How can I get my kids to behave?

i am 28 yrs. old. Ihave 3 boys and a baby girl,(ages 9,7,6, and 1yr). I dont kno what to do anymore. They are just incontrolable. I’m always getting notes from school because my 6 yr. old wont behave either he destroys the school toys or he wont listen to the teacher. my dad has told me to take him to a doctor so they could give him some medication because he seems hyper all the time. what shoul I do about him. meanwhile my 9 yr old, instead of him helping me out with his brothers he is the one who starts most of the things then his brothers see him diong something and thet do it too , my 7 yr old he is just the type of kid that if we ask him to do something and he doesnt feel like doing it he just wont do it., even if I go and spank him in the but and push him to do it he wont he’ll just stand there I have to literally push him to do it but when he sees the belt he’ll go running to do it. I dont believe in spanking my kids till there but cheeks are all red but I just dont know what else to do what do you recomend?

Answer #1

The oldest is always the leader. Chances us you didn’t raise your nine-year-old right. I know this is mean, but… can I cite you as an example for fifteen-year-olds who want to get pregnant because they THINK they’re ready?

You should be stricter with them from now on. Make some rules and put them where ALL YOUR KIDS can see them. Be specific with these rules so your kids can’t play around technicality. Emphasize DOs instead of DON’Ts. You could create a sort of game: whoever behaves best for the week (or at school) receives a reward. Your reward should be something cheap, but something that your kids will like. Generally candies will do the trick.

Punishment is also good. I don’t know if you give your kids allowance, but you could charge hem twenty-five cents if they’ve broken a rule. Know that spanking, despite what some people believe, is not child abuse. If one of your kids is out of line, don’t be afraid to spank him/her. Don’t spank them too often because it will lose its meaning.

Answer #2

Children are a work in progress.

The most important thing is consistancy. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Never tell your kids to do anything more than once. If you tell them a 2nd time than every one of your requests will be negotiable. Ask them once and if they do not comply than either make them do it or punish them apropriatly. Also, never threaten a punishment that you aren’t willing to carry out. Don’t threaten to ground someone for a week when you know you won’t be able to go through with it.

It really isn’t a bad idea to take them to a child psychologist for evaluation. If they do have a disorder than knowing that disorder’s particular challenges can help you be a better parent.

I’m not a big fan of spanking but I know some parents use it effectively. Taking away priveledges is another option. If one of your kids loves his gameboy than ground him form playing his gameboy for a week, find whatever each child’s currency is and use that as a punishment.

Anything you do will take a long time. Changing behavior does not happen over-night. The more consistant you are the more effective your discipline will be.

Hang tough, parenting is the hardest job there is, it ultimately can be the most rewarding one too.

Answer #3

Dear rosy79, First of all stop hitting your kids. You are making things much worse by doing this…it is also illegal to spank a child and leave a mark. Stop yelling at them…they tune you out and hear nothing. You see, the children learn how to deal with conflict the way the parents deal with it. So first of all it’s about changing the way you deal with things. That can be harder than changing the way the kids behave. It will require a lot of work on your part and you probably will need help with that. Children do not act out unless they get some type of benefit from it. What is it that each one of them is getting by misbehaving? Attention? control? their own way? You must figure this out. If the youngest sees the oldest refusing to do his chores and has no consequences other than yelling and hitting he will follow. But if he sees he has a consequence like no allowance, no TV etc. this may have an impact on them. You have to remember to catch them at being good…not bad. Some of the bad behaviours we must ignore. The good behaviours we reward. Because you lack coping skills (spanking and yelling) you are going to need to start working hard on this. Learn what to walk away from, learn when to praise and learn when to consequence. Dr. Phil has some very good books out. I suggest you read everything he wrote on bringing up children. It won’t be easy but you can nip this now. You will be surprised when you learn to cope how quickly those around you learn it as well. I hope you have a partner who is there for you and can also help. Remember we don’t ever want our children to be afraid of us…we want them to learn from us…always think of what lesson you are teaching today. You can funmail me if you like with some specific situations and perhaps we can work on some ways to deal with them. Sue…good luck

Answer #4

beat em like run away slaves. just kidding dont ask people what to do about ur kids their yours people always have different ways. people say dont hit them, y not i got whoopins and im just fine and they kept me out of a lot of trouble. so spankin isnt bad as long as ur not abusing them. but others say that talking and timeouts work(i cant tell) but do what works for u

Answer #5

haha that was enjoyable. (beat them like a runaway slave) no seriously beat them…not all the time…or for no reason…theyll get used to it and it wont change anything…just when they are dissrespectful…or do something morrally wrong…teach em values,respect,kindness,and love.theyll be fine…time outs…taking away trips or ice cream…fast food…make em do chores…or go somewhere they dont like…eat food they dont like.dont take away t.v or material items…exept internet or games…maybe the phone keep em in…itll make them want to be outside…helps with health.if you take materials away itll make them (not be able to live w/out them) kids are crafty…but just remember when you were one…try to understand why they do what they do…itll make you younger too.


Answer #6

becausethey have minds of there own…

Answer #7

Kids are modeling. They imitate what we are doing. So first thing to do is giving them good models, prevent yourself from giving confusing messages to kids by doing things that you do not allow them to do. Whenever you want to tell important thing to them, lower your body so that they can really see your eyes, lower your tone and tell them what you want them to do or not not do, without a threat. IF they do not follow the rules, punish them after you tell them the reason.

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