How do I decide between my ex of 4 years and my new relationship of 4 weeks?

We (my ex and I) had planned for a year, to see each other for Holiday, but I met someone a few weeks ago…and now I am confused. I have to tell my ex my decision tonight but every time I think of it, I feel like my chest is being crushed and my stomach starts to turn. If I say yes to my ex, I’d have to leave this new relationship behind…I don’t want to do that, but …The weight of 4 years of knowing my ex is a big influence. Rather of my 4 week relationship that I am currently in now…I don’t know what to do?

Answer #1

Well look at it this way, there’s something that you want to do, and there is something you are pressured to do. Just look at how you worded your question :)

Hopefully that should clarify what you really should do. I’d hate to actually tell you what to do so I trust that you know what’s best for yourself.

Answer #2

I’m thinking of what is best for them… And I don’t know what that is without hurting either, I care for both of them…which is why it must be so difficult.

Answer #3

Well see that’s not approaching this situation right. I understand that you don’t want to hurt them but that’s just a decided outcome already, you however, get to choose who gets hurt and who doesn’t. It’s not an easy choice to make but it’s about respecting them enough to be honest with them. Ultimately, however, they both are interested in you so you can’t base it off of what they want because what they want is probably you and there’s only one of you. It’s a selfish choice to make.

Answer #4

I keep imagining that we could all be friends but that’s so naive. . . I think I liked it better when my parents made decisions for me. You know, it’s funny…I never thought it be my choice to decide. My ex has only been the one to take charge. Suddenly it’s my turn.

Answer #5

Tell neither at this time…..proceed cautiously….evaluate….see what develops

Answer #6

I liked it better when they made the choices too. But eventually, you have to step up to the plate too. This may seem a little misplaced considering you may hurt someone a lot but I have faith that you’ll do what’s right and whatever you choose is what’s right for you.

Answer #7

Did you ever watch Pocahontas? I feel like her right now >.<

Answer #8

I did but I don’t remember it all too well :/ But tell you what, I’ll watch it for you :) Sometime soon when I’m not busy analyzing tons of poem for an English class :P

Answer #9

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Answer #10

Tread Cauteously, Like a Comet in d sky

Answer #11

MightyMig put it perfectly, the language you use seems to answer this question. However, I would like to add that you need to think about yourself. We do not seek relationships with people or do things for people ‘just to make them happy’ as a general rule. We seek people who make us happy as well, and so it would be healthy for you to consider what you want.

It is not necessarily naive to think you can be friends with an ex-partner either. We fall for them because we like what we see in them, and so I’d say it’s perfectly reasonable to settle for friendship. Speaking from experience, it is awkward for a few months because it is hard to forget everything you did with that person and you still feel closer to them than you should, but this fades and gets easier over time. Would going on a holiday with your ex-partner ‘necessarily’ lead to the end of your new relationship? Would you be tempted to be unfaithful? If not, you could discuss this with your new boyfriend first and assess whether he is comfortable with it. If you explain that you made a promise, and it’s only a holiday, he ‘might’ be okay with it. I take ex-girlfriends to dinner sometimes without having any unfaithful intentions.

Like MightyMig said, someone is going to get hurt and you cannot help this by the sounds of things. However, do you think that living to make everyone happy except yourself is going to be maintainable? We have to be a bit selfish and make our own choices. That’s how we grow. Just talk to your current boyfriend if you are sure that you will not be tempted by your ex-boyfriend. If you think your current relationship will end or be damaged by this holiday, stick with your current boyfriend (if that’s what YOU want). This other person is your ‘ex’ for a reason and he needs to acknowledge this.

Answer #12

Think about what was it that you and your ex broke up for.. if it is for the good or just some old feeling. give the new guy a chance he may turn out to be a better person but dont gamble be sure about your decision.

Answer #13

be mature and think rocks !!! make 3rd new relationship .. and live with new life .. past is only memories.. but ur in present :)

Answer #14

just remember sweetie he’s an ex for a reason xx

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