problem yet? the problem I cannot identify?

I’m not the type of person to have such problems like this before the year started, I was always enthusiastic, always passionate about filmmaking, always thinking about filmmaking, feeling the filmmaking flow through my vains. But now something has been bothering me every seconds since the year started, is that… why am I having so much badluck failing my grades and stuff and still haven’t solved it after 5 months?

I’ve asked God a few times, gave him thanks everytime I felt like I’ve solved the problem, but it just keeps coming back. This is a new experience for me, something TOTALLY new, I’ve never used to focus so much on this problem before, I’ve always been focusing on school, grades, filmmaking and normal life, but now this problem has comsumed all of my focus throughout the year. And I can’t solve it.

I feel like this is a really rare case, maybe it’s something I have to find out on my own, but how long will it take? Surely if I suffer this much should I learn/gain something worthwhile at the end? yeah?

Can anyone relate?

EDIT: I DID NOT INTEND TO PLACE THIS QUESTION UNDER LOVE&RELATIONSHIPS SECTION.