Good start or bad start

Ok I’ writing a book or well starting to and I want to know what you guys think about itso here it is I’m in a dark alley when levi walks up to me I turn around quickly He says “ you have something around your lips.” I wipe them with my hand as I turn away and lick the blood too I say “sorry, it was nothing big just a nose bleed because I got in a fight with this one guy, but it is all ok now.” He says “ ok well whose body am I going to have to burry?” I say “don’t worry about it he is dead now.” He asks “ what happened?” I tell him “ I killed him.” He complains “ and you didn’t save anything for me?” I laugh and give him a bag full of the dude’s blood Then I say “you didn’t think I wouldn’t save you any, now did you?” He has a confused look on his face and says “ what do you mean leave me any” I tell him “what did you think that stuff around my lips was?” He says to me “I knew it was blood” Then he pulls out his knife and slashes my wrist I do not even flinch Then he asks “ your still human! But then how were you able to drink blood?” I lick the blood on my wrist and then say “ I have grown a liking to it” He asks “ how???” I reply “ one day I just happened to taste blood and it tasted good” He laughs and smiles while I suck away at my blood So I stop and extend my arm to him He takes a lick while I say “its strange that when you cut my wrist it didn’t hurt” He laughs and says “ and you think it should have hurt to have your wrist slashed when there is nothing that hides the pain in your eyes even though you are still able to put a smile on for show” My wrist stops bleeding I look into his eyes and all of the suddend it gets hard to breathe Gasping for air I manage to speak “ whait what I can’t breathe help help help me” Then as I close my eyes for the first time under his protection he says to me “ every thing will be ok you are going to be one like me” I shut my eyes close and as I lay there motionless I still hear the soft breathing from him the soft and faint beating of my heart as I lay there slowly dying I can hear no more and see nothing but know that I will be ok.

Answer #1

thanks and I was going to change that anyway

Answer #2

It’s good, but you might want to add more description and stray away from the “he asks” and “I say”. Try to elaborate more and maybe work on grammar =) Keep it up though

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!
Advisor

The Really Good Book Shop

Fiction, Mystery, Thriller

Advisor

COULD BE GOOD BOOKS PTY LTD

could be good books

Advisor

Book Publishing HQ

Book Publishing, Writing Services, Marketing Services

Advisor

CV Writing Services Ireland

CV writing, resume writing, cover letter writers, Linkedin Profile writer