What should I do about brother issues?

I’ve been dating a guy for almost 5 years. About 2 years ago i started writing to his brother (at his request, his brother is in prison). Well, long story short, there are some jealousy issues now. The one i’m dating sneaks around and reads the letters if they’re not put away somewhere. And the other one is always telling me things like “he doesn’t deserve you,” and there was one time he was upset with his brother (the one i’m dating) and said “he’s lucky i haven’t taken you from him.” Recently he’s said things like “you’re too good to me, he better keep on his toes.” The bad thing is, the more letters and phone calls i get, the closer i get to the brother, and the more defensive i get of him. It irks me that the whole family seems to just pretend he’s dead. The one i’m dating doesn’t even write to him. We have so much in common, as he puts it, we’re “like-minded.” I think we’re falling for each other. How can i stop this without stopping contact with him? He’s told me that I give him hope. He’s alone, he’s to be in prison for quite a few more years, and i’m afraid that if i stop accepting his calls or letters, then he’s going to give up all hope of ever getting out (which is what i’m helping him work toward). And a man with no hope will just lay down and die. He was on the verge when i started writing him. Any suggestions?

Answer #1

do u like him? like love like him or as friends like? if its friends like tell him that. it might hurt alittle but tell him u can be great friends. if its like u love him i dont have the answer im sorry.

Answer #2

yeah, that’s kind of where my problem lies. Unfortunately I think I’m falling for him, and I think he’s falling for me. I know it would never work, and that would be a horrible thing to do since they’re brothers. So, I just need to figure out how to stop myself from falling if that makes sense lol

Answer #3

Sounds to me like the guy you’re dating is being very selfish. If you’re contacting his brother, which is something he should be doing anyway, and the brother needs someone to talk to, your boyfriend should have no problem with that. It sounds like the two of them might have some previous issues, and as a result they’ve grown apart (not really a good way to end). By writing to the brother you’re inevitably bringing him back into your boyfriend’s life, which he clearly doesn’t like. However, the ultimate reason for this whole problem is that these two brothers have a terrible relationship, and you’re stuck in the middle. The solution would pretty much have to be mending their relationship, which i really don’t know how you would do. You can’t remain friends with two people who won’t talk to each other, because in this case it’s always gonna keep coming back. :/ (i hope I didn’t misunderstand your story)

Answer #4

I don’t think you misunderstood.. and i’ve been kind of keeping the brother out of conversation.. instead of mentioning “hey, talked to your brother yesturday” i just avoid the topic.. so it’s almost secretive writing and calls (because i can’t abandon him, he has no-one) the real problem is me though lol.. i’m falling for the brother and am trying to figure out how make myself not do it :)

Answer #5

I would find a friend that would maybe like to write him. and hope for the best. just tell her all the things that you know he likes and dislikes to give her a headstart. that way you can be with the guy you are with. be happy and so can the brother :D

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