What do I do about my boyfriends mum who hates me?

Confront her and ask her why doesnt she like you.. if that doesnt go well then try to ignore her .. but dnt let her keep disrespecting u.

She’s being controlling out of fear, I think…Fear that your boyfiend won’t want to leave and go to school, fear that he won’t check out the world before he settles down, fear that he’ll get tied down before he is truly ready. Is she going about things the right way…NO! I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t like you, per se….I think that fear has over ridden her common sense. My only advice is keep on doing what you’re doing…if this relationship works out for the long run, she will accept you eventually.

ask her why she hates you so much. tell her if she loves her son and she wants what’s best for him then she should work on accepting the people HE loves… she should at least try to understand that he can’t and won’t let you go cuz you guys are in love…she seems like she has serious problems… and hey! always be on your bf’s side :) cheer him up whenever she ruins his mood and breaks his heart … :) hope i helped and i really hope things work out great with ya :)

ok, no offense here anyone…I explained this issue on a previous post a few weeks ago…wish I could remember what post it was but I will try to type it again…:(

My personal case… When I met my ex-husband his parents didnt like me…his mother in particular treated me like crap, talked about me behind my back & her father(my ex-s grandfather) hated the sight of me…all for no good reason. I was polite, I brought a huge bouquet of flowers over for the family lunch I was invited to…I helped with setting the table & clearing the table…offered to help with the dishes…was turned down but that is fine. I was invited for my ex’s birthday & at the end of the party he was supposed to take me home and spend the night because it was really late but instead right in front of me she said to him: “You Do understand that you you’re coming right back here after you take her home!” and then they got into it…(I felt so uncomfortable that she did that right in front of my face!)
You see, you arent the only one…some mother;s just dont like their son’s girlfriend…could be because of how she dresses…or just the way she talks…even with me being polite, always helping out & even taking the time to play with his little sister wasnt good enough his mother! She wanted to show me that she was the controller of him & I shut my mouth & said I know your mother doesnt care too much for me, I dont know why but if it happens again I will not step foot in your house again! I told him, we have been dating for a long time…4 months back then…I tried being nice, while I was on a vacation, I got everyone some gifts not because I had to but because i wanted to…it was just a nice gesture that is all…I got his the brother 2 original Tommy Hilfiger t-shirts wasnt cheap…60 dollars…for the little sister I all kinds of small things like hair barrets/pins/ those tiny butterfly clips & small sticker ear rings…and for his mother I got a make up set in a beautiful case…from Jennifer cosmetics —>something like this only a bit smaller in size http://funadvice.com/r/3k9n6bj4oe

When I came back for a visit & gave them all the gifts…his mother said: “thank you for all the gifts but you cant buy people’s love or respect by showering them with gifts!!!” I just wanted to cry right there & then…how dare she say that…I was abroad…I was shopping for myself…and had my boyfriend & his family on my mind & she had the nerve to say all that sh!t to me…what an ungrateful b!tch!!!

I asked my ex to take me home explained how sh!tty that was of her to say those things to me…told him that she didnt know how to appreciate the goodness of my heart & told him that if he didnt have a backbone to tell her off that I reused to step foot in their house!

I didnt want to be in the middle of this BS but apparently they would not allow him to use the car if he wanted to visit me…and would make his life a living hell.. months later i said just move in with me in my parents house….I have the entire basement with a shower, kitchenette & living room plus an entire bedroom that we can use as a computer room…it will be awesome…since he was going to the army anyways…and would only be there once in 2 weeks for the weekend…I spoke to my parents about it, they were p!ssed at first but agreed and so it was!

we cut off ties…because they just wouldnt try to see it from our side…we wanted to be together, they couldnt stop it so they tried to ruin it…even on our wedding day…leading up to it..his father tried to break us up using my father while discussing it in a 3 hour conversation at the mall over coffee….man to man sort of speak!

I guess I was stupid, I should have seen all the signs pointing against this marriage but I tried…I did everything I could…but no matter what I was always to be blamed…

You see my dear…if it meant to be then it will go smoothly…and if it doesnt then it isnt meant to be…forcing it to happen will only wind up hurting you one day when you least expect it…so dont rush into it…we moved in after being together for almost a year…like 10-11 months and after we were together for a year & a half he popped the question after talking to my first…life is full of surprises some for the good some wind up bad…I think if your bf doesnt have a backbone, you have to tell him to do things & say things for him to step up & be a man, then it just isnt worth it to him enough & you have to find someone that is willing to be a man & step up to the plate & fight for his right to be a man..even if it means looking his mother in the eyes & telling her to either accept you so she can gain a daughter or not accept you & lose her son!!! If she refuses to see it…then he has to make a decision…her or you! a future with his mommy or a future with his girlfriend…just my 2 cents on the matter!

Here’s the hard truth - she may never like or accept you. My hubby’s mother hates me, for no other reason than I stole her son from her (which I never did - big boys decide for themselves). She’s obviously threatened by you and afraid of losing her son. What she doesn’t realize is that her behaviour will push him away in the long run. It’s tough right now, because you are both so young, but eventually your boyfriend will have to make a choice..if his mother can’t accept the girl he’s with, does he abandon his mother, or does he abandon you? My hubby chose me, and he broke ties with his mother because of it…it was a tough choice, but his rule is stick by the one you love. You’ll never change her attitude towards you, and you may never understand it, but it doesn’t have to get in the way of your happiness.

Thankyou :)

I think that your right with this one hear. It’s very frustrating, because.. I do like her. And I love him. He’s awesome. He always says that he is so affraid I am going to leave him because of it all, and I have to reassure him that it’s not going to happen, and I’m not going anywhere. Thankyou <3

I would hate for him to have to choose.. but I feel as if she is going to make him I would never make him do that. It’s his mother. I wouldn’t do that ever! And it upsets me that she thinks I would. I just want to get along. I understand what you mean about the presents. I make jewellery, and for christmas I made her a beautiful charm keyring that goes on your handbag, filled with purple (her favourite color) beads and charms that I searched for ages to find. I put it all together and wrapped it really nicely along with a box of chocolates. She looked at it and goes “i used to make jewellery when I was younger, and I wouldn’t have made this like this. But thanks anyway ash. its. nice.” i wanted to cry i had spent ages on it and she crushed me.

I try to always reassure him that everythings fne and the world may not be perfect but adleast we are :P He often gets affraid that I am going to leave him because of all the drama/

Thankyou, this is good advice. it helps me alot :)

Its funny though because before I met him he used to live his life on his ps3 (like, he still does) but he didn’t want to travel and get out and see the world. We think of eachother as best friends who hold hands and kiss and whatever.. more then actually a couple, because we get along so well. We want to travel and everything. Thats whats scaring her, because she’s been so used to him wanting to stay home all the time.

Honestly these people saying to confront her are right. It might not help the situation, but you WILL feel better about it. My ex’s mom would tell me about my “emotional issues” all the time that I had no idea I had. Most of the time its just that another woman is taking their baby boy away from them and they don’t like it. Sounds like she’s very opinionated. If confronting her about it doesn’t help, learn to laugh at her, it will help. You know who you are and so does your boyfriend. Her opinion doesn’t matter enough to end your relationship unless he really is that much of a mommy’s boy. Good luck!

I know that feeling…it’s when you want to bury yourself for being put on the spot like that & after trying your damnedest to be kind & generous & they just say stuff like that! (so inconsiderate…like my own mother) when we were once visiting my aunts house my mother saw a lady that had the initial “s” as a charm on her necklace, she said I always wanted one like that…a big “s”! Every time my mother would say something like I always had to get it for her…it was almost her birthday anyways…so I fig k!ll 2 birds with 1 stone…make her happy…I went with my cousin to the city(Manhattan) got her a 14 carat gold charm with diamond cuts on it…to make it more unique & special because I couldnt afford diamonds!(it costed me 200 dollars!) why did I buy her it, because she always said No one ever buys me something nice…but when people do all she says is: “You are crazy, why did you spend so much money…then says thank you! because she said she never gets anything (total lie) this is the size it was…only the one \i got her also had diamond cuts on it…http://funadvice.com/r/3k9o5nn9o5 You think she ever wears it? Not! She did in the beginning to let me know here she wears it…but then she stopped & took it off keeps it in her closet!

Look honey, there is going to be a time, where he is going to have to make a decision, because she will not give in to show that she has power & what she says goes…unless he stands up & grows some “huevos” as we say it(some backbone) stands up for his right to choose you both but if she wont allow that & makes him choose she will make the biggest mistake of her life…because she will lose her son & the daughter in law she may gain someday…you see even at the wedding my ex mother in law tried to sabotage the wedding by canceling out table…(the bride & grooms table) she gave him an ultimatium & said if you dont wear the suit \i got you then I am not coming to the wedding…and while I was at the salon getting my hair & make up before the wedding he told me this & I couldnt stop crying…so the lady had to redo my eyes like 3x before she said your are going to have puffy eyes if you dont stop crying…it ruined the pictures too…in every picture I had this sad puppy eyes once again I should have seen all the signs but didnt…If you feel it’s too much…that this relationship you are in isnt one you want to spend the rest of you life with then break it off…dont force it….might just be a hidden sign like with me… hope you learn from my mistakes!

Well then reassure him that you’ll never leave him no matter what. and tell him that when you love someone you gotta take the good and the bad .. :)