I don't know what to say to my Mom anymore.

My parents divorced 26 years ago because my Dad cheated on my Mom. She is still very bitter and I feel she resented my sister and I because she had to take care of us herself. I put my Dad on a pedestal and was devistated when he would go several years without seeing us. I didn’t understand why they split up until I was in my teens and my Mom was always angry because I don’t hate my Dad like she wants me to. He was good to me when he was around and she always made me feel unwanted and I could never make her happy. I always had a weight problem and She would say to me, “How does it make her look to have a fat daughter?” She never told us she loved us or gave us hugs and kisses. We lived several states away from the rest of the family and we had no one else to feel love from. I was a good kid and I tried to make her happy by saying nice things to her and buying her gifts with my allowance. Nothing made her like me any better. Today I had an arguement with her because I admitted that Hanging out with my dad was one of my favorite things as a small child. He didn’t belong on that pedestal that I put him on, I know… But when he was around he made me feel loved and special… Why is it that I am 34 years old and I can’t feel what I want to feel. I made amends with my Dad a few years ago and my Mom wants me to continue to hate him. I think she is the one that needs the closure with him because she is the one that still hates him. I think her hatred for him will consume her and she hasn’t even seen him in a very long time. How do I live up to her wishes? How do I make her see when she is such denial?