What should I do after catching my husband at a bar?

You know it’s a bad scene when you’re taking days off to follow your husband down to the local bar. Couple therapy is probably your best bet at saving your marriage mostly because it sounds like your both at a point where neither of you are truly listening and both of you are frustrated as hell. Obviously this situation can’t continue so it’s time for both of you to put your cards on the table and see what can be done to salvage the love you have for eachother. Once trust has been broken it takes a lot of soul searching and patience to build it up again.

I think that the major issue here isn’t that he takes the afternoon off or that he drinks with his buddies but more likely that you feel he isn’t being responsible and up front enough (ex. not picking up the kids, not doing what he says he will do, lying about his where abouts). That you hound him out of frustration can be understood but cutting him some slack might not be all bad. You both have to try to find a solution that works for you and makes you meet half ways. (ex. agree on specific days that he can do as he pleases but underline that he has to put his family responsibilities as a priority) As for financial problems, everyone’s got them. If you need help paying bills and think he isn’t participating enough tell him and ask him to help you. Don’t put yourself in a situation that you can’t afford (ex. the second car payment should be transfered to his account, avoid loans when possible!). Both of you should split the costs of living equally and both should try not to overspend or strain the family income. Marriage is team work! Of course everyone has their faults and strengths, learn what your good at and split things accordingly. As for the faults, work on them, negotiate and learn to compensate by your good sides.