Your Favorite Jokes

-In the newspaper it said ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’. Our neighbour is an 87 year old woman - not once has she come round to check if we are alright. The lazy cow hasn’t even taken in her milk for 2 weeks! -I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me “Oi, what’s your disability ?” “Tourettes, now f* off!” I said.

Ok not suitable for a classroom… but still funny.

For a link to 1000s of jokes (including those for the classroom): www.comedyontheweb.co.uk

2 nuns are in a car and a vampire jumps out into the middle of the road. nun 1 says to the 2nd nun ‘quick show him your cross!’ the 2nd nun rolls down the window and sticks her hesd out and says ‘GAT OUT OF THE ROAD YOU TOOTHY GIT!!’ =)

I tried sniffing coke once … but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose!

yeah I agree thats my fave joke off the vicar of dibley… love that show :)

Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.

Jon is called into the doctor’s office first. The doctor says, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?”

Jon says, “I’d be half blind.”

“That’s correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?”

“I’d be completely blind.” The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Jon’s way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.

The doctor asks Dan, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?”

Dan says, “I’d be half blind.”

The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, “What would happen if I cut off both your ears?”

“I’d be completely blind.”

“Dan, how can you explain that you’d be blind?” asks the doctor.

“Well,” replies Dan, “my hat would fall over my eyes.”

 lol, do you get it?

Four types of women having sex:

1. Asthmatic - ah…ah..ahh
2. Obedient - yes, oh yes…ah yes,
3. Greedy - more..more..pls
4. Religious - oh god..oh..oh my god…oh my God!!!

Submitted by www.jojojokes.com

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A “Hell-if-I-know” (try not to pronounce the “h” so it is “ell-if-i-know”)

ok, theres a white man, a mexican, and a black man all stranded on a desert island. they stumble across a little gold lamp. they rub it and out pops a genie. he tells them, “I will grant each one of you a wish” he turns to the mexican first and asks him what he wishes. he says “I wish that me and all my hombre’s were back at our homeland mexico. so the genie grants his wish, and ‘POOF’! all the mexicans are back in mexico. then the genie turns to the black man and asks the black man what he wishes for. the black man says, “I wish that me and all my homeboys were back in our homeland in africa. and ‘POOF’ the black man disappears and all the black people in america are living back in africa. then the genie turns to the white man and asks him what he wishes for. the white man looked at the genie, and astonished he asks, “so you mean to tell me ALL the mexicans, and ALL the blacks are out of america??? the genie replies, “yes” and the white guy then said, “ok, ill have a coke”

sorry if that offended anyone. I thought it was hilarious