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Who thinks im in the wrong?

Okay. Currently right now im 17 years old, coming up for 18 in November. I am getting ready to sit my exams, and lose weight for prom, trying to get a job and trying to stay in contact with family, friends and my boyfriend. I study everynight for my exams for at least an hour, plus school time. I see my boyfriend on Tuesdays and Saturdays (Thats all, because if I see him anymore my parents complain). I see my friends every wedensday plus at school. Id like to join a club but I cant afford it. I would like to spend time with my parents but they are heavy drinkers and drink almost every night of the week so they either end up being intolerant and easily angry. So I dont really want to, I would if they were sober. My mum and dad blame Steve (My boyfriend) for everything in the house. Why I dont want to spend time with them, why I dont study more and why I dont see my friends outside of school much. But at the end of the day I only see him twice a week for about 5 hours at a time. I really miss him, we’ve been together for 4 months next Sunday, but we were bestfriends for a whole year before that. I was in my bed last night and my dad was saying to my mum in the other room that I dont care about the family and that I dont want to spend time with them and I just want to see him all the time. When in reality its because their heavy drinkers and I miss him lots because I dont get to see him much. He’s never done anything wrong and has been nothing but nice to my parents, and they insist they like him, they just dont like how much I go on about him. I mean, I was meant to come up to his on Sunday one week and I phoned him to check. He got all excited and said that would be fine. I phone my parents to check and they said no because I seen him the day before (Even though I hadnt seen him since tuesday before that) I phoned back and told him no, his mum said he looked so disappointed she took him out that night. If that was my mum or dad they would have gotten angry and yelled at me for missing him. Unless im happy im not allowed to show any other emotion in the house or I get in trouble. I cant tell them I miss him or they get angry, I cant say I love him or they say the relationship is moving too fast and I cant possibly love him after 4 months. But they forget I have actually known him for about 2 years now. Im at the end of my tether. I dont know if im doing something wrong or they are the ones in the wrong. I dont know what to do anymore. Please help. (And I already spoke to my mum and dad about the drinking, they still do it anyways)

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Answer #1

I dont think your in the wrong AT ALL. if your parents are heavy drunks, then they apperently dont care about how you feel or they would stop, for you. if I were you, I would just vidit my boyfriend anyway and DONT be affraid to hide your emotions because youll get in trouble, thats not good attt alll. If you want to cry, cry. if you want to punch a pillow a hundred times, do it.

Answer #2

Hmm… I don’t ahve any experience with this what so ever, but I will do my best to offer you some helpful advice. You seem to have a lot on your plate at such a young age. I realize that at 17 almost 18 your going to want, and maybe even need a job, maybe it would be possble for you and your boyfriend to work at the same place, that way you could still see him more often and still work and get paid :) Even though you’ve talked to your parents about they’re drinking, have you mentioned that, their drinking is why you don’t spend too much time with them? Maybe you could contact, or get information on a drinking program for them. I don’t want them getting angry towards you, but it might work. That way you’ll also be helping them. I think (on the outside looking in) that you may also use your boyfriend as an escape from your home. I don’t at all mean it in a bad way, but I’m sure it’s possible that you might. As for the getting in trouble for showing any other emotion other than happiness, perhaps you can try and explain to them calmly as poossible, that your not always happy because of the situation thats going on. And as they are the one’s that are the parents, they need to help you with your problems and guide you correctly. On the subject of you cant tell Steve you love him, etc. etc., explain to them that love can come at anytime. It doesnt come at a certain age, month, year etc. You’ve been together for 4 months and the two of you are still going strong even though you don’t get to spend time with him too often. That, I believe, is a strong bond. :) Perhaps, since your almost 18, you could consider rooming with him. I don’t know based on how you feel, or how he and his family would feel, if that would be okay or not. But it’s just a thought. I honestly hope that I might have helped you a little bit. Best of luck -Rachel

Answer #3

You’re not in the wrong at all. The fact that you even study at all is a big step up from what I’ve seen. You rarely ever even see this boyfriend and he’s given your parents no reason to doubt him. You spend time with your alchoholic parents, even when you don’t want to. You’ve attempted to talk to them about their drinking problems.. You are a great daughter. There are people who would fold under your position and take up the bottle like the parents before them. I mean look at you, getting a job, responsible young adult, a nice boyfriend, working out, studying. Gee. You, you should applaud yourself. You’re trying and you will get somewhere, you are not in the wrong.

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