Do you like this poem?

its pretty good :)

MAYBE IF I WOULD HAVE SAID I meet your eyes you don’t even see me,I tap your shoulder you don’t even care, maybe if I decide to to go away then you would notice that I’m not there.

I agree with sethpatto in that the second part belittled the flow of the first part, if that’s what he meant. Maybe you could work on the wording of the latter. I would probably use the past-tense (met your eyes, tapped your shoulder) but that’s just a matter of opinion. Either way sounds great! A lot of potential there, I think.

thx for the criticizm but yeah I agree I really don’t like that part.and I’ve won contests but not for poetry. and I really don’t put my poetry up but I will try to put a better piece up like soon so I guess just look for my name..

honestly I dont like it especially the “off myself “ part it doesn’t sound right.. I write all the time I’ve won contests for poetry and song lyrics, not trying to sound mean or brag but I know my stuff.. and what you wrote seems novice

I like it!

but… I’m not sure if I would use the term “off myself” To me it belittles the situation and just suck all the sincerity and emotion from the piece.

other than that it would be a great, truly heart jerking piece that a lot of people could really connect with.

great job mate!

yea thx:)

thx guys:)