How do I approach my mom about this?

I am 16 years old…my birthday is 3/26/93. I am dating a guy who just turned 21 yesterday, on 2/16 (born in 1989). His name is Brian. We have been together for 10 months about (with no official date)…and we have been sexually active for almost as long. We don’t have an official anniversary because of our age difference. I prefer to wait until I am 17 (age of consent in NY) until we start dating officially. In the past few days I’ve been using the bathroom WAY too much. sometimes I have to pee twice before I even leave the bathroom! I ALWAYS feel like I have to go…however I don’t know what caused this. I also dont know how to cure it. I am not comfortable enough asking my mom…but I am extremely comfortable with my um ‘partner’s’ mom that I want to talk to her about it. I want to have a little background knowledge before going into this though. can sex be a cause of my recent problem? I also got my period yesterday…can that play a factor? I talked to brian about it and he said he is pretty sure his mom knows we are sexually active…he said “I hope she thinks I got some by 21.” Sweet. trying to make me laugh :) he also told me that when his parents met they were the same age as we are now…give or take a few months…and they even “went steady” on my birthday. how cute! His mom always tells me “it’s a sign…you were meant to date my son!” I really love him and I dont want to possibly lose his parents trust by bringing this up with them. what if they don’t think were having sex? I dont want to cause problems…maybe I should talk to my own mom about it? I dont have a strong relationship with my mom at all. we RARELY talk about our social or private lives with each other…and on valentines day my mom still acted shocked that brian gave me roses. she even asked if he was a good kisser…um, mom? we’ve been together for almost a year and you think we just started kissing recently? I don’t know sometimes with her…she acts so immature about this stuff. I really dont know how to approach her. Who should I ask?

Also, seeing as I will be 17 soon I wanted to ask my mom if I would be allowed to sleep over brian’s house. it would make things so much easier…

brian has a futon in his room and he told me he would let me sleep in his bed and he would use the futon when I sleep over. I have no intention of sleeping with him because I know how many lines would be crossed in doing so. but I think my mom is being a little harsh in having him drive me home every night. Example: last night we celebrated his brithday and went out for dinner. he drank his first legal beer last night at around 7…and then had to drive me home at 12. Last night it also snowed for a little, and then the temperature dropped so severely that all roads had a thin layer of ice on them. Was it really safe for brian who had drank (even if it was 5 hours previous) to drive me home on such icy roads in total darkness? I think in situations like this my mother should really trust me and just let me sleep over. brian had classes this morning at 8, so I would have been home in the morning anyway. plus both of his parents were home and so were his sister and her boyfriend. maybe this is an issue my mom has with brian? I am not too sure…but I have no clue how to approach her about this.

I am a very responsible person. I have a job. I just bought my own car (which I cant drive until my 17th brithday) I pay my own car insurance, I pay my own phone bill, and I buy all of my own clothes, pay for all of the dinners I eat when I go out with my friends, and I pay for all of my friends’ birthday presents without help from my mom. Oh and I have a 97 average in all AP classes, and I am in the National Honor Society, the Tri-M Music Honor Society, World Language Honor Society, Mathletes, and Key Club. I also started a charity of my own in my high school collecting soda pull tabs for cancer patients. I speak german as well as english, and I am taking spanish. I don’t know what else I need to do to prove to my mother that I am responsible enough to sleepover brian’s house…honestly I dont. Any advice as to how to ask her? or drop huge hints?

Answer #1

I told my mom…she’s going to get me on the pill, and I have an appointment at the gyno on friday. She said she can’t stop us now, and that she kind of expected it the whole time. She said she trusts both me and brian…and that now that she knows she wants me as protected as possible (hence the pill). I’m glad my mom knows now…and the more protection the better! :)

Answer #2

yes my mom knows how old he is…she ordered a cake for him for his birthday yesterday. brian is very serious with me…and I respect how patient he is with my mom. she is SO frustrating. brian and I always use protection because we plan on having kids after both of us finish college and are financially stable. he is on a full ride to a private university on an academic scholarship. he also has a job and pays rent to his parents even though they tell him he doesnt have to because he’s their son. brian and I push each other to do the best we can…and we both respect each other when we need to get homework, projects, papers and assignments done. he is extremely responsible as well…and our relationship is very serious. we talk about everything and we have no secrets…I really think we are taking the mature way about this. I just dont know how to get my mom to see that this is serious. (p.s. - she recently got divorced from my douchebag father…maybe she doesnt believe in love or relationships anymore? )

Answer #3

I understand that you think you are very mature but what about brian? do you really think he is serious? Any man over the age of 20 definetly should not be going with a 16 year old girl! I dont care that you will soon be 17 and how mature you beleive yourself to be. Trust me on this. I’ve gone through it and I let it continue…and then I was completely crushed. I also understand that you think your mom is being to “immature” about it but have you ever stopped to think that maybe she wants to be able to talk to you about it? im sure she just doesnt know how to approach the conversation.. Listen. You are only 16 and I know what the age of consent it but you are not ready! concentrate on school and finding a job. You will soon be out of high school and with this economy you dont need to be distracted by a little boy who only looks like a man. If he were actually mature about the relationship he would have been the smart one pushed you away. Oh and one more thing…does your mother know that brian is 21? because if not and she finds this out. she can and will sue the crap out of him.

Answer #4

I can definitely understand your situation. I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 22. We’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. Just as you and Brian, our relationship is VERY SERIOUS and we are both very mature. You’re a very bright girl and I definitely understand how you feel,but I’m going to have to side with your mom. Sometimes I feel like my mom shelters me way too much,just as you feel. Sometimes we have to take into account what/how our parents feel. My boyfriend has his own place and I have yet to spend the night with him. Why? Because my mom has already given me so much leeway that I don’t want to break her trust any more than I already have. I don’t see anything wrong with you and Brian’s relationship, however I can understand your mom’s discomfort with you two spending the night together. My mom know’s that my boyfriend and I are sexually active. It was extremely hard to tell my mom that her little angel was having intercourse. But I DON’T REGRET IT ALL!!! No one will ever be on your side as much as your mom will be,I guarantee you that. It’s going to be tough,don’t get me wrong. But you are your mom’s responsibility, therefore she’s in charge of all your medical and health issues. You should definitely talk to your mom about it because she can take you to the OBGYN and get you checked out. If you and Brian are going to have sex, then you need to practice safe and responsible sex! I’m not bashing you, because I went through the same thing. In fact I’m still going through it. And sometimes I can’t stand the stipulations that my parents put on my relationship, however I have to respect them before I can respect any one else(my boyfriend). But in the mean time you and Brian should stop having sex until you talk to your mom. It’s going to be hard and it may even be tough on your relationship,but if you two really care about each other, it’ll be worth the wait. Relationships are tough! And so far as your urine problem, I’ve never heard of anything like it,so you should definitely tell you mom about it,so that you can go to the gynecologist(ONGYN), so you know that you’re safe. Be safe! I wish you and Brian nothing but the best! It’s going to be tough,but if you guys really in it to win it, you’ll make it work.

Answer #5

You sound like a pretty smart responsible girl, so I’ll spare you the lecture about ‘possible perverts’ and being used by a guy way too old for you. Plus, I have a very similar story. I was seventeen and a half when I started dating my husband, who just turned 22 at the time, so I understand your situation. My parents sound a lot like your mom. I’m the oldest so they were really protective of me and I had to ‘break them in’ when it came to their little girls growing up and falling in love with actual men and not boys from school. It was a little awkward but they trusted me and weren’t as hard on me as I thought they’d be. They pretty much respected my decisions and let us do what we wanted. My now husband, Mike, lived about a half hour away from me so he slept over a lot for the sake of convenience and I just assumed my parents knew we were having sex. He was my first serious boyfriend and they’ve always told me I was mature for my age. I was almost eighteen and they knew they really couldn’t stop me from seeing who I wanted to. They knew Mike pretty well and really liked and respected him. Has you mom spent much time with Brian? No one is as good of a judge of character and intentions as your family, so I suggest you and Brian spending time with them. Family dinners, whatever. Also, almost 17 is a big difference from almost 18, so you should be easy on your mom and let her ‘baby’ you a little while longer. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want your 16 year old daughter sleeping over at some 21 year old guy’s house? She’s probably just barely gotten used to the idea of you not being 12 anymore. Just because you’re ready to be an adult doesn’t mean she’s ready to let you go. The most you’re going to have to do is wait until you’re 18 and it’ll be worth not destroying your relationship with your mom. Taking things slow with Brian is a good thing. If you start staying over at his house constantly, within a few months of being 18 you’ll be living there. Then, if all goes well, you’ll be married by 20 or 21 and pregnant around the same time. Do you really want to give up your youth? Your early twenties are a blast. I’m not trying to scare you, I’ve just been there before. I’ve been with Mike since I was 17 and we moved really fast and then it was like slow motion for a while. Even though everything turned out great, I was unhappy for a while. Being tied down and practically being married at 19/20 years old was hard. I’m just trying to get you to look at the big picture. Good luck! If you need someone to talk to, just Funmail me. Oh and to actually answer your question, you peeing a lot is most likely nothing. I wouldn’t worry about it, if you’re practicing safer sex. Which, god, please tell me you are. I may have to reconsider the ‘smart responsible girl’ thing if you’re not…

Answer #6

I understand wht your goiin threw … im 17 and my boyfriend is 24 it will b 2yrz for us in agust. I really love him … I had ma mom met him on our 1yr and she disapporved and didnt want me talking to him .. it really hurt me because I don’t wna disappont ma mom but because I love him I kept the secert from ma mom and kept dating him … wht iwas goiin do is tell ma mom agaiin @ the age of 18 and see how she takes it because @least iwud b of age to date him … ushould try the same thing and see wht happens

Answer #7

Maybe your mom appreciates your maturity…but understands that you are still 16…?? and too young to be spending the night at your boyfriends house?

You can get bladder infections from sex…and you can also get them 1000 other ways…so this shouldn’t be scary to bring up to your mom. You said you just had your period, and can I assume that with all your “maturity” that you have protected yourself with birth control of some kind??? The feeling of “urgency” for urination is a sign of a bladder infection…


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