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When is enough, enough?

What should I do? I am in love with a married man, we are both married with small children but can’t keep our eyes, and lips away from eachother. I have tried on several occasions to end this but he won’t let me go. He says he has strong feelings for me and I definitely am in love with him. My husband pays no attention to me sexually, and I can count the number of times he has made a move on me sexually in the last 6 years on one hand.

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Answer #1

You need to end one relationship before starting another. Stop seeing this guy, or have the guts to tell your husband. If you come clean to him, you’ll most likely lose him. You’ve already cheated on him, physically and emotionally, and that’s not going to be easy for you to say or for him to take. I’d be a little leery of leaving my husband and father of my children for another man. How well do you know him? How much can you trust him? It’s always possible he’s just a bored and frustrated married man having more than one fling with more than one woman. Even if his feelings for you are strong and with good intention, you’re both giving up a lot. I can understand how you’re feeling, but this isn’t something to take lightly. My best advice would be to weigh the pros and cons of each situation and listen to what your instincts tell you. If you were so completely sure about your new love, you wouldn’t have any regrets or feel any shame.

Answer #2

From the book of Dan Savage – You’re only permitted to find sexual gratification outside of your marriage if you have made a good-faith effort to resolve the problems with your current spouse. I have a strong suspicion that you have not done so. Have you discussed how unfulfilled you are with your husband and tried to work out solutions that work for both of you? Have you discussed opening your marriage or bringing other people into the bedroom?

The fact that you closed your question not with a retelling of how you have tried to resolve the problems with your husband but instead tossed us a disparaging remark says to me, ‘Look, he’s scum, and so what I’m doing is understandable, right?’ Sorry, but your feelings for another man does not absolve you of responsibility to your current commitment, nor does the other man’s feelings for you. You’re allowed to be in love with whomever you like, but until you actually confront the problems in your marriage instead of trying to sneak around them, you’re acting selfishly.

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