How do I tell my mom im bisexual and Atheist?

I posted this question and I got replies that were really hurtful to the point that they made me cry. So please no hurtful comments.

So im 13, and bisexual, and I’ve known for a while now a lot of people know already. I POSITIVE im bi. I’ve been with a girl, and I’ve been with a guy. So dont say I’m too young to know about my sexuality. I have reasons for being bisexual. but anyway im not sure how to tell my mom.

Im also Atheist. My whole family is Cathiloc. They have a strong belief but I dont believe any of it. I’ve had a very difficult life and I’ve been battling depression for the past few years and if God is supposed to be such a great guy and if he’s supposed to help us then why wont he help me? what did I ever do to him? what about all the other people in this world who suffer…what did they ever do? Thats why I dont believe in God. And I don’t know how my mom would react to that.

please note I have NOTHING against ANY reigion. I would never ever judge someone based on their beliefs.

I cant tell my mom these things because im her only child. She’d a single parent, and not planning to have anymore kids. She already says im not the daughter she always wanted because we dont even get along like we should and I feel bad that I can never be up to her standards. I want to tell her that im bisexual and Atheist since I’ve been hiding it fo a while, and im ready to come out, but I don’t know how. Because im scared she’ll kick me out of the house or get rid of me, since she has once before. any ideas?

Answer #1

Even though you think you know your sexual orientation..I would give it a while before you make that call. While you say “trust me I know”, I say “Trust me, I know that 1% of the girls who think they’re bi at 13 are actually bi.”.

Also…you say you’ve been battling depression “for years now”, what exactly have you had to battle since you were ~9/10?

I’d like to see your answers to that question…

but to answer your question about telling her…who says you have to?

If she doesn’t ask, why do you need to tell

Answer #2

OK, the first assumption: people are stupid. The 2nd: people are ignorant.

Once you start with that you can look at everything in a different light. People criticize what they don’t know or don’t understand… It’s call: fear.


  • I would agree with some of the comments made, that you might not be really Bi, as you still have a lot ahead of you and have not met the “right” guy yet (I.e like me, just kidding, I’m way too old);
  • I would start by believing you and saying, OK, at this point in your life you are Bi (as I said it coudl change, you could turnout to like one gender more than the other).

Most of people have bad things happening to us (close people dying), chronic deseases, etc.; but most of us are lucky to have a house, food, family (yes, no matter how close we are to them) and friends (or lovers). Think about people in Africa, people in war thorned countries, or even people from new Orleans, or poor areas in the US.

I would say that life is what it is, with great things and not so great things, good and bad peoples (including those on Yahoo). But more importantly life is what you decide to ma out of it. It’s like a big game of poker… You might start with a bad hand, but it all depends on how you decide to handle it. Also, at one point the game will chane. You might have had no luck so far, but trust me, if you start looking at things in a lsight different way, things will not only “look” different, but all is all, I might not look as bad as it appear. If after all, it still does, remember the next round of cards will be different and YOU have the opportunity to change the game.

Another way to look at it is a walk in the forest. Along the way many hurles night try to stop you from going forward, but along the way, the decisions you make can change what happen to you; like a fork on the road.

Reading some of your posting, You sound like someone with personality, which is a great asset. Your are still young and things not only can, but will change. Remember in the end: YOU are master of your own destinity.

BTW, I would suggest to try to first reconcile yourself with your mom. Despite the poor relationship, you seems to care about her… as you don’t want to hurt her. First get close to her. Also because parent often have a hard to deal with certainties about their childrens, you might want to present it more as a doubt to her. This will lead the door to possible openings, discussions and won’t place you in a box or stamp a label on you… Who knows, maybe your Mom went through the same things growing up.

Anyways good luck and all the best. And remember, because you are who you are and because you care, you must be a pretty good person… ;-)

Answer #3

This is a really easy situation. I am a 30 year old gay man who came out to my family at 15. I am also what I will call agnostic. Which basically means that although I dont feel it hurts me to believe in SOMETHING, conformed religion doesn’t play a role in my life. Most teens at your age go through this, not to say that its a phase. I went through it and I am STILL gay and agnostic. There is no changing that. What I have learned is that most of our fears are misplaced and that parent tend to be a lot more open minded to our plight maybe even OVER that of the rest of the world. Now I am gonna reverse the situation a bit because my mom was so happy when I told her I was gay, I thought she was gonna build a float and join PFLAG, but not so much with my straight laced dad. Thats why I told my mom first. The trick to telling your parents and having them not DIE of a heart attack is to plant the seed in their mind LONG before you actually come out. For example and you are gonna think I am crazy but it works: Lets say your watching TV and Billy Graham or some religious extremist comes on you make a simple comment like “extremists like that are why I am shying away from religion” BAMM, you told her, sorta, mostly just a hint. She may ask you what you meant and then you can have a heartfelt DISCUSSION about your concerns and how you lean towards science and what you can see like the sun, earth and moon. All reasonable arguments.

On the gay issue, its similar, just comment gay issues when you see them and I am sure that will strike up a conversation. I find that it is a lot easier to explain these things when you arent “NECESSARILY” talking about you. Like if you see on TV something about Gay Marriage and you as a young bi think it should be legal, SPEAK UP. Say something like “I dont know what the big deal is, I think gays should have the same rights as everyone else”. Now your mom may not agree with you, but you will be able to see how passionate she is about the issue giving you a little heads up plus it will give you and opportunity to pose questions to her like “so your telling me that If I were gay, you would be okay denying me human rights even though thousands of species of animals practice homosexuality in nature?” apparently they didnt get the memo from “GOD”. Look I am totally with you, the bible is a farcely written political agenda formed by a committee hundreds of years afterr the death of christ to keep chaos down and to enslave the pagans. What is sad is that for the most part, the pagans (who have been smeared by the church, so please dont believe any of the hype) were right, they believed in the sun and the stars and the earth and the elements. That was their belief that everything was connected through, well basically the cosmos. They didnt need “faith” because they believed in themselves. Not until society started to unravel so early on and people were heathens did “the RULES” get established “BY GOD” what a crock.

Answer #4

This must be really hard for you, with the whole religion deal, have you tried any other religions, or have you completely decided that you don’t want a religion, im lds, and it is a great blessing to have someone to pray to when you need help:) I promise you will never be fased with any hardship you can not overcome. your mother loves you! goodluck!

Answer #5

well 1st in christianity its all about faith christians would argue that you shouldnt have to have proof that god exists and that you just need to believe and have faith he does and as far as problems go evryone has their own problems in the world and you cant depend on god to just make them magically dissappear he didnt do any of this and im not nessicarily saying its you fault either now das just one point I was bringin up 4 your depression and im not condeming you or passing judgement on your beliefs but to answering your ? I would advise you not to tell her this till your a older preferally when your 18 this is definently something that your mom would not like also considering the fact that she is catholic although im catholic (or at least I consider myself to be)I have nothing against homsexuals or bisexuals and I actually encourage them to be happy and love ehoever a they see fit but of course not evry one is like that telling your mother now will definetly put a great deal of stress in your relationship either way it goes as am other she should love you no mater what but im afraid you are still kinda young it is possible you could really grow up to be bi and by all means you have evry right to be happy so if you really are like that then your mother ill have no choice but to accept that now as far as being an atheist I would strongly advise you to keep that in your back pocket till your 18 I know it must be hard on you but im afraid you are still young and people do change over tym teenage years are crazy but wutever if you are true 2 what you say you are then you should go on life and be happy w/o anyone telling you otherwise because no matter if your mother or anyone likes it or not its YOUR life and no one should ever dictate your happiness or condem you 4 being who you r I hope I been some help

Answer #6

there is nothing wrong with being an atheist or bisexual. im am strongly catholic, but I think everyone should have their own beliefs and if you want to be an atheist you should be. I also have a gay friend and a bi friend, and theyre both wonderful people. I dont know you or your mom, but you seem like a nice person. I am sure she really does love you and thinks you are amazing, people just say hurtful things soemtimes. im sure the pressure and stress of being a single mother can be difficult to handle, but dont think she wont love you because of who you are. maybe she wont be 100% accepting at first, but she will be. my advie is to pick 1 thing to tell her at a time, it will be easier on her. whichever you think she will tolerate better. just tell her you need to talk, you really need her to understand, you love her, but oyu are bi or atheist. pick whichever one you feel you need to get off your chest 1st. then wait for a little while, see how it goes, then tell her the other thing. I think both at once might be a lot for her if she is as religious as you say. just make sure when you talked to her try to explain why and be as mature and calm as you can. if you need to private message me sometime feel free. good luck!

Answer #7

im srry the yahoo comments were hurtful. I would try an sit her down and tell her what eva one she can digest better then wait a while an tell her the next 1. there iis nothing wrong wid being bi or atheist so don’t let anyone tell you there is. I hope this helps.

Answer #8

it’s nice to think your parents will love you no matter what, but real life doesnt work that way… you’re only 13… it is really soon to be telling a parent who might kick you out… examine why you need to tell her… why are your religious beliefs or your sexual orientation any of her business? I suggest you try and get help for your depression… and seriously think about it… coming out is not something you can take back…

Answer #9

look I’ve been threw the same exact thing only im wiccan instead of atheism. im not bi though. but I know what people go threw because of there beliefs. and what I tell them. if your parents love you they will understand. they will love you no matter what. I care about people like this because I can understand. when I told my mom she didnt understand at first but than time passed and it got better. so dont worry okay hun. just ask your parents if yall could talk. and tell her and if she gets mad just say im not here to fight I know its weird but its how I am im sorry for what I am. okay sweety..

my uncle is gay and he was actually born with it. the dr. said he was actually born with a female gene in him so he thinks dating guys are better for him. and when he told his catholic family and hes an athiest as well. yeah they freaked out and didnt understand . but now there wonderful together its like they never fought. so

I understand what your going through. and I care. just try to tell your mom with love and compassion and just let it poor out of your heart when you tell her what you believe okay hun I hope I helped. :D

Answer #10

I’m not sure that there is anyway to break either of those topics easily. I am an atheist and my entire family are Christians of various denominations, so I can sympathize with you on that front. I hope that the comments that others have left you on other sites don’t hinder you in asking for advice in the future.

I think that the best thing to do would be to bring it up in a comfortable environment. Don’t yell or scream–even if she does. Just calmly express yourself. Even if she’s angry at the moment it will be worth it to keep your cool because when she thinks back about how maturely you handled it, she’ll be more inclined to take you seriously. Which is something that you’ll need considering your age. She’ll probably throw it down to a teenage phase.

If she does, there isn’t anything you can do except keep your convictions and prove her wrong. It takes patience and courage, but if you do it right you will hopefully not lose her.

I wish you the best! I hope that my response was semi-helpful and coherent.

Good Luck!

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