He wants to take my son

My baby father is trying to get full custody of my 22day old son =[ Claiming I am an ‘’unfit mother’’ when I really do try my hardest and breaks my heart to hear him say it because I havent ate for 4Days putting all my money towards feeding my son and clothing him and Buying nappies and he doesnt pay one Penny towards him, What do you think will happen I cant bear 2 lose him however stupid this may sound becuase he is so young but he is my life =| Will he get custody over him?

Answer #1

Hun I know what youre feeling I really do but dont let him take your baby. Go to social services for supported housing, if they fob you off ask for their name and for them to tell you in writing they wont help. I know how you feel , theres so many charities out there but none to help mums, just dont let anyone take your baby, I’ve lived over a year without my two boys and its all I can do to stay sane. Hang in there you will find a way and cope together, im behind you all the way good luck xxx

Answer #2

Sue >>> Haha your mad if you think im giving up my son, think again, everythings sorted now and I am in full control of my son so dont criticise me when you dont know me

Answer #3

Thanks everyone for your advice and I will look up a lawyer. No he wasnt over he just turned 17 when it happened. Thanks for all your advice though =]

Answer #4

I agree witrh dawnathen you are an inspiiration keep fighting for your baby and the courts should take your side you have a job and a home so itll be fine they may even help out. good luck -v-

Answer #5

It would be a good thing, if you love your kid, you will do whats right.

It’s not your fault you were not prepared to have a child. You need to make a life for yourself before you take the role as a parent.

Answer #6

Your pathetic, you would rather get help from complete strangers then from the people closest to you. Is it because they would tell you the same, are you looking for attention, are you anorexic, or are you genuinely concerned, cause if you are Iam giving you the honest truth. You should give up your child

Answer #7

Anyway thats the discussion over between me and you =|… Thank you to everybody else for your answers =] =]

Answer #8

I didn’t criticize you, you criticized yourself. I gave you the facts of life.

The best thing for you and your child, is to give him up temporarily until things are better at home.

Answer #9

Babybump, in Missouri we have a program called WIC (women, infants and children) and they give you vouchers to get formula for you child (courtsey of the health department) . And when the child does not need formula any more then they give you milk, cereal, cheese, eggs etc. Maby you can do some searching in your area for some kind of program like that.

Answer #10

Jenny and Alison > Thanks for your answer but he has never been around he has only seen him once and would rather go out drinking than see his son =| he does not have a job either, The only reason I havent ate is because I would rather see my son healthy =|

Answer #11

I would say that he would have to have a damn good reason to take that baby away from you. Just because he said that you was an unfit mother doesnt mean nething he would have to go to court and prove to the judge that you are an unfit mother and if he cant prove it then there is nothing that can be done.

Answer #12

There is no doubt that he should help pay for his child. But I don’t know about where you live but in Missouri the courts can not make someone pay child support until the age of 18.

Answer #13

Simply a Rose to brighten your day,         And maybe lessen the cares in your way;         And also, too, to help you to know,         That in knowing you, many others grow!

  Happy Birthday!


Keep in mind that the majority of posters on this question don’t know you or what you’ve been through. They give their advice based upon their own experiences.

Some have looked at your profile and realize what country you are in whereas others are giving advice based upon circumstances if you lived in the U.S.

I think Jenny and Alison is giving you good advice based upon what she thinks might be in your best interests. Don’t fault her for her opinion.

in my opinion, if you are able to manage taking care of your son then you should do so. These next six to twelve months are critical for his bonding with you and developing security and trust in you.

I’m not familiar with the laws in your country, but I wouldn’t think that they would give any credence to the baby’s father if he isn’t working and isn’t attempting to help support the child.

Also, keep in mind that your parents may still come around and start being supportive of their grandchild. The situation and circumstances are all new to them, so you still have to give them time.

Answer #14

sounds like he is trying to hurt you the one way a man can - your heart.

I too have problems with my ex, and I tell ya’ 10 years later they don’t get much easier. but he can’t do that, all he can dois make your life difficult, which he’s doing already.

please make sure you eat, if you collapse then you’ll end up in hospital and who’ll have the baby? you need to look after yourself and your baby and sod him.

you do what you know is right, and keep a track of everything he says, does and doesn’t do. if he’s going to play nasty then you may have to too. you two need to talk, if he doesn’t see the baby then maybe him visiting might ease his arrogance…unless he’s abusive or violent, then stay the hell away from him!

the law though wil not look too well onhim causing this anguish for themother and not financially contributing.

what ground does he has for this accusation. and any mum knows that that baby is your life from the moment that extra line comes up on the pregnancy test…

Answer #15

Ok. So how would you feel if I criticised you about you or your daughter and how you took care of her when I dont know you and you just got back on your feet? Im going to make a few points then leave this discussion at that. 1) This has got off the subject from me asking about full custody to you criticising my parenting when you know nothing about me or my friends! Im not like your sister im not in depression or anything my life has never been better I was just asking about the baby fathers rights. ok? So dont compare me to her. I am having fun and living my life thanks and he is part of it, I still see my friends and he comes with me! I am not being ungrateful and throwing your advice back in your face before you think I am but there is no need for me to give up my son he’s fine and as for me I get paid 2morrow so I wont be depriving myself but sorry for putting my son 1st right??

Answer #16

DONT LET HIM!!! a man should NEVER have custody of a baby unless the mother is dead or on crack! a baby should never be away from its mother! where are your parents?ask them for help if not them go to a close friend who can help you out!a single mother and working is a hard job and him putting all the more stress of custody battle is harder!that kid came out of your vaina its yours!lol!if you 2 had broken up before the baby than he shouldnt beable to clame it as long as you didnt put him a the father on the birth certificate!it just kills me when someone wants to take a baby from its mother!!!tell that bastard to goto hell!sootica is right the law wont look good on him for putting stress on you!when talking to a lawror or judge or whatever then say can he breastfeed can he be at home taking care of the baby!?!no1 can love a baby more than its mother!will he not eat for 4 days to feed the baby?what happens if some girl comes over to have sex?!?men cant say no to that cus they are pigs!!!just please do your best to get YOUR baby!he didnt go through pregnacy he didnt go through labor!please keep us updated!

Answer #17

ok, sweetie you want advise about custody

First contact a lawyer Second follow your lawyers advise, this is what they do

Look up your local laws

If he was over 18 when you had sex and you were 15, some places consider that statitory rape. In which case he will not be aloud custody because he is a considered a sexual predator.

You should also consider talking with your family

Answer #18

Sorry but I was nice at first but now you are bang out of order! I would NEVER let my child be a victim of abuse or even have to watch something like that and I have a good future planned actually, I have a job interveiw coming up and I am going to college in september and as for now I am being home schooled so I can be around my son so he feels secure and wanted! So how you can come and judge me I dont know. I am grateful for you trying to help with my problem so I would appreciate keeping to the question and not criticisng my parenting when you dont know anything about me!

Answer #19

Don’t worry, I can’t see how he can just take you to court and claim that your an unfit mother. like xxjamoxx said, he needs proof. Just open up to the court and tell them that you try your best to do everything you possibly can for this baby. If he didnt do anything for the child, ex: giving you money for him, the court will see that and WONT give him custody. So dont worry about it much okay :) Good Luckk!

Answer #20

well y’all should have joint custody and let each other see the child and he should help care for the child you shouldn’t be starving yourself.

Answer #21

Just because the parent that has coustody makes more does NOT mean they are free and clear of paying child support. I don’t know where you got that information from jenny and alison, but in Missouri, if you don’t have full coustody of your child (no matter how much either parent makes) you have to support your child (child support).

Answer #22

if parent (1) is taking care of the child, and parent (2) isn’t then what happens is this.

if Parent 1 makes more then parent 2, then parent 2 does not have to pay child support.

if parent 1 makes less then parent 2, then parent 2 has to pay child support

Answer #23

I would say he will have to give you money for the baby.. becuase the courts will say he needs to pay you to help you with the baby. and I am very very proud that you are giving everything the baby needs. and no the father will not get the baby becuase he hasnt done anything for the child.

Answer #24

My family dont want anything to do with me so I dont get support only from friends and my childs godfather and they have gave me a lot of money recently to help me out with rent and stuff

Answer #25

I was looking at your other questions. You act like you have no money but you make several references to going out shopping for clothes, going to bars. Then you say you have no money. You ask how to loss weight, how to cover your pre and post pregnant belly, yet you are here talking about how you haven’t eaten in four days.


You need to be a normal teenager and have a normal teenage life.

Answer #26

Thats great, but again you cant take care of a child if you don’t take care of yourself. Do whats right, find someone who can take care of him. I have seen many people in your shoes. Some give them up for short periods of time, some long.

Most keep the children.
The children witness emotional and or physical abuse caused by there parents, or the boy/girlfriends who abuse them and or there parents.

A lot of the children go to foster homes because of this. They lose family and friends, they go to new schools.

They always have problems with Child services.

At least if you give your child away, you decide for how long, you decide to whom. You have a chance to make a better future for you and your child.

Answer #27

Yeah now look at the dates.. I posted the one about losing weight 19 days ago… and yeah I did go shopping whats your point, who’s to say I paid for them and someone else didnt!? hense ‘’my friends have borrowed me money for rent etc’’ SO GROW UP! Your meant to be like what 24? act it! Right stop telling me to give my son up because its not going to happen even if I go without his godfather ALWAYS pays for my son when I am out of money, and as for parenting I am a good mother despite what you say or think he doesnt go without he feels safe and loved adn always gets what he needs,so now tell me what he is being deprived of!? . Have you got kids?

Answer #28

I’m 100% sure fathers can’t take newborn reasons under these conditions: There are many programs out there that help mothers to shelter, feed, and bathe their children, not single fathers; Newborns especially need their mothers for proper nourishment; as long as the mother isn’t abusing the child, she can take custody of it no matter what her financial situation is because the government and other programs will pay her to keep it taken care of.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about as long as you have a good heart. And sooner or later the authorities will get to the father and make him pay child support, so you will be getting help from him either way.

Answer #29

Then get help from a family member. All Im saying is that everyone thinks they are good parents, but the fact of the matter is they are not.

Whether you like to think so or not, you are putting your child at risk. This early after labor you should be consuming lots of full calories ie. breads, milks, veggies, meat.

You said yourself that you have not eaten in four days, do you know what can happen to you if you don’t eat…You can pass out or even die. Then the father will get you child.

Hmmm sounds like a loss loss situation.

Answer #30

Actually unless child custody is set by an official, the Father has the same rights as the Mother. And he should but doesn’t have to pay child support.

For all we know he trys to see his child, but she wont let him.

You should how ever worry about the Father taking the child. Because there is no legal recourse the Father can take the child and not return him unless told by the courts. If you deny the Father the right to his child, then again, he has the right to not give you money. Another reason he may not be giving you money is, you may have cheated on him and the child may not be his.

Answer #31

He is not being deprived


You need to be a teen, have fun, or you will have a bad life.

And I have a daughter

My sister was in the same situation as you are. She was young, single, had no money, and people took advantage of her. Shortly after having her son she fell into a depression. It was ruining her life, she was always sad. When her son was about 4 weeks old she came by my house and asked if I could watch him for an hour. I didn’t hear from her for six weeks. I wasn’t mad, I understood. She needed to get her life together before she could care for a child. It took her nine months to get stability, but it was worth it. She is a great Mother and she has her life on track.

Just think about it.

Answer #32

Simply a Rose to brighten your day,         And maybe lessen the cares in your way;         And also, too, to help you to know,         That in knowing you, many others grow!

  Babybump, I think you are reading to much negative into what Sue said. She appears to simply be trying to get you to utilize some of the resources that might be available to you in raising and learning to raise your son. Don’t be so fast to judge people negatively.


Answer #33

and I do give him access to his child but he only wants to appear at stupid times in the morning like 1-2am…and what can he do at that time when he is sleeping…Take him to the park!? Are you calling me a slag then because I tell you now I never cheated on him so how can you come here yeh and basically call me a slag haha and if you think I feel intimidated think again love cause you think you’re the mature one sat trying to intimidate 16 year old girls haha!

Answer #34

Legally he can’t just say you’re an unfit mother, he has to be able to prove it. If your baby has what it needs and there is no signs of neglect or abuse on your part then there isn’t too much he can do. Is he on the birth certificate as the father? If he isn’t then he would have to go through a lot just to even prove he’s the father and all that could take years and money. Courts usually keep kids with their mothers unless there is an extremely good reason not too. I hope this makes you feel a little better and I’m sorry you have to go through this.

Answer #35

oh my gosh! He’s just trying to worry you by telling you he’s going to get custody. my ex did the same thing. I have full custody of my kids. He never pays a penny either. and no it doesn’t sound stupid to say that your baby is your life just because he’s so young. That baby IS your life!!! You do whatever it takes to be a good mama, that also means feeding yourself. If you don’t eat, you’ll get sick. If your’e sick, you can’t take proper care of your baby. go to a food bank or somewhere that gives out food boxes. Feed yourself as well as your little one.

Answer #36

ooo my ex husband said the same thing to me to scare me into going back with him so I don’t lose my kids that way, but I been happily divorced now for over 9 years and my kids have been with me all this time. Claiming and proven it 2 different things. He has to prove it and tell him to prove it then walk away. I won without a lawyer at my side I knew I didn’t need one.

Answer #37

Dear babybump, After reading these posts you need to consider going to children’s services. It is clear you are not mature enough to handle your own life let a lone a child. It’s a brave and caring mother who puts their child’s welfare a head of “being right” Children services will help with the legal end of things; support and visitation schedules etc. They will help with parenting skills and money management. Like it was said sometimes trying your hardest isn’t good enough when you have a child. You need help, you need to seek out the proper resources. You are not the only one who has gone through this and you won’t be the last. There are many services there to help out and you need to find them. Sue…good luck

Answer #38

and I never said you were a bad Mother

I don’t even know you

Answer #39

Where I come from Ottawa, Canada thats how it works. Things are different everywhere you go.

Answer #40

He can not just go to court and take him. He has to have physicial proof you are an unfit mother (drugs,abuse etc,ect) If you truly are a good mother then you don’t have anything to worry about. Good luck.

Answer #41

Just because you try your hardest, doesn’t mean your a good Mother.

A good parent knows whats best for her child.
And if you cant afford to buy YOURSELF food you should let him take the baby.

Don’t go through court, courts only make things official. You should do this with out the courts help.

Do it for your baby, it will give you a chance to get back on your feet.

Answer #42

well depends if the father has been a part of the baby’s life. If he has supported something and he has had money 2 not only help the baby but himself as well, the courts will definitely choose him. If he has not, the courts cannot see him as an adequete father because he has had no experience and the baby will remain with you. Most likely they will make him pay you every week or something to help support the baby. this is what my parents did. However if he over rules the court and he gets custody of the baby, you will have to pay and are most likely going 2 be granted visitation rights.

Answer #43

it will be very difficult for him to get custody. the court will side with you, don’t worry. now go eat so you can be strong enough to take care of your son.

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