Why cant I just leave him?

Alright people this is long and horrible…your choice to become involved and help me.

Omg I feel absolutely terrible, and I don’t know what to do..and I usually do. My boyfriend or something is a terrible and awful person because he doesnt try to see me. I mean when you truly love someone you would do anything for them or anything to see them if you didnt see them for a while. I would always go and see him, and then all of sudden after a hard time we both went through (kinda got annoyed with eachother but it was HIM..not me..He got kicked out of his house, his uncle is also terrible and just sent him to a nasty motel for a week to get him out of the house…so I went and dropped my things and brought food and I gave him company. He would leave me there in a terrible neighborhood by myself at night go with his friends…I hated him…I tried so hard to do all I could by going all the way across town WALKING for like 20 miles to my house for HIM…and I mean theres some porn channel in the place and he liked having sex to it. IDc Its kinda kinky I guess…but I just wanted to feel loved thats all I felt like I was giving my all and he was giving me nothing but nothing!

After that it has been two weeks and during them we hardly talked..I tried to see him, but he said he needed his space…watever…So I gave it to him for 2 weeks. He called me and I just sat there being his da TOY. Then he called telling me he missed me blabla bla I didnt take it that easily but I cracked…and I told him I have done enough how about you walk to my house like I have yours lazy SO* OF BIT…and he didnt he just begged just this one last time. Before I went to class I stopped by his house and we had a great time having very good sex like amazing like usual…but then after I left feeling good about us and he was saying he loved me …and now the two weeks are happening again! He isnt begging BUT

He will party and not even call me and I don’t know what he’s doing…hes cheated on me before and I know he gets drunk and hey I love to drink but I never tell him because he always gets mad…but he can brag to me about his night…

So just now I called him and usually I never call him because he should want to talk to me and I shouldnt have to do that all the time…but I did this time today…and I said “where were you last night?” and he said at camerons his friends who last week had a wapatoie party…I went nuts and just yelled at him “I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU SO BAD, IT NEVER WORKS. SO IM HAVING YOU BREAK UP WITH ME…I CHEATED ON YOU TWICE WHEN I WENT TO COLLEGE!! SO FU** YOU AND NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!!” and I hung up…Its true I did..but he did too…LIKE USUAL! I never did that stuff to him ever for a year and half…and I bet you he doesnt believe me, and he has to forgive me because he cheated on me so much before and before I went to college he said he did truly love me and didnt want me to find anyone else and he would be faithful…I had a feeling he wasnt and I met a guy who was so sweet and I still like him but I messed with him 2wice and I couldnt do it when I was with someone who was being faithful so I thought…plus I dont want him to forgive me I just want him to believe me and I want him to feel as horrible as I have for a year and a half!!! I cant take it…hurting me and he doesnt even understand why…no heart no soul.

I found out when I came home…and I didnt go back to the next semester because of me I just couldnt. Not cause of him but I needed to do a few things before I rushed into college.

Now I told him this just now and I hung up and he didnt even call back like he just doesnt give a flying FU! Im pis*ed and I feel terrible I just want him to go away…omg he just hurts me everyday he doesnt call and the fake feeling he gave me when all he wanted was DA sex! I want him to leave me and I need help to forget him PLEASE anyone who took time to read this dear lord im dying…