why did no one tell me that my birth dad only lived 20 min away befor he committed suicide 2 years ago?

I don’t know the situation you’re in right now, but I do know several people whose mother did not tell them who their dads were, or where they were, mainly because she was a big partier and wasn’t very selective about who she let get her pregnant.

Eventually as her kids grew up she started to tell them, but only after they demanded to know…

I’m not saying she was right, but she was trying to protect them from trying to have a relationship with someone that could influence them in a negative way. I don’t know what his case was, but in this case, one guy was in jail, another lived in his mother’s basement doing drugs all day, another disappeared and never came back and the last had no desire to have a relationship with his children whatsoever.

The sad truth is that if your dad lived only 20 minutes away from you, don’t you find it odd that he never came and spoke with you?

That makes me feel like shit to say to you, but its the truth. People that kill themselves are very selfish people. They choose the easy way out and abandon everyone that ever loved them. He surely knew about you and likely knew where you lived, but never made the effort to meet you.

I don’t think you missed much and though you’re probably mad at whomever knew and didn’t tell you, I’m willing to bet they didn’t tell you about it because they didn’t want him to bring you down to.

Its definitely not your fault he killed himself. There was no way you could have known who he was or where he lived.

Allow yourself to mourn the loss of him, as strange as it is to realize you never knew him. Write him a letter, go to his grave and lay it there. Treat it as though you knew him and don’t be afraid to go talk to him at his grave whenever you feel like it.

See if you can meet a few people that knew him well and find out what he was like. You can chase down the reason he never bothered to come see you, but sweetie, its not going to free you of anything. Accept that if he HAD actually come to meet you, he would have liked you, probably a whole lot, and just move forward from there.

I don’t know what you believe, but I don’t believe anyone ever truly dies. I believe that if I want to speak to someone that isn’t physically there, then all I have to do is speak and they will hear me. That may seem child-like and even trivial, but try it and see if it helps.

I’m sorry this happened to you…