Will I ever move on?

I seriously need advice, I have nobody to ever talk to about this and I am constantly hurting. This will probably be long, but if you have time to read and can offer advice pleeease do!!

Okay, so I just graduated highschool recently and I’m just not happy like I should be. It all starts my freshman year when I met a boy who all the girls at my school thought was so amazingly attractive. This boy was a player, and hooking up with girls was what he did. I hated him because I heard how disrespectful he was to girls..but eventually that all changed. By sophmore year, this boy showed interest in me, & I fell completely in love with him. we started dating, and I knew he wasnt boyfriend material…but I honestly couldn’t help it..I was so infatuated with him. early on in the relationship he was already screwing me over, but I always forgave him. we started to get more and more serious & he told me that he was in love with me and it all seemed so believeable. he was a really big party guy, everybody loved him and his friends always wanted him out with them at the parties, not with me. I became his “week day” girlfriend and on weekends he would go do whatever he wanted, which included cheating on me. I found out plenty of times, but I always took him back, I couldn’t say no…I loved him too much. Not only was he a big party guy, he was also an alcoholic. when he would go out, he would get completely belligerant…like the drunkest you can imagine. I also was really into the party scene so I would wind up at the same parties as him and I would be the one who would wind up taking care of him, & even chasing after him when he would go on drunken rampages in the street. (yeah I know, what a catch.) Anyway, what this boy put me through will scar me forever. I was publicly humiliated by him in front of all our friends, and everybody thinks im crazy because of him. The relationship went on for 2 years off and on. No joke like we’d break up every other week and get back together. This caused me to be crying every other week..I was so unhappy all the time but at the same time, it always seemed worth it for him. He was just soo different when he wasnt drinking and out with his friends..I really believed he loved me, as dumb as it may sound. the connection we had when it was just us was just so real. also, his family was like my 2nd family & we used to say we were going to get married when we turned 18..and I really believed it. Finally around dec. of my junior year..things were finally starting to end. he started dating this girl I always had a bad feeling about…shes beautiful, shes a model, you get the picture. for the remainder of that school year, he was off and on with both of us. I couldn’t believe another girl was going to take away what I had worked so hard for two years for. he would get back with her, they’d break up, and then he’d come back to me, then we’d break up, and he’d get back with her. when we hadn’t been talking for awhile over the summer, she went to italy for abount a month and he called one night. he took me to breakfast the next morning and he told me how they broke up and I asked if he loved her & he said “she doesnt have the one thing that you have, & thats my heart”. I’ll never forget those words. I decided to take him back, but within a few days I had to leave for a family trip for a week. he promised he’d be good while I was gone and I believed him..of course I was wrong. he wouldnt even call or text me, and when I would text or call him he wouldnt even answer. I drove myself crazy on my vacation, and I just couldnt take it anymore. so I broke up with him. the night I got home from my trip,we hadnt talked at all & I left my cell phone in my kitchen for some reason, which I never do. the next morning on my cell I saw that he had tried to call me 3 times the night before…I wonder all the time what would have happend if I answered those calls. but I’ll never know. because after that, the other girl came back from italy and he got back with her and started a new life with her. he doesnt drink, he doesnt party, he got a job, hes a good boyfriend, and hes everything I tried for 2 years to make him be. It KILLED me that when I finally break up with him…he finally changes. What the hell? Was breaking up with him a mistake? That should be me, not her. I was extremely depressed, and I jumped into a new relationship. We didnt speak or see eachother for 6 months until I saw him at the gym at the end of jan. this year… I saw him there two nights in a row and that friday night..he called me. he told me he wanted to break up with her and get back with me, and it was like a prayer answered…I literally thought I was dreaming..it felt so good to hear his voice. I winded up driving over to his house at like 2 a.m. and we talked and hooked up. he told me that he needed a few days to break up with her but that he was going to and that he loved me. the next morning he calls me and tells me he doesnt know if he wants to risk losing her because it might not work out with us. I asked if he was in love with her and he said yes. I asked if he was still in love with me and he struggled and said “kind of”. that was pretty much all I needed to hear…I told him to just be with her then and he begged me not to tell her how we had hooked up the night before. & he also said that he wanted to be friends. Out of anger…I winded up calling her and telling her…thinking it would break them up. It actually backfired, and they stayed together..except he now hates me. I could have taken that oppurtunity to still be able to talk to him, or at least be friends, & I blew it.

It gets worse, that new relationship I jumped into was still going on through all of this, yep I cheated on my now boyfriend with my ex boyfriend, and I was going to leave him at the drop of a hat for him.

The reason for this whoole thing is because it is now JULY and I’m still not over this guy. I havent talked to or seen him since that night and I still cant get over it. whats wrong with me?? I’m still with my new boyfriend too…it was our one year the other day. I feel so horrible every single day because I’m still thinking about my ex. I do love my boyfriend, hes my best friend, hes so so soo much better to me, and I do feel in love with him. Hes the only reason I’ve been able to slightly get through this. But I just dont feel the same love as I felt for my ex..

I feel like I have a hole in my heart everyday and that I’ll never be the same. He’s all I ever think about,…its holding me back from life.

Him and that girl are so serious now too…I found out last week that they said they are getting married in december.

That means I really have to give up hope and move on. Do I have any hope?? Any advice on how I can finally move forward?? Or is their a chance this could all turn around one day?

Sorry this was so long, I just needed to let it out!

Answer #1

Hey… you kknw what? When you try to hold SAND in your hands tight..it flows aways…u cant hold sand tight…instead you need to just keep it light…hold it loose and then it will stay in your hands…may be you tried too hard for him but may be he is not worth you and that is why he cudn see your love…may be he never felt your love…u struggled so much but how cudn he feel? think…please think… love is all abt give and take…and you have given everything…and what did he give u??? just promises but he never actually did what he promised… its your life…u decide but you need to be more practicle… you love him and you do everything for him but he just cant feeel it…but I pray that some day he will come back to you for ever… good luck…but dont expect anything…be a nice girlfrnd to your boyfrnd now…and be happy… try to think more practically. take care bye

Answer #2

umm wow.. your life is like a really dramatic TV show are something… but ya I think there is hope for you. its just that every kind of love is different. you shouldn’t feel guilty that you still love your ex. after all that you went through together its only natural. but whos to say that you cant love your new man that much some day too. time heels everything. just hang in there.

oh and maybe you could help me out with one of my questions I posted. its on my profile.. good luck!
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