Home More advice Parents & Family
Hello, First of all thank you for taking the time to read...
I know you can’t provide much advice as you Don’t know me personally but anything you can provide Is greatly appreciated.
I currently work full time in the City. Get up at 6am, get ready, catch the train, and get into work by 8am. I have been with the same organisation for about 7-8 'fun' years. It feels as though my time is up here. Like mentally tired of the people and bored with the work. I have experienced allot of ups and downs within this organisation with people and work.
The only thing, throughout my time here I have found the managers never really support you. One manager will tell you to do something one way, another one will tell you to do it another way. Then when you explain that you did it they way the other manager asked you, the other Manager will not say he did. The managers will just let you fry in the hot seat then make smarty pants smart ass comments. I just tired of the bull crap. They are always smartasses but I think if I leave this job my family will be disappointed in me.
I do not want to bring disappointment to anyone - especially mum (who I live with)! I just want to be happy. I mean, I would love to get a job closer to home, but I know I won’t get the same pay as I do now. (As long as I save on travel expenses! It should even out)
Anyhow, my dad lives in another suburb to me and I go to visit him weekly. He is a full time glazier and is about 63 years old. I asked him what I should do and he said that if I am unhappy, and can get a job closer to home to do it. (I just wish it was that simple.)
He also was drinking (can be heavy drinker) and eventually got emotional (but that’s another story for later on) He asked me if I was going to look after him when he is old. I always say that he is already old! (As a joke)
He basically said he cannot keep up with life as well, with a full time work, shopping, cleaning up the house garden, cleaning pool etc (He lives by himself) I said I was happy to help out whenever he needs. Just to give me a call. But I think he was leaning more on living with him and helping him out.
Anyway time passes, he sank a few more beers, we had a chat about life and that was it. Ok, here comes the emotional drunk bit….as I went to leave he said he cannot put up with life and that doesn't want to be around for much longer. That ruins me, because I have not really spent much of my adult life with him. He then said he was suicidal. "I don't want to live" He cries at me. He then said never to put him in a nursing home ever! I said I promise I wouldn't. (At least this indicated to me he was going to commit suicide straight away)
But I am still worried.
Now WTF do I do? Do I quit my job spend more time with Dad before 'his' time is up and help him out around the house? Possibly find a part time job locally? I don't really know if the suicidal thing was a mind game he was playing. I just want everyone to be happy.
Any advice at all, anything is great. Thanks for your time once again.
Regards, Mr E
Gosh. I'm very sorry that you're in this kind of a position; it must be extremely difficult. Through it all, make sure that you're taking care of yourself as well. You do deserve to be happy, and you do deserve to be and do what makes you feel best. And, well, you can't help others unless you're okay too. Right?
Now, with that said.. your job. If you're not really happy there, is (are) there any other place(s) you'd be interested in working at? If so, I really think that you should submit a resume there. I get your point about not wanting to disappoint anyone, I really do, but you really need to do what would be for the best for you in the long run. Being at a job that makes you feel miserable won't do you any favors. Stress can cause a mess.
As for your dad, it seems like he's feeling very overwhelmed and possibly depressed due to things. Does he have people visit him a lot, or is he alone a lot? It could be that he's feeling lonely.. I'm not too sure what all of the reasons are, since I'm not a medical professional and don't know him, but it seems to me like he does need help. If not just a little around the house, but also someone to talk to. I don't think, though, that you should quit work entirely to take care of him. This probably sounds wrong, but you still do need to earn money for your living.
Anyways, in all, I think that he needs to work on things. For one, he needs to try to drink less. (I know that for some, alcohol intensifies emotions. So if he's stressed, the alcohol probably doesn't help.) I think that talking to a doctor and/or a counselor may benefit him as well, since it seems like there's more to this. Try talking to your dad about it to see if you can get him to get help with it all. If he's not willing to, I agree with talking to a doctor about it or someone else who can help him. If any any point you think he's in immediate danger, call the emergency number to get him direct help. (911?)
It will be tough, but I think that it's wonderful that you really want to help everyone. Just always remember to be good to yourself, too.
I am not an expert, but perhaps you could let your father's doctor know how your Dad is depressed. Or if he doesn't have a doctor, perhaps he could see one. Just for general health, and you could let that doctor know that your Dad has "been feeling sort of depressed". And as a second (and minor) point, would your Dad consider moving into a smaller place that didn't have maintenance issues? If you feel that he is really suicidal you need to alert his doctor.
Give him Hydrogen Cyanide, Make him inhale it, It will make things all better
