who knows any good stand up jokes that I could perform ?

wife gets naked and ask her husband,what turns you on more,my pretty face or my sexy body?husband looks her up and down and replies your you’re sense of humour!

two hunters are out in the woods in new jersey,when one collaspses,he does’nt seem to be breathing and his eyes are graze,the other man whips out his phone and calls the emergency servces,he gasp my friend is dead!! what can I do?the operator says,calm down I can help first lets makesure he’s dead! there is a silence,then a shot is heard,back on the phone,the guy says,ok now what?

a little old lady answers a knock at her door to be met by a travelling vacuum cleaner salesman.before she has a chance to say anything,the man tips a bucket of horse sh#t over her hallway carpet and explains madam if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of that horse sh#t from your carpet,I will eat whats left,well she says,I hope you’re hungary bacause they cut off my electricty off this morning

hahaha. I got one. okay so at my school we have this BIG girl kayla
and we had a pep rally at our school. well me and my friend dominique were sittin in the seat behind her. and me dominique took up about 10 inches of the bleachers… well… so did she ! haha

then in gym we always play a game that has to do with wearin jersey. they fit my hole gym class really big. you look up at kayla it look like shes wearin a sports bra. hahaha

Thanks guys , loving then , might use them , in fact im going to :D