Boyfriend Still Admits to Loving His Ex

I’ve been in an online relationship with a man for 6 months now. It’s not really a traditional relationship because it’s based on D/s (domination/submission). But it is serious and involving the long-term. I love him deeply, but just recently I’ve found out he’s still in love with his ex-girlfriend, whom he was with for 2 years. She broke up with him a little over a year ago after she had sex with someone else.

I’ve noticed that he’s never really been affectionate or sexual with me, though he says he cares about me a lot and would miss me if I were gone. He’s never said he loves me. I assumed the lack of affection, etc. was due to the fact that he’s very quiet and reserved. I thought perhaps he was just hesitant to express his emotions. Now, after he has admitted to me he still loves her, I think that’s the reason he never has been affectionate with me. And I think perhaps he got involved with me in the first place in an effort to try to forget her, which apparently hasn’t worked. :(

I don’t know what to do. I love him so much. He says he knows he will never get back together with her, yet he still loves her. He’s told me that their relationship was so special and that he could write a book about it, yet he never shares anything that happened between them. I’m completely in the dark here. And I feel like a cheap replacement…like I’m trying to live up to something that’s an impossibility. My self-esteem is low already, and now I feel inferior to a woman I’ve never even met.

All my life I’ve felt second-best…never being truly special to any man. I thought our relationship was very special and I love him, and it hurts so badly to think that he doesn’t feel the same and that I’m just not good enough. Will he ever be able to get past her and to love me? Will it just take more time? Should I end it with him?