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Fearful agnostic with religious pressure...?

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I'm in a bit of a position. My family and society are uber-religious- and it's not like they're Christians, whose members at least live in (generally) normal society. No, my family are such that they live in like a 'bubble' of orthodox life. Consequentially, I am confined (or at least, I appear to be) in same insulated bubble of my school, my family, my friends, etc. I've always had questions, though, and many just don't have answers. I'm not gonna lie, I have a brain, and it's not like I haven't looked for answers. I have. None have satisfied me. I think I settle well into the agnostic category- kind of maybe believing (read 'hoping') that God exists, but at the end of the day someone who admits to just not knowing with very real doubts. However, my religion isn't only internal or whatever. There's so many externalities involved- the way you dress, who you marry (and of course you MUST get married), what you do and where you go, what schools you go to... etc. And I love my family- I've always had trouble letting them down. I can't sum up the courage to (very obviously) leave my whole world- honestly, my WHOLE. WORLD- everyone I know, all the culture I've been raised in- and start by myself.

Add to this the nagging fear that God maybe possibly is out there and upset at me for what I' m doing. It doesn't bother me very much, as I don't believe that he would punish me for being me... but I may be wrong.

Although as of now leaving completely is impossible, because I'm still underage, this still worries me. One day, I've got to make a choice, and I'm scared my fears will get in the way of making a logical decision that works for me. I really don't wanna realize I wasted my life when I turn 80.. and that works both ways- leaving religion or falsely embracing it. My fear of losing is preventing me from moving.

Anyone have any advice???