How can my dad dare try and be a father figure to me?

Wow, what a sad story, but I am not sure you really want sympathy do ya?! You want answers right?! Well the fact of the matter is you are right, he is a sob for treating you the way he has, but so is ur mom for dumping you onto him, when he has been a drunk, where is the responsibility in that, that is right there is none. Having your sister toughen you up, what is this the year of Tarzan meets the wilderness, I mean ffs(for f**k sake)

Truth of the matter is yes you have been through hell, and yes you do deserve better, but you are 17 my dear, still considered a minor no matter how you look at it.

You can decide this…

1. have a long talk with him explaining how you feel in a letter or face to face in a nice calm diplomatic fashion & hope that he understands how you feel about him & explain to him that if he ever wants some sort of relationship with you other then do as your told bcz I said so kind of thing or wind up loosing you forever. Remember my dear, one day you will find urself a partner, move on & your father/mother & all will be on their own & you will wind up alone with your partner..no family gatherings, no holidays, no family vacations, no sweet memories to take with you into your own family when the time comes. So, rain or shine, it’s up to you to make the change.

2. If you cant do it on ur own ask for help! There are many workshops that specialize in family issues. His drinking, her abandonment, ur sister’s physical abuse. It’s all really uncalled for…perhaps there are many issues that need to be uncovered like why he has spent his life drinking in the first place! Have you ever tried to sit with him, not yell at him & ask why he has been drinking in the first place?

A way to actually begin a healing process is identifying the reason behind it. Accepting it for what for what it is & trying to fix it. No it is not to be taken lightly nor should anyone take things for granted because one day when your family is gone, & you cant talk to them, that is when you will kick urself for not doing it when u had the chance!

Do yourself a favor now, try to fix it using ur amazing skills. You have managed to overcome so many obstacles & must realize how brave you are. I dont kow what I would have done had I been in your shoes. Be proud of all of your accomplishments. If at first you dont succeed, try try again. Dont give up…it’s nev too late for people to change & you would be surprised at the 180 some parents do for the sake of their kids. Also remember, in anger, we all say things we dont really mean, learn to forgive & hopefully some day forget.

Hope this helps.

Well yeah, he does not have a very sopporting past to tell you what to do, and to show you how things are done. But, your 17 and there is not much you can do he can tell you what to do, no matter what because he is your dad at the end. Unless you want to get some kind of help so you can get out of there? If not then you can wait till you are 18, as you said there is not much time left, and you will be able to be on your own then, and leave it all behind, find your own place, go to college without problems and everything.

Dads are complicated creatures not ready for the role when it arrives. They do their best and in some cases (like yours) it just isn’t good enough. You seem self sufficient and ready to conquer the world without this man. That said, dads don’t stick around forever and often exit the stage before you properly discover who they are. I recommend ignoring and fatherly advice or demands he places on you, but spend time to know this man, what makes him tick, what was he like before dating your mum and you may find that you aren’t too dissimilar than he was and had a few things in life gone differently, this guy who is your dad could have been a great father.

was there a big gap in your life he wasnt there?

Well I guess he was there, but if I ask him a simple question about a memory we shared, he was too drunk to remember, he’s off the booze now, nd he’s worse, he owes me a childhood I can be at least happy about. I’ve lived with him my whole life nd he use to forget when my birthday was.

thank you everyone, you’ve all been very insightful. :) xxx

im sorry for the late reply. From what i understand, you guys are still living together..well with what i think is best is to not give up on socializing with him. Even if its like a “hey dad, whats up hows your day going?” just showing that your not giving up & your always making an effort to mend things, its guarantee to not leave you feeling like you didnt try.

Honestly, im in the same situation as you are..except i dont know who my real dad is & my step dad who i thought was my biological dad this whole time….wasnt going to tell me the truth til i graduated, & i found out when i was 16 & im almost 21 this weekend…& ever since i found out, our relationship has been really rocky, but i still make the effort to make things mutual with us no matter what differences we may have.