What do I do - my girlfriend was raped?

So as I posted on here I had feeling that my girlfriend was attacked or something at a party we went to the other day. She has been denying it and she claims she walked into a door. However she has finally came to me and told me what happened. She was raped on the night of the party!

She knows who it was, it was a good mate of ours. I want to kill him! However, she doesn’t want to go to the police. She doesn’t want to do anything about it.

He forced himself on her. Gave her a black eye, bloody lip, bruised ribs and mentally she is a mess. She suffers from anorexia and this attack has made her illness a lot worse to top it off. She is so scared of everything, she doesn’t leave our room, she won’t let me touch her and she is punishing herself and taking her anorexia to a new level.

I am so worried about her. I don’t want to push her into anything, I just want to be there for her. But I really think she needs to go to the cops and talk to someone.

How can I help my girl? Thank you.

Answer #1

She needs to understand how serious this is, and you need to tell her parents, whether she hates you for it or not, it is for her own health. Then they can try and help her , after all it if their daughter and they deserve to know, if they ring the police it wasnt you who did it. She will forgive you when she realises it was for the best

Answer #2

From mutiple times of experience of this happening to me I say comfort her and let her cry don’t do anything dirty and tell her to tell an adult not neccaserily her parents bc it can be hard to say things like that

Answer #3

You need to call in psychiatric help. I’ve heard about these types of stories before and let me tell you, she may hate you for it at first but you might just save her life if you do this for her.

Answer #4

Look this has happened to me and u CAN’T force her to tell she mite deniy it and she may even blame sombody but that’s very emotional for sombody so don’t tell me I need to call in an psychiatrist

Answer #5

Fine. I’ll shut up …

Answer #6

She doesn’t have parents. She is 19 and I am 20 and we live together. I am who takes care of her.

Answer #7

you can’t force her to tell anybody that will just stress her out more, just make sure that she knows that you are there for her when she needs you

Answer #8

Tell the police

Answer #9

this is the most sane thing/answer on this page so far.

Answer #10

definatly have to tell 1st person is her rents if she doesnt wana tell u may feel bad at first but in the end ur gona be her hero telling is hard but not telling is harder…

Answer #11

In the end it is your responsibility to report it to the police, if your girlfriend gets worse or even dies due to her anorexia, you will have that on your concience, so justice has to be served, no matter what, unless you want to be the idiot who let’s his girlfriend get beat up and raped without doing anything about it, sorry but this makes me a bit angry as I have someone very close to me whom had a similar story and I still somewhat resent that person for staying shutup about it

Answer #12

Firstly just support her and try and get her to be open with you about it and know that she can talk whenever she needs. It is up to her if she decides to report it, but maybe encourage her by stating that if she reports it then it could stop him doing this to someone else in the future. If you do go to the police then take the clothes she was wearing on the night if you can, as they will take them away to look at/ take DNA from if possible. Also, try and take pictures of her injuries if she lets you, or encourage her to, just in case she wants to report it to the police in the future.

Whatever you do, do not go after this guy in any kind of vendetta. What he did is disgusting, but hurting him or confronting him may only make it worse. Just make sure he has no contact with your girlfriend.

I would try and take her to the counsellors as the next step (is she at college, as many offer a free service?), or take her to the GP to get referred for some as she is feeling low. She does not need to tell the doctor about hat happened if she does not want, but if she gets on the waiting list for counselling then that will benefit her greatly long term, both with her anorexia and this issue. You can’t force her to do this, but just encourage her as you only want her to fell happy and healthy and they will let her talk without having to talk to you all the time about the details if she does not want to. Do not march her there, but maybe get her some information on counsellors in the area, or even helplines which specialise in what she is going through, and just give it to her or leave it lying around so she can think about it.

It is not nice, but suggesting a sexual health test may also be a good idea, as he could have passed on a sexually transmitted disease, especially if no condom was used. The earlier these are caught, the better and the sooner they can be treated.

You sound very loving, so just keep doing what you are and reassuring her and I am sure she will be ok. It will take a long time to get over, but just be there and understand if she gets more anxious about going out and so on. I truly hope you two manage to get through this as best as you possibly can.

Answer #13

It sounds like your girlfriend is very ill. Of course, you love her very much and you are worried about her. You want to help her. You are “the one” that takes care of her. She needs you. She cannot help herself right now. It sounds as if she is in no condition (physically or emotionally) to make decisions for herself. So, as the one that loves her and takes care of her, this is up to you. You have to make the right decisions for her. She is suffering, you have to help her.

She may need to be taken to the emergency room. How tall is she, how much does she weigh, and when was the last time that you saw her eat or drink anything…has she urinated recently ? Even if this is not a life threatening emergency right now, it could quickly turn into one.

Once your girl is stable physically, the social worker at the hospital will help you meet her other needs….like maybe counseling…when your girl is ready for it.

Answer #14

This is not a matter of respecting her boundaries at this point. It is really her choice if she wants to press charges or not, but this anorexia is a serious problem. Just in the news today a French model died of the disease. I know you don’t want this for your girlfriend, what you need to do is get her help and get her into a psychologist of some kind. I understand that she may be angry for a bit. But she needs that help, and it’s not something that you can really do man.
This is important, she needs justice but above that she needs to be safe, and I think you are in a position to be able to help her.

Answer #15

The assault and the not eating are two different things at this point. There must be laws in your country where if someone is hurting themselves to a certain point, you can have them committed. If it is serious to the point of her being at risk of killing herself by not eating, you have to call for help. As for the assault. It is NOT your place to call the police. That isn’t even the primary concern. She needs help. Be there for her. And encourage her to talk to a therapist. As a LAST resort. You may have to check her into a hospital for not eating.

Answer #16

therapy and give her room, but love her!

Answer #17

i’m a victim also but it sounds like she is developing Post tramatic stress disorder i think she should go to a therpist or a doctor who can evaluate her but support her i’m crying just thinking how much she’s hurting i have PTSD i really do think she might have it to i’m sorry she went through that if you have any questions you are more than welcome to messege me

Answer #18

this is no joking matter this is very serious i only know because i’ve been through it she will get that kind of help when she’s ready but i really hope she press charges

Answer #19

tell her to call the police

Answer #20

comfort her, be there for her, most of all make her feel safe

Answer #21

go kill the rapists.. Just comfort her. All the time

Answer #22

Like everyone says call 911 be there for her. I would kick his ass if the police do nothing if I didn’t already but hey that’s what I would do and I’m not you so your choice in the end.

Answer #23

you got that right sometimes they don’t beileve you

Answer #24

Im in the same position tyleer.. Just comfort her and let her know you are there for her :) (try not to ever bring it up cus it’ll bring back memories and stuff)

Answer #25

Problem with everyones I’ve read is that no one realizes, once she took a shower or bath all evidence got washed away! Most states don’t even test clothes anymore. it can prove u had intercourse but doesn’t prove u were r@ped. I Have been a victim myself many years ago, I can promise she will move pass this. I can promise she will over come this “IF SHE IS WILLING AND STRONG ENOUGH!” You are being a very sweet and caring boyfriend for one taking care of her to begin with, but through this the 3 worst things you could do are.

  1. Force her to go to the police, they can’t do much about it now anyway. it would be he said she said. and that will take its toll on her emotionally, and mentally.
  2. Be overly affectionate. If you are to affectionate she will feel vicimized by you. meaning to or not.
  3. Attacking the jerk that did this. People in these situations feel that they can’t take control, that they are powerless. and they think if they attack thier victimizor they will get thier power back. but it doesn’t it makes it worst. The Honest to god best advise you two can have to talk, let her know your there to listen to her, or hold her at her discretion. that you don’t think less of her, that u still love her. and even though this stupid thing happened your still think she is ‘BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!’ most women thing they are ugly because something like this happened that they are marked for life. she is not! she need to understand that. and the next thing that will take time is she does need a therapst. she needs help rebuilding her mental state again. and I’m sorry but unless your a phyc, you can’t help with that, I went years without any help, my husband was the one who realized something was wrong and got me the help i needed. everyonce in a while she’ll have thoughts about it. but I promise it does get easier and better with time.
Answer #26

Thank you. But my girl friend has passed away.

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