I just need someone to listen and some advice

first I’m going to say this is long and if you want to help me read it all. and sorry for the spelling/grammer

First I’m(Braden) 15 about to be 16. In the past 3 ½ months my life has went from great happy go lucky to crap. First I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I didn’t tell my mom for almost a month but it was destroying me inside( I lost 35lbs and I was having nightmares) I told my dad I knew first, he threaten me to not tell her. I finally told her. the had a huge fight for 2 days then my dad left with saying he hated me. (haven’t seen or spoken to him since) my mom is blaming for the split saying if I was a better son… or if I would have told her when I found out… she told me she hated and wanted nothing to do with me and that I was a selfish person. and the last month and a week she hasn’t looked or spoken to me.

To make things worst me brother who has been the medditor is leaving for college in like a month for early enrollment. Since this started I’ve been confused and thinking this is all my fault and etc… like if I were a better son neither of them would leave or hate me.

The one good thing has been my (Alyssa) girlfriend( together for almost 3 years) I love her so much. She knows everything and has been there for me. We started having sex about when everything in my family happened. WE WERE having sex 3-4 a day for about 2 ½ months. Having sex with her made me feel like someone actually loved me you know.

But I stop having sex with her two weeks ago because I felt like a bad boyfriend. She told me that I hadn’t been smiling since the stuff with my family and I hadn’t told her I love her in two months.( I do love her. I finally told her today). I mean she constantly trying to make my feel better and says that she loves me like 100 times a day but I haven‘t been able to tell her I love her back for a while. I use say it to her all the time but… she is also worried about my health and I’m 6’2 and I’ve went from 205 to 135 in like and month and a half.

So I stop having sex with her. I was having nightmares of her cheating on me every night since I found out my dad was cheating. I told her and she said not to worry that she only wanted me. So we stopped the sex and we made promise we wouldn’t have any type of “sex” with anyone but together (so no masturbation). It been driving crazy.

I told my best friend ( a girl: Rose) about my family. She’s been my best friend since the 3rd grade. And since I told her last week she has been very supportive and she been sleeping over my house and I had hers for all this and last week

I can tell my girlfriend is a little hurt from me not spending as much time with her in the past week and I haven’t been able to say I love you to her. My best friend whose sleeping over and stuff we almost kissed and like the other night(her house) she was giving me a lap dance before her mom walked in. another night she slept over (my house) we watching t.v. she started licking her lips(you know what I mean) and it turn me on. and I since I was wearing pj’s pants you could see. she saw and she came over and rub “it” twice. It happened so fast. After the second rub jump up and told her to stop and she did but I feel like ### for it happening. yesterday she told me she loved me more than a friend and that is why she is acting this way. And she said she there “for whatever I want” she told me she always be there for me. She said that she has had strong feeling for me for a couple months and has been trying to show me signs. I didn’t pick up on. She said that she would never leave me and would always love me. And she said deep down inside I want her.( also her family is letting me stay at there house when I feel like it)

Two days ago after avoiding my girlfriend and school for this whole week I told my girlfriend everything that happen with Rose and she said that I didn’t cheat since I stoped it and that she was hurt but she knows that I’m confused and that I would never cheat on her. I finally told her I loved her after and she broke down crying. She said she was so happy and want to go out tonight. . I said yes of course then Rose comes up to us tells me she loves me and kisses me on the cheek and they get into a fight over me. I cooled things down. But they refuse to talk to each other and now Alyssa told me she wants me to come live with her family instead of living with Roses family. She also asked me if I had any feelings for Rose and I told her I don’t know. We kissed then I went to talk to Rose And rose said she can be everything I need. I’m confused from everything and everyone. I don’t know what I want but I do I want my girlfriend and my best friend but not two girlfriends or two best friends. Rose is turning me on and maybe b/c I’m horny or w/e I want sex with her. And I feel safer and much closer to her. I love her as a best friend and she hot and everything but she’s not my girlfriend. I’m horny and maybe that why she turned me on and I’m confused. But I’m in love with my girlfriend.

I want sex. I been thinking maybe she right maybe I want her maybe I want someone who wont leave me. Or if I start back having sex with my girlfriend I feel like I’m using her. I feel guilty and she deserves better then me. I’m confused from everything. I just feel like I know my rose would never leave me. What I do about everything? Why is my girlfriend even sticking around. Why do have these nightmares? Why do I want to cheat on her sometimes? did I cheat on her? I’m just like my dad? And why my best friend of all people I want have hot sex with her? I always want to put everyone before me and I care about my girlfriends feelings and if shes hurt I’m hurt but if I moved in with my best friend and her family could she cope? I think I’m selfish maybe I am hurting everyone around me. Hurting my girlfriend/ bff/ brother / mom/ dad am I being selfish

I don’t know whats wrong with me I know people care about me I just don’t feel love I use to feel from anyone I don’t know what’s wrong with me ? I know people care about me I just don’t feel love I use to feel from anyone.

Thanks for reading this I know its all over the place like my head right now. I would appreciate advice.


Answer #1

it seems that since you noe rose for a long time that now your realizing that you dont have feelings for alyssa. you may think that you love her but you have to think that you are still 2 young for love… a lot of relationships last for a while but when you find the right one u’ll noe. as for your parents they do love you is just that they are right now confused and stressed out about the cheating and lieing that your father did…I think that you stayed quiet for a while because you didnt wanted to see your mother hurt and as for your dad he’s a pig but he’s still your father and one day he’ll come to his senses and he will apologize for what he did. good luck and I hope that this advice helps you on your way to recovery…just remember as long as you love urself inside and out you will always be loved…signed anonymous

Answer #2

the reason your girlfriend is around is because she loved you for who you were before, and who you are now, and she wants to be there for you and would never ditch you. Not having sex does have an effect on you, but it doesn’t mean you are in love with Rose. You could just need people, people who support you and are there for you and that draws you toward Rose. Or you might be afraid of losing either your girlfriend or best friend and just want them to be there, and you might be insecure because you so deeply believe that your parents divorce is all your fault. It is not and I have a good back up argument for that. You just set the train of events in motion. It was the inevitable, your parents probably had tension building inside and you just didn’t notice until the end. They were probably good at hiding it from you, and your mom blames you because she is lashing out. She is hurt, extremely hurt it seems. I’m afraid I have lashed out too so I understand her :( Also, my best friend has a dad who calls him a “failed abortion”. Basically his parents put him down so much he believes them. Please do not let your parents get to you. You are a good person, and look, you have the STRONG willpower to say no to Rose, and you are so caring for your girlfriend, Alyssa. You could talk to Alyssa about having sex with her again. I’m sure she would want to some time too. I know such a sweet guy like you would make her feel good during sex. :)

Answer #3

Dude your realy unlucky. But you might just like her because your norny because you havent had sex in ages, so think about it, who do YOU think you LOVE the most. not who do you think can give you the best bj. ok?

Answer #4

that is a really suckish situation and im sorry your in the middle of it you have to think of it like this rose and your girlfriend obviously both love you so your horny…masterbate! because I think that rose is trying to tempt you over to the dark side, you obviously love yoru girlfriend, maybe you do ahve feelings for your best friend, btu think very carefully before you do anything, no you are not like your dad in that way, your girlfriend stuck around because she loves you and I dont think you staying wtih your best friend is a good idea no matter how bad the situation is at home because your girlfriend wont only be upset or hurt, shel get jealous and paranoid, I mean who wouldnt get paranoid if their boyfriend was living with a girl who was in love with them? I personaly wouldnt be able to hack it think long and deep about what you want because you cant afford any un nececary losses at a time like this hun chin up things will turn out ok and one day your mum will turn around and beg for your forgivenes and try her hardest to make it up to you its just she is probably heart broken right now and looking for someone close by to blame and your the first one she could pin it on, but it is nto your fault by any means sp please please dont ever blame yourself the family stufff is out of your controll but the girlfriend and best friend situation is wtihin your control. make thhe right choice huni good luck ever need someone to talk to , im here x

Answer #5

wow dude, thats rough. but listen… my situation wasnt that extreme but I had the same kind of feelings youre having like “am I using the people around me?” “do I make peoples lives worse?” you have to realize that absolutely NONE of this is your fault. sh*t happens, sometimes theres no one to blame. as for the girl dilemma, dont do anything drastic until youve had some time to think. can you picture your life without either one of them? I dont know you or the girls, so I cant really say much more I hope this helped some! please dont blame yourself!

Answer #6

Im so sorry for whats happening to your life, but none of it is your fault your parents are only blaming on you because you are in the middle and they know you can’t do anything about it, just talk to your mum and tell her that you atleast told her and not to put the blame on you, cause you’ve been on her side all along even if she turns her back on you…

But on the girlfriend thing, who do you trust more? Your girlfriend who you’ve been with for 3 years and has been supportive and still trust you with all her heart, who actually forgave you for what you’ve done, if it was my boyfriend I would be really hurt and will take me a lot of pain to forgive him… do you think you could ever find another person like her? or a bestfriend who didnt had the guts to tell you she likes you but just went up to you and tried turning you on and said she wants to have sex with you? that doesnt sound right to me, if she did care for you, she would atleast have respected you and didnt give you another problem to think about… Look at it in a different view, which 1 sounds better? Try solving your problems with your family first, if both of them are willing to wait till you get yourself sorted out then do it that way but dont solve the girl problem first cause it will only effect you more.

Answer #7

omg I feel 4 u. I think that Alyssa is a one of a kind person. when my ex cheated on me I ended it. shes an awesome girl. if Rose is really your bff then she wud understand and NOT try 2 turn you on but 2 help you wid your problems 1st. DONT BLAME URSELF for the parent thing. its THEIR PROBLEM. just calmly tell your mom NOT to include you in the fights. just say: “Mom, please stop blaming me. This is your problem not mine so please leave me out of this”. your mom is probably taking this out on you because your just THERE. this happened when my parents separated. just try to love her and understand the pain SHE must b going through as well. hope this helps! zahra

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