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far away & with kids

My boyfriend who I have been seeing for the last for months lives about six hours away, and he has two kids. One is almost 2, the other is almost 5. He had been separated from his ex wife a couple times before, and is finally getting things finalized now that we’re together. It’s just a hard situation for me, with him just getting over a divorce (he left her, not for me, though), and with him having two kids getting over this hurdle also, and plus the fact that we live six hours apart. We are totally in love with each other though. He says he’s never felt this way about anyone before, and we have had more sex than he’s ever had with anyone else, combined. But how can this relationship be simplified, or made easier? Sometimes it’s just very stressful. Maybe someone else who’s been in a similar situation could help.

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Answer #1

Ok, I understand that what you answered, but the “we do plan on living together someday” is not a guarantee for anything. I have seen this type of plans that remaind plan for 15 or more years. And the 25 yo lady became 40 without anystepa forward. (And of course I saw fulfilled plans also). So, let me to repeat my opinion (and the advice of others): you do not know the details of that how he lives his life in the other town where you have never see anything about him, he never introduced you to anybody who belongs him in that life. He know your house, but you cannot see his house. Even this can be OK, if you also have a similar life in your environment that is independent of him, which life DO contains open opportunities for you. But if you reserve yourself only for him that is more than dangerous for you. That can be a trap. You can give yourself exclusively to him, when he gives himself to you exclusively. Further, in this situation I always advice that, but it is never accepted :)), the best thing that can happen is that if the two women know, talk and help each other. If they are more or less friends. If you initiate this, and your man objects it very strongly that is not a good sign. Good luck.

Answer #2

Till this man does not start to think of that how you two could live together, then till he does not make steps for this direction, you have to know that this is “just” a far away relationship. This is not bad, some people even like this, but this situation gives you the right of having an other life, independent of this man, which life is based on those people who are around you every day.

Answer #3

We do plan on living together someday. I told him that I won’t move in with him unless we get married someday. I don’t think that just because he’s not around me every day that our relationship should be any less important to me. Whether here or not, he’s always a huge part of my life, and I live every day for him. This is not “just” a far away relationship!

Answer #4

Well he sounds like a genuine guy, the fact that you havent mentioned that you are afraid he may still have feelings for his ex or that he may still be sleeping with her is great. It sounds like you are just having a hard time accepting the fact that he is far away and you have to share his attention with his kids, unfortunetly you cant do anything about this, as long as he shows you attention when he can and he hasnt given you any reason not to trust him then you just need to give him your faith and understanding, look at things from his point, he is trying to be there for both his kids and show you he loves you as well, he is prob doing the best he can, just be there and in time you may move closer once everything i finalised.

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