Why am I happy in school but sad at home?

in school im always smiling. im happy and active. I do everything in school. the work, activities and I even hang out with my friends and im relly happy. Why is it at home I want to tear my heart out. I mean I have fun at home with my sister and brother but sometimes when im just laying down I feel really empty. I feel as if my chest is going to explode. Why am I happy in school but sad at home?

Answer #1

hi sweetie,

I am really sorry about your bad feelings at home and even more sorry for the advise that you have received that ranges from just awful to very sympathetic but not very helpful. sad how the person that had the most to say is so disturbed himself. thank goodness for the much kinder words that have been left for you.

listen honey, the answer to the dilemma that your are experiencing is simple but the solution is not so simple.

the simple answer is that you are depressed. I know that you may wonder how that can be when you are so cheery at school. think of yourself as a flower (if you are a guy I’m sorry for flowery image). a flower turns toward the sun and fully blooms beneath it. many flowers turn away and close up once the sun goes down. other flowers bloom beneath the moon but turn away from the sun. same principle for you - the company of friends, the distractions of activities, the concentration that class requires all serve to brighten your day and shove your inner pain away. but when you come home it is quite a different environment: perhaps it’s quiet, safe, loving, intimate, laid back. perhaps your parents work and you are alone. however you would describe your home life, it’s quite different than at school and there is less between you and your depression/sadness and it comes up to swamp you.

that is the simple answer - sadness = depression. the not so simple solution is not to avoid your sadness but to embrace it. which is quite different than wallowing but for a time may look or feel the same. think of it like approaching a dark room but you have no idea where the light switch is - it’s not in the usual place! you fear the dark because you aren’t sure what is in there, therefore you prefer to avoid this room yet you know that the place you want to be is on the other side of this room and there is no other way to get there. you must find your way through the dark of this room to find the light on the other side.

if you are with me so far, your Q. would have to be oookay, but what does that mean in less esoteric terms?

  1. share your depression with your family and perhaps closest friends. assure them (esp. your parents!) that it’s not their fault or their responsibility to heal you. ask them if it’s okay to be sad for a while when you are with them and to talk if you feel like it and not to talk if you don’t. assure them that you aren’t really looking for advise so much as good listeners, people that you can trust and juts “be” with.

  2. when you lie on your bed and the pain wells up give yourself permission to feel it fully. don’t agonize and worry about what it is and why do you feel this way and what’s WRONG with yourself. it’s just a message from your soul and EVERYONE goes through this once in a while. the trouble comes when people ignore their heart - things just get worse and worse. so go with it. and ask yourself the right questions:

where does it spec. hurt? heart…head…throat…eyes? what was I thinking about when the pain came? bring those thoughts into focus. examine the pain and bring it from general to specific - what exactly are you feeling when the pain comes? how long have you felt this pain? has it always been lurking there…did it start after a certain event… did it begin after you began something or gave something up? follow the pain back to it’s source.

ask any Q. you want and meditate on the answers because these will be your clues.

3.seek professional help. some people will go to a therapist, or a mentor, or there mom, grandparent, best friend, sibling. some people will go to the bible, or a bookstore/library and see what book they are drawn to. some people will meditate or pray. some people will sing or paint or draw on the sidewalk with chalk, write poetry. some people will journal.

  1. pay attention to your dreams! if your heart is threatening to pound out of your chest then your soul is also trying to reach you through your dreams. but don’t buy a dream symbol book! everyone’s dream language is unique and specifically it is a language of feeling. so pay close attention to what you feel when you dream and ask yourself if your dreams/feelings connect with anything in your life when you are awake.

5.follow your intuition and your longings. are you drawn to certain music? do you feel drawn to go for a walk in the woods? are you missing somebody or some place? is there something you want to eat? is there some person you are drawn to? indulge these things and as you do, again, pay attention to your feelings and ask yourself the right questions: how do I feel, what is this satisfying? more clues.

6.likewise, follow your intuition and ask yourself if there is anything in your life that you hate, never want to do or see again, resent, makes you sick to your stomach, anything you are avoiding, makes you uncomfortable. anything that makes you feel angry, hurt, sad, disappointed, violated? and then again, ask yourself the right questions: do you feel bad because it violates your principles, hurts someone else, goes against your instincts? become aware of your feelings and thoughts and always ask what and why.

the bottom line is you are depressed because something is terribly wrong in your life. you are disconnected from yourself somehow. something could be missing that once was present in your life. maybe you have a talent for something that you have given up because others discouraged you or you got busy. maybe you have a need for the great outdoors/the natural world and you have gotten away from it. maybe someone important to you died or moved or left you and you are missing what they brought into your life - adventure, romance, passion, intelligent conversation, intimacy, creativity etc. if so, whatever it was, you are capable of bringing it into your own life all by yourself. you just need to connect with yourself on a much deeper level than previously.

I know that you asked this question 6 months ago, and so I pray that you read this answer and begin your personal journey to wholeness. please write again, as I will be worried about you until you do.


Answer #2

Get a job. I guarantee you’ll be happy at home when you’re working full time. Also Its called “alone time”. Be glad you have some time to yourself.

Man you guys are some whiney kids! Heres some free advice for everyone:

-If you people cant deal with a few hours of solitude then you have some major dependency issues. Some of you guys are in for a rude awakening. Sometimes in life you’re going to be “lonely” or “alone”. You’re going to have times when nobody else is around (taking a shower, brushing your teeth, taking a crap, sleeping). Yes I know it sounds horrible for 15 something year olds to comprehend “loneliness” of that magnitude, but thats life. Its inivitable so get used to it!

-Unless your parents brutally beat you then theres no reason to be unhappy with your home. Be glad you have a home and a family. Nobody said families always get along. Get over it! And if they do beat you I’m sure most of you deserved it. So suck it up and learn from your mistakes so they don’t have to drop kick you in the face again!

-The following does not constitute as “child abuse”: Having your cell phone taken away, being grounded, no video games, having your internet taken away, being beaten for mouthing off to your parents or doing drugs (you deserved it morons)

-We all know you’ve struggled a lot in your daunting high school lives. Heres your cookie! Now go get a job!

-If you’re emo/gothic then your parents failed miserably at raising you. No, you’re not a vampire/witch so get over it! Go join the military! They’ll teach you all about stress and hardship and they will even pay you! Wow you can pretend to be a depressed vampire that wears eyeliner and makes no money. Or you can put a uniform on and do something useful, be depressed for a reason, AND make money! I know! It’s amazing right? Or you can just go play in traffic (recommended)

-For the love of God stay in school! I can tell some of you aren’t going, or you are not paying attention. Especially in English class. Whats “school”? Is that “like uhhh…where you get an ejucashion?”

-Go ahead! Run away! If you’re going to do it though don’t wuss out like some cry babies and come home a few days later with your tails tucked between your legs. Follow through with it. Just make sure you have a job so I dont wind up supporting your out of work unemployed a$$es. New rule: You run away from home you stay on your own! Its time some of you learn to live with the choices you make instead of having umpteen second chances from your parents.

Now go to bed! Its late and tonights a school night.

Answer #3


Answer #4

Im a bit like this…I hate being at home and look forward to getting back to school and I hate weekends cus its to much time at home…but I get on well with my mum :P

Answer #5

mabe because something bad is happening at home that you don’t think you feel that’s bad and at school it all goes away because your with your friends.

Answer #6

when you’re at school you’re distracted, and busy, it keeps your mind off whatever’s wrong… either that or there’s something wrong at home…

Answer #7


well I was like that too because me and my parents are not close but I would recomend for you to go out more like with your sis if shes your age go to the movies once in a while or with friens. if you stay home all day after school thats why you feel depressed. well hoped I helped kiddo and dont run away you will kjust hurt urself

Answer #8

I don’t know…that happens to me! it may be because you have had just a great time with your friends and than you come home and you just feel lonely and everything. I don’t know thou

Answer #9

I have no clue, but I know exactly how you feel, a few weeks ago I ran away from home, I have never been so happy, eventually I came back, but things are great hear ever since I ran, but dont run away thats not good

maybe your not really happy at skool tho, maybe you have been lying and hiding the unhappiness for so long at skool that you really believe that your happy at skool? I don’t know thats jus what I found out about myself, srry I prob didnt help at all

Answer #10

Because you are won’t like to be alone and you want to talk to someone to let you not thinking.

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