Your Favorite Jokes

Everyday in Biology class, one person tells a joke. At the end of the week, we vote on the best. The Joke of the Weeks are eligible for Joke of the Month, then Joke of the year. So I’m just seeing if some of you can share your favorite jokes. Oh yeah, they have to be “clean enough for school”.


Answer #1

Okay this is quite funny but you dont have to give it…

there were two nuns… One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It’s logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! what can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It’s not working. SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, shame on u :)

Answer #2

-In the newspaper it said ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’. Our neighbour is an 87 year old woman - not once has she come round to check if we are alright. The lazy cow hasn’t even taken in her milk for 2 weeks! -I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me “Oi, what’s your disability ?” “Tourettes, now f* off!” I said.

Ok not suitable for a classroom… but still funny.

For a link to 1000s of jokes (including those for the classroom):

Answer #3

2 nuns are in a car and a vampire jumps out into the middle of the road. nun 1 says to the 2nd nun ‘quick show him your cross!’ the 2nd nun rolls down the window and sticks her hesd out and says ‘GAT OUT OF THE ROAD YOU TOOTHY GIT!!’ =)

Answer #4

I tried sniffing coke once … but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose!

Answer #5

yeah I agree thats my fave joke off the vicar of dibley… love that show :)

Answer #6

Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.

Jon is called into the doctor’s office first. The doctor says, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?”

Jon says, “I’d be half blind.”

“That’s correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?”

“I’d be completely blind.” The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Jon’s way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.

The doctor asks Dan, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?”

Dan says, “I’d be half blind.”

The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, “What would happen if I cut off both your ears?”

“I’d be completely blind.”

“Dan, how can you explain that you’d be blind?” asks the doctor.

“Well,” replies Dan, “my hat would fall over my eyes.”

 lol, do you get it?
Answer #7

Four types of women having sex:

  1. Asthmatic - ah…ah..ahh
  2. Obedient - yes, oh yes…ah yes,
  3. Greedy - more..more..pls
  4. Religious - oh god..oh..oh my god…oh my God!!!

Submitted by

Answer #8

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A “Hell-if-I-know” (try not to pronounce the “h” so it is “ell-if-i-know”)

Answer #9

ok, theres a white man, a mexican, and a black man all stranded on a desert island. they stumble across a little gold lamp. they rub it and out pops a genie. he tells them, “I will grant each one of you a wish” he turns to the mexican first and asks him what he wishes. he says “I wish that me and all my hombre’s were back at our homeland mexico. so the genie grants his wish, and ‘POOF’! all the mexicans are back in mexico. then the genie turns to the black man and asks the black man what he wishes for. the black man says, “I wish that me and all my homeboys were back in our homeland in africa. and ‘POOF’ the black man disappears and all the black people in america are living back in africa. then the genie turns to the white man and asks him what he wishes for. the white man looked at the genie, and astonished he asks, “so you mean to tell me ALL the mexicans, and ALL the blacks are out of america??? the genie replies, “yes” and the white guy then said, “ok, ill have a coke”

sorry if that offended anyone. I thought it was hilarious

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