Controlling Boyfriend or is it my fault?

Ok…I was dating this guy, we will call him Mike. When we first met everything was amazing…he took me out $200-$300 dinners everyweekend…went out dancing…always around eachother, Could never get enough of meI noticed SOME jelousy in him soon in, didnt like me talking to my ex boyfriend it made him uncomfortable so I stopped talking to him, no big deal I would have felt the same way too…but About a month a month & a 1/2 we told eachother we loved eachother. What I forgot to say is when we first met I worked at a Resturaunt/Bar where I picked up some really bad habbits. I had a cocaine habit for over a year while working there. He asked me to quit because… I was honest with him in the beginning and told him what I did. Well I quit…for about a week…then started again…later about a week or two down the road, he was always suspicious that I was high..I was but I always denied it.. then one night told me that all my co-workers ratted me out, so I had no choice but to tell him the truth, come to find out they really didnt say anything at all…he used reverse pshycology on me… After that it all went down hill. He broke up with me said I couldnt be trusted… The night he broke up with me I lost it, I lost my head…he was the best thing to ever happen to me. Amazing Job…Great looking, sweet, caring…sex was great…all of it ya know. But I got upset and ended up going out to the bar…I dont remember much but I brought some guy home and slept with him. I had NO INTENTIONS whatsoever of doing that, biggest mistake…I was mess at the bar…and honestly I was vunerable and this jerk took full advantage of me…(very disappointed in myself) That night mike came back to make up with me…seen the other guys car and heard our voices in the bedroom supposedly…later to find out my lil brother is the one that told him that I brought this guy home. He asked if I slept with him…and I lied AGAIN..I said no…because I didnt want to loose him…and I really didnt mean to sleep with that other guy… anyways to make this short…as I possibly can…We got back together and tried to work it out…now the fun part…his job requires him to stay 2 1/2 hours away from me…I have a major trust issue…maybe because of my own habbits I dont know, but he started to always ask where I was, who I was with… later he told me he wouldnt be with me unless I quit my job, so I did (which in a sense was good to get me away from the drugs) I did quit cocaine… then he didnt want me to talk to any of my friends because they did drugs too. So I stopped talking to all of them… Finding a new job was hard but I got one and its a good one… the relationship went crazy after that… One weekend he said he went to camp with his roomate…just them 2 boys…no girls, well weeks later I find out one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen was up there all weekend with him. Then he tries to tell me that he told me she was there, but I know I wouldnt forget anything like that. And on top of that he gave me the silent treatment all weeked because he wanted “space” Said he would call Sunday never did, I called every hospital and police station worried sick about him, literally didnt sleep for 3 days straight…(and he got every single one of my txt mess and voicemails and still didnt even tell me he was ok.,) so we get in a big fight a couple weeks later, supposedly I left him a voicemail and some guy was talking in the background. I dont remember this at all…AT ALL! Hangs up on me…I flip and call him back and yell at him telling him he is being rediculous cause he knows what I do every second of the day. SILENT TREATMENT again this time 2 ENTIRE WEEKS!!! Week 2 I find out Im pregnant (def his becaue I got the morning after pill after my one night nitemare) I send him a txt and leave a mess for him, still ignores me for a week, finallty calls me after another week, and we talk he says he wants nothing more then to have children with me but we aint ready and I agreed, so we aborded. :( Soo…I do the medical abortion…Sit home alone in pain bleeding for hours, he stays on the phobne with me cause again he has to work. He stays there all week… says he will be home on the weekend… Comes home and doesnt even stay with me!!! I mean I was really upset about this abortion, I didnt think it would bother me that much till it was happening… anyhow… Im not innocent…I did sleep with another person and everytime we broke up I would do it again not meaning to, I just wanted to go out and drink to not think about it and I would end up crying at the bar, some nice guy would let me cry on his shoulder and then buy me more drinks and the next thing I know I wake up somewhere naked and have no idea what happened…I hate myself for this I love “Mike” so much. Someone that I thought was my friend decided to tell him about the last one (no mind you we were broken up all 3 times I went home w/ someone) so I spilled…I told him the truth about everything all 3 of the guys, and he says I cheated on him. But I wasnt with him ya know? So now we are Friends…but the rule is if we want sex we only go to eachother…he says he dont want to be my boyfriend but dont want no one else to be with me. I am truly sorry for what I did…and he said the only way I can make it up to him is if I keep doing good at this new job and stay clean and get back to school. And I am doing all this… now the controlling part I think he is… Im not allowed to ask him about any phone calls, but he can ask me, I cant be “girlfriendie…” Hes not my boyfriend and he constantly reminds me of that… all my friends and family say he is controlling, well the friends I use to have and whats left of my family I can talk to.
He goes through my phone…but I cant look at his. He told me the other night that I cant do good without him. That I cant do any of this on my own…I need him. If it wasnt for him I wouldnt be where I am. He will say something and when I repeat it he says he didnt say it… or he tells me I said something…and I KNOW I didnt…but he says I just dont remember and I start to think that I cant remember. I am afraid to say certain things to him because then he will give me the silent treatment again…and my whole world will crash. Just when I think things are going really good he will bring up the past and what I have done…its all my fault all this happend… tells me that I am selfish, when I really think it is him that is being selfish…twists my words sometimes turning what I said against me… tells me he knows me better then I know myself. If I point or try to call him out on something…he says I am overreacting…when I really dont think I am because if it was vica versa he wouldnt be ya know? From the beginning of our relationship he wanted to know EVERYTHING about my past, and I didnt want him to know because I have made mistakes I am not proud of. I lied to him about the drugs because I was ashamed of doing them, I didnt want anyone to know. I really did change I stopped doing drugs…I quit my job for him…stopped talking to the people he said only use me… and when I slept with someone else we were not together and I thought he was messing around with someone anyways, I mean why would he ignore me for 3 weeks LITERALLY not a word. Even to this day he still questions me…about everything, throws it in my face that I CHEATED on him… swears he wasnt with and e one. I cant change it…whats done is done… is he this way because I lost his trust…or is he controling. Now I give him my paycheck from work he is helping me to learn how to manage my money I get an allowence everyweek now. Which I find nothing wrong with it. He still calls me Moma, when we stay together its so perfect, its like I know he loves me but the next day he tells me “No lovey dovey stuff!” But all night he tells me he loves me hugs me kisses me, calls me “HIS”! He says “Mine!” And I promise I am all his but he says he is not mine. I messed it up. Im just so damn confused…people say he is controlling me and when I tell him that he says he is just trying to help me…he paid my rent for a couple months when I didnt have a job, bought me new clothes for work…I mean he is helping me…a lot and I couldnt have done this without him. I stayed at his house this weekend but I had to stay quite cause his roomate says im not allowed there…they dont like me cause of what I did to him. I cant even take pics of him now…and he use to love taken pics with me. He tells me he loves me sometimes… HELP I dont know what to do and im just rambling please advice is a must here…what do I do.

Answer #1

he has a hold on you, that is going to be hard to break. and that hold isnt good at all. you need to break away. your a big girl, you can handle your own money.

the only reason he says he loves you while your “together” is because hes getting sex. I know guys like that. and if everything your saying is true, hes bad news.

he isnt your boyfriend, and your just his toy. I think you can do better then some jerk. really, I do.

please message me if you ever need anything, I will always give advice to the best of my ability.

good luck with everything, hope it all works out.

Answer #2

Well, I got 3/4s of the way through and I understand it. In a way he is helping you but he is Waaay to controlling. So here is what you do. Keep on the current track because it is good but dump him. If he cant let you live your life the way you feel comfortable then he really doesnt love you.

Answer #3

okay I only read about half of this thing but my advice is leave “mike” alone!! he aint worth all the drama your going through and even if you did have a bad hbit you can so get over that without his help because obviously he aint helping out with nothing exceopt for causing stress!! so leave him you dont need him your much better than that!! be independent you dont need a man in your life to make you happy!! that is until you find your soul mate and you will no when you find him!! this mike guy is not!!!

Answer #4

he is very controlings signs are wanted to know everything what you do where you are and adout everything of your life.controling who you talk to always wanting to be around you putting you down twisting things also people who are controling will try to stop you going out and make you feel like you cant live without them. also can become violent and could hit or hurt you. it would not be good to have him as a boyfriend it will only get worse with time its very hard for them to change goodluck

Answer #5

tis I waaay to long !!

Answer #6

if it was shorter I would read it

Answer #7

Please set it straight. Give him two options as a test. 1. Be with me, as your girl friend and not your ‘friend with bennifits’. 2. Let me go, give me back all my money and let me leave. He is using you. Have you ever heard of emotional abuse. He’s making you believe that you are worthless and that you need him so that you’ll be around for him to control you and to be his toy whenever he wants. IT ABUSE! I know im only 16 but the only other man that my mother was with (before my dad) was Physically and emotionally abusive. He did everything that ‘Mike’ is doing. He made her feel that she was nothing without him, that no other man would ever love her, that she lucky to be with him. When in reality you and my mother could get along without them. After many many years (I think over 7) she finnaly realized how abusive and wrong he was and she left him, she says it was the best thing she ever did. Only to later meet my dad, who treated her like she deserved to be treated.
As I said with the two options. If he chooses to be with you, tell him that he has to let go of some of the control. He has to start trusting you. He doesn’t have to check on you where ever you go, you can volentarily check in with him. Don’t let him go through your phone… tell him these conditions and don’t settle for anything less…I very very highly doubt he will go for these, so your only left with option 2. (the point of option one is really for yourself to see how lil freedom he gives you, how he controlling you to the point of abuse)… Please get away from him. Please I beg of you. Everytime me and mother talk about her abusing past ralationship I can see the pain in her eyes, the regret of how much of her life she wasted on him. As for being greatful for some of the things hes helped you with. Thats good but if it wasn’t going to be him, someone else, probably better would have come along and put you on track. You don’t owe him anything. Leave him! I hope I helped, even in the slightest. Need more help with this or anything, feel free to Fun Mail Me. I know im only 16 but I’ve been through and seen more than the average teenager. One more thing. I give you a major pat on the back. I’ve seen what cocain does after prolonged use. To watch someone you love so dearly (my father) destroy themselves to the brink of death is horrifing, and you escaped this early. I know it was extremly hard to get back on track, but please stay clean! <3Marilyn

Answer #8

Your both nuts!! Stop Lying and he might treat you better! He is controlling and needs to back off. Sounds like you are destructive together so maybe you shouldn’t be together.

Answer #9

Leave now, I went threw the same thing 11 years ago, I cheated and lied very regretfully!! But I became a great strong woman from it,11 years on and 100% innocent and three kids later the control couldnt be any worse, now is the time to leave before it involves children it becomes so much harder almost impossible, you did make a mistake, but he hasn’t forgave you and believe me he never will, it might be love but it’s time to move on, which I’m hoping you have by now…

Answer #10 the whole thing. You’re right: what’s done is done. My opinion:he is kinda controliing. Hey, dont get caught up in a mess with him. He’s trouble. If he doesn’t speak to you, fine, he’s being immature anyway

Answer #11

it was way too long. lol I didn’t even read the first sentence!! shorten it up and maybe your get more answers… lol :)

Answer #12

don’t be stupid you are playing with fire I went thru the same thing. Yeah he wants you to be only his but he wants to go out and do whatver he wants still. He is controlling but in a bad way,he wants the whole cake and eat it 2 you better put this guy in check and make him realize he thinks he everything to you no he KNOWS he is and is using it against you he knows your on his balls basically and can do whatever he wants its bad and I bet hes lying about the roommate knowing and don’t want you there he wants you to be quiet so his roommates don’t know about him sleeping with a lot of different females prob THINK about it,don’t be stupid and be quiet gtell him if his roommates have a problem with you then they can come talk to you and you guys are trying to work it out yeah everyone makes mistakes,hes using your own stuff against you but in a bad way TRSUT ME I been thru this HES CHEATING he just doesnt get caught and he kknows he wont

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