How to tell my son his Father was my rapist?

I agree with pinkpearl and attentionham, dont try to explain rape, by the sound of it, hes too young to know, he’ll probably become very upset. just tell him his real father wasnt very nice and that you dont talk to him (what pinkpearl said) you’ll know when to tell him. but be sure to tell him how much you love him.

Be honest with him. Tell him how it all works.. Okay you don’t have to tell him that you were raped, obviously but tell him that his Daddy wasn’t a very good person. Tell him that lots of people don’t have their daddy’s around them. This is a really tough situation. How old is he?

x

Well, I would have to disagree with volleeit18 on telling him that the male who is raising him is his real dad. Like stellaapplemoor said, tell him that you don’t know where his daddy is, and not all daddys are nice daddys, and that it why _ is going to be his daddy. Explain to him that you are his real mommy and that you love him very much no matter who his daddy is. Best to tell him the truth now, because he may not understand it all right away, but if you tell him the truth later, he will understand more and be more upset. Or if you wait, he will figure out that he is different from his brother and get mad at you for lying to him. Go with stellapplemoors advice and tell him the truth! Best of luck to you :)

Hi I my name is Martha and I was raped at the age of 14 too. I have a beautiful baby boy and he has recently asked me the same question. However he has been shown his real father by members of my family and when he asked me this my fiance’ asked me to be honest to him since he had him in his life and loved him as his own. We also have another son together but by coincidence they all share the same name. I have told my son the truth and amazingly enough he understood more than what I expected him too. He was angry at first and thought that would change our relationship and view of him but now he sees that we will always love him and we will be his parents forever.He is my strength and I love him so much and it is a blessing from God that he is here and just make sure if you tell him you, you let him express his feelings and let him know is not a mistake but a miracle after a tradegy and that you love him no matter what cause God sent you an angel in the form of him to help you overcome a traumatic situation in your life. Hope I helped!

ohh ok then. does the father have any visitation with your son?? im thinking no one in there right mind would allow it but have to ask. I would just say that no your boyfriend is not the one who made him with you but that he chose to be his daddy because he is special. tell him that the real man who helped you make him is not very nice and not good for him to be around and that he is lucky because he has you and his brothers and your boyfriend who are his family and who love him very much. I had to do this with my daughter as even though her dad didnt rape me he wasnt good for her life and she grew up thinking that my husband was her daddy until at 5 she started asking questions. that is pretty much what I told her about her real father that he wasnt good for her and when she was bigger she could meet him for herself. but not until she was able to make a good judgment of what he was like. ?? does that help ??

Your son won’t have to be in court.

Most judges would actually REFUSE to allow children access to criminal proceedings such as these.

They will take his DNA in a lab…and the lab will report these findings to the prosecutor.

Your son doesn’t need to go anywhere near the courthouse, I promise.

I would als you say for now that you dont know where his real daddy is thats only if he asks. I would just let him be a baby before you tell him about the nastiness in the world. wait until he can comprehend what are saying to him. your doing such a great job luv you will do what you know is good for your boy. I know you will. xx

my son is only 3 years old and intill know he thought my boyfriend and other son dad was his I dont know what made him think other wise

Hmmm.

Well, I guess pre-law really hasn’t taught me a thing about legal proceedings and DNA evidence. There goes that $30,000 in tuition!

Tell him that Ed is his Father. After all, Ed is the man who raised him, correct? And that’s what a father is anyway - the man that’s there every day and every night, to give you love and guidance and a sense of belonging.

Explain to him that even though they may not look the same, Ed is still his Father. “There are a lot of Mommies and Daddies that look different from their children, and your family is just extra special.”

By the way, he’s just beautiful.

when he asks you tell him the truth. say “honey, of course I am your real mommy. that is why you mean the world to me and why I love you with all my heart.” and if he askes why his brother is different skin color say “edward. everyone in this world is unique in their own way.” and use an example like if you and some one are different skin colors say “…I am not the same color as your teacher, but we are all people who love each other very much” and when he asks bout his dad say “…edward, is your real dad. daddys care for their children and never let any thing hurt them, and that is what does for you.” than finish up with a conclusion to sum it all up “…I am your real mommy, _ is your real dady and we all are your family.”

in this case ___is the name of the man who is helping you raise him, I take it he wud be anthony’s dad.

I hope I helped funmail me if you still need help!

they shouldnt make you take him in surelly they can be happy with the dna results. I would really look into weather he has to be there. its not in a boys interests to have to hear that stuff is it. god girl you really do have your hands full with life dont you. xx

PinkPearl is right. Don’t tell your son that he is the product of rape.

He is still mentally and psychologically developing, and you could do severe and irrevocable damage to his psyche.

Wait. For the love of your family, wait until he is old enough to safely deal with this.

My hearts hurts for you.

thats what they said to me but it might be different in each state/country… I dont know this is all confussing me its been 3 years

Just tell him that he is from a different dad. if he takes it like a joke, show him. if he starts crying or doesnt talk to you, then tell him the whole story, but explain what raped means in the most comforting way there is. (not that there is one but just try to explain it in the MOST comforting way.

An acurate DNA test can not be gotten in less then 3 days. Your son will not be in the courtroom during this trial. If the judge or jury or court system need to see your son it will be done in a private session. There are laws that protect children. There is a reason for that. At 3 years old in no way shape or form is he ready to hear he is a product of rape. You need to be in counseling. They can help you with ways to deal with all of this and the proper time and way to tell your son. For right now to tell him he has a different father and no way to be able to be with him is more of an appropriate answer. At you being 14 when the rape occured it is child molestation. That being said, makes it of more importance that this is handled with care.

I’ve never heard of DNA results that take less than 48 hours.

Have you asked the prosecutor if your son has to be in the courtroom DURING THE TRIAL? And if so, why not ask the judge permission to leave your son with a friend or family member in the courthouse lobby?

I’m just not familiar with any legal precedent that states your child MUST be in the courtroom during a trial that is convicting his father of rape and alleging that he is the product of rape.

This doesn’t make sense.

I can’t believe people here are advocating that you sit down and gently explain “rape” tp your child.

You absolutely do NOT tell a child his father was a rapist. Oh my. Children have a hard enough time with understanding normal sex, let alone forced sex. All he needs to know is that he had a different father and that father had some problems and you don’t see him at all.

If the incident was well known in your area, and you are worried that he will find out from strangers when he gets older, I can see your cause for concern, but even then, no need to upset him right now. These days there are many families where the kids have different fathers.

I don’t think you should tell him about rape. It is a very disturbing thought. No kid wants their mommy or daddy to be hurt so I think it would just hurt him. I do think though that you need to tell him that his real dad is not there and that he won’t be back. When your kid gets older and starts asking more, I would tell him the real truth. Sorry this happened to you. My heart goes out to you. Good for you though for keeping your baby.

no see my son came to me and asked me what happened to him why is he not anthonys skin color then he was like are you my real mommy and where is my real daddy…

its not that I want to tell him its he is asking what happend he figures Ed (my boyfriend) is not his daddy and he thinks im not his mommy…

I was going to tell him that I am your real mommy he looks like me more then his dad (which I see ever once in a while in town or food shopping the worse thing for me and he see me with his son and my other son) but before I could even say anything anthony came in crying and know every night he asks me but something comes up to make me stop explaing it to him but I still dont know what to say to him exactly

no I already found out that my son has to be in the court house for the dna we get it done the same day we have court and its a two day trail

be honest with him before its to later you’ll regret never telling him or telling him later. the sooner the better

Tell him the truth when he’s an adult. Because no one deserves to be lied to about their true family. You can lie to him while he’s a child. But tell him when he grows up.

yes I talked to the prosecutor about it my son has to be there for the dna and can be outside the court room while the trial is being held but he still needs to be their im not to sure about the dna the said its a rush thing pushed by the judge since I’ve been trying to push the trail along for almost 4 years

yeah I think that is the best way to put bigmuma.. His biolglical father has no visitation right his bioglical dad will know that he exist because the case for the rape is still open and we do have to go to court soon for that im more scared about that because I have to bring my so they can do a DNA test to prove that he is the father and he will have more charges on himself.. im not scraed of the DNA test its the fact I have to hold my son while his father is across the room and let them talk about what happen like he aint their