Why does she put up with someone so jealous?

Hi Sue90,
After giving my situation with my best mate some consideraton I have decided to speak to the health advisor at our college for his advice, I have started to notice a change in my behaviour and my attitude, I am going of the rails at a lightining speed with this current situation, it just seems everthing I do for her she always chucks it back in my face and gives me a kick in the teeth, I am trying to be there for her but what else can I do??

She has went back with her ex boyfriend and she seems really happy with him, but what you dont know is that he is in the Brittish Army and is due to go back to germany with his regiment he is very jealous, paranoid, thug and wants to know who she is txtin on her mobile phone, he even reads her txt that she gets from her mate.

He asked to join thm for a drink but I was catious anyway to go, we decided to go upstairs to the night club next door, my shock was when he told me to take my best mate home and sh*g her, I had to ask him to repeat what he had said to me as I was stunned by what he said to me, she also looked very shocked with what he had said to me infront of her, I knewa foregin lady who I was help with her english and we go talking, but my best mate came across and spoke to me and her now boyfriend came across and started chatting to the forgein lady, when both myself and my best mate went to the toliets we came back and it was obvious that he was trying to get his way the the forgein lady, my best mate left in tears and I went after her to comfort her.

What I dont understand is why does she puts up with him.??

A few weeks before that she found out that he had sex with a girl in aberdeen and he had no option but to come clean as the girl told him that she was pregnant to him, which turned out to be lies but he had to admit what he had done while they had split up for 3 weeks, I told her if he's had sex with 1 girl behind your back, how many other has he had sex with aswell as her??

He told her that he was going to petrol bomb my flat and her parenst place as she had finnished with him back then, she was in tears and I comforted her as best as I could, he thought that we have had sex together, but nothing has happend between us.

She has going to see her halth advisor on wednesday at college to talk about things,which is a good sign for her.

She blames herself for not been able to getpregnant but I think its him who cant do the business on top of that they both take drugs and drink alcohol on top, is it any wonder they cant have a child together,maybe its a blessing in disguise.

My friend says that I should erase her from my life but I dont want to as I would feel like I've turned my back on her if you see what I mean

They spent xmas with his mums and her boyfriend and new year with her parents, I dont think she knows what shes doing, as she still had a boyfriend at college as far as I am aware, she's making a big hole but I dont think she's going to able to escape it without some help

2 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 2

Dear virgintaker16,
The hardest things is to see someone we care about getting hurt. We just want to make it all better for them. But it is obvious that her boyfriend is hurting her intentionally. He is sending blatant signals to her so why isn't she catching on?? Your friend appears to have very low self-esteem and very low opinion of herself. I'm hoping the school will direct her to a counsellor for this. Unfortunately you can't do anything to help her there except to tell her she deserves a better person. PLEASE...do not make that person you for a few reasons...reason #1 she needs a friend not another complication or boyfriend. She is not ready for a relationship with such low self-esteem. Secondly you do not need a person for a partner that isn't healthy. You would feel like you need to fix her all the time and that is very bad in a relationship. She needs to see a counsellor and of course she needs to drop this guy. I'm sure we all wish she'd drop him first but if she hasn't left him yet after everything he has done to her she may not drop him till she is healthy.
Sue...good luck

ANSWER #2 of 2

ok thanks for your advice sue90

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