Why can I not see my hymen any more could I have been violated ?

As a teenager I checked for my hymen with a mirror, fearing my Swedish Protestant mother could have scrubbed it away by accident when I was a little girl, but I saw a membrane with an orifice. In my twenties, as I might have nipple cancer, I also checked the other area with a mirror and saw a membrane with a tiny serriform opening covering a somewhat protuberant beginning of the tract - I used, perhaps unwisely to strain with heavy, and obstructed-feeling periods. Throughout I did heavy work and this had no effect on the hymen whenever I checked it with a mirror.

Later I feared intrusions in my home and possibly having been violated when asleep or almost unconscious, I am not sure whether apprehension in sleep of something dangerous, inconceivably evil and filthy might not induce unconsciousness. I was used to possibly cancer-induced belly aches, and sleep through almost any pain except extreme toothaches induced by reaction to exposure to certain chemical toxins, so probably I would even sleep through violation. Now when I check for my hymen with a mirror (I am already 32) I only see a mouth-like opening over 5 mm grey at one edge with protuberances, and horizontal with a straight cut-like smooth fleshy edge at the other. Could I have been violated, please answer me urgently as this is extremely important to me. The hymen is a sign of how important it is to choose the first man due to the possibility of child-bearing, for this is not something one would be prepared to commit oneself to for just anyone. To prevent this is essentially to pervert nature. I never found that Man, and would be horrified to find this proof of steadfastness and serious commitment destroyed not to mention that violation means defilement not only of the woman but also of the offspring. Please answer me urgently.