How do I deal with my jealous boyfriend?

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months now. This is my first ‘proper’ relationship (where I am dating a guy who seems to like me for more than just sex) so I really want it to work. However I am having a problem - I am quickly discovering that he is the jealous type. We went to a music festival on the weekend and he got really annoyed that I kept bumping into male friends of mine who wanted a (quick) chat to be polite and friendly - nothing more. He would give me a filthy look as if to say ‘WHY are you talking to other men??’ yet he also ran into girls from his place of work and it seemed okay that he chat to them. Despite this, I had a really good time and just tried to brush off his jealous behaviour.

There is another music festival coming up this weekend and I mentioned to him that I REALLY want to go with my friend (who happens to be single) so he knows what I’m doing this weekend. I knew he himself wouldn’t want to go, as he didn’t like the last one and I was right. He went all silent and I asked what was wrong and he said “I really don’t want you to go, but it’s your choice…” When I asked why he said he doesn’t trust the guys that will be there and it makes him feel paranoid. he also doesn’t like me going out with any single friends.

Sooo…my question is - Should I go to the festival and have fun with my friend? Or should I not go, to please my boyfriend? And is it normal for guys to get this jealous in a relationship???

Answer #1

talking from a guys perspective; we are wired to protect what we feel is ours, and that’s how he feels about you, he is just worried somehow someone will steal you from him.

jealousy is a big problem and you need to make him understand that he can trust you, and you are going to have a good time and nothing else is going to happen, that you care for him very dearly and he NEEDS to trust you or the relationship just wont work. The level of trust in a relationship is paramount.

I think some girls make the mistake of letting boyfriends get their way with jealousy and it gets out of hand to the point of them not even being able to see their own friends, this is ridiculous and suffocating.

just tell him he has no reason not to trust you and it is your life and if he cant trust you then the relationship wont work. This is all fair and reasonable and there is no reason why he shouldnt accept this, support you and let you go.

Good luck and let us know how it all goes down.

Answer #2

intense, im gonna try and tell you something. im a boyfriend, and im the jealous type as well. as shallow as this sounds, its about territory, but it is more than that, something happened that caused him to be cynical and untrusting. some past experience. mine was a cheating ex-girlfriend, I put every bit of trust in her that I could put in humanity, and it was betrayed. I went out for a year with her, 7 months of that, she wasnt really my girl. it starts with a cause. all you can do is constantly reassure him that nothing will happen, and show him how you interact with your male friends, and hope he can understand that, but make it a point that he meets ALL your male friends. this is the best I can do for you

Answer #3

I’m now single…the jealously amongst other things just became too much :(

Answer #4

same here girl!! my boyfriend got pissed at me last nite for going over to my guy friends house after work to stop by and say hi because one of them is movin to WI for a job and they wanted me to come over so I did…we used to be 6 hrs away when he was still in school but now were like 3 while im still in school for another yr and its hard! and he said that he wouldnt just randomly stop over at his (girl) friends houses when he was in college because I would get mad…even tho he went out and partied w/ a bunch of girls…which was find & I told him that I wasnt gonna be a b*tch to my guy friends and tell them that I cant come over because my boyfriend’s gonna be pissed… it’ll be 3 years in july and I dont know what to do either w/ his jealousy because if I tell him bout it hes gonna take ie the wrong way like most guys do (sorry guys if you read this but its true! lol)…I hear ya tho!

Answer #5

I have a jealous boyfriend as well. He explained that it was because he was cheated on about 5-6 years before I met him. I’m sorry but I just cannot agree that getting cheated on by an ex should give someone the right to distrust every person they are with after that. I have been cheated on and yes, it sucks, but I am not going to spend the rest of my life making someone I care about miserable just because I have been screwed over before. Seriously, you only live once and I don’t want to waste that one life being jealous or being unhappy because someone is unreasonably jealous of me.

I know there are really good moments when it’s just the 2 of us, but he rarely makes it through any social event we go to without becoming jealous. The funny thing in my situation is that I am new to the area and all of the people my boyfriend is jealous of are friends of his that he has known for years.

I believe I will be the first to admit on here that alcohol is involved with the jealous rages and accusations 90% of the time.

I think it is quite funny to see guys responses on here that say you need to consistently (which pretty much means CONSTANTLY) reassure your jealous boyfriend. Do you really think men give that same advice to other men if they have an overly jealous girfriend?

My natural inclination when having jealous accusations flung at me (or 15 phone calls in a row because I didn’t answer) Is to withdraw from him. I have done nothing to deserve this treatment, so why should I deal with it?

I know this is not an answer to any question, but everyone’s situation is different and you cannot find the perfect answer to any relationship problem online or anywhere else for that matter. Although, I must admit that it helps a bunch to just write out your problems and to read about how other people dealt with theirs.

Answer #6

girl wow I think you just described my life. haha me and my boy are both into music but he is like super jealous if I talk to any guy but if he talks to any girl its not a big deal and honestly it makes me mad. at first I thought it was cute but now I don’t know what to do either…ugh like I guess all we can do is test their trust and love. if they really do trust us and love us then they wont care…they will live

Answer #7

So…do you think I should go or not…? I don’t know what to do. If I don’t go I will be annoyed and so will my friend (she won’t go by herself so is relying on me), but if I DO go then the boyfriend will be REALLY angry! ???

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